Most people can agree that listening is an important skill. Yet strangely, most of us believe that we are already great listeners, which simply isn't true. We can all hear (with the exception of the deaf) but our retention of what is heard is seldom more than a fraction of the information shared. Research supports that listening effectively is correlated with leadership roles in society and is associated with successful outcomes in business and personal endeavors. Many of us are completely unaware that we aren't effectively listening, and fewer still know how to fix it, so how can we can we become better listeners if it is so important to our individual success? Fortunately, there are techniques available to help us cultivate these listening skills we inherently lack, but implementing self-awareness and self-discipline are the catalyst to identifying what we lack and continuously improving it.
In a study of managers and employees of a large hospital system, they found that listening explained 40% of the variance in leadership—this is pretty significant! Furthermore, the variance of higher leadership roles was correlated with better listening skills. (1) It is undeniable that in order to an effective leader, you must be a good listener. In another study of over 8,000 people employed if businesses, hospitals, universities, the military and government agencies found that virtually all of the respondents believed that they communicate as effectively or more effectively than their co-workers.2 (Could everyone be above average?) However, research shows that the average person listens at only about 25% efficiency.3 While most people agree that listening effectively is a very important skill, most people don't feel a strong need to improve their own skill level. It is important to recognize that we all could improve our listening skills. Failing to do so is clearly associated with less success in our professional lives, and therefore certainly in our personal lives, too.
Self-awareness is incredibly important to improving your listening skills. I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) at a young age and have struggled with this learning disability for most my adult life, too. This means I am more easily distracted than the average person and find it challenging to pay attention. It’s a daily struggle for me to live with ADD, but in a way it has actually given me an advantage most aren't afforded. Because of my awareness that I lack the ability to concentrate, I have cultivated listening skills over the years out of necessity. I am now cognizant of my shortcomings and this has motivated me to utilize active listening (giving undivided attention to a speaker in a genuine effort to understand the speaker’s point of view) (4) I spend most of my day passively listening, but I can quickly “hyper-focus” and listen during situations that I know are important in my life, i.e. lectures, working meetings. The trick I’ve learned is to make every interaction personal to me; if I evoke empathy or concern over the subject by attaching emotion to it, I am much more efficient at listening to and learning about the subject. Having genuine concern over what is being communicated helps your brain pay attention to it and convinces you that its important.
As it turns out, there are many studies that support my approach to listening that suggest that empathic listening (also referred to as active listening) is extremely effective because not only are you paying attention to the content of the message, but you are picking up on passive cues through body language that convey a great deal of information to the listener. You are also better able to understand the meaning of the content as opposed to details that may be irrelevant.
Even though I’ve learned some effective tools over the years to improve my listening skills, there is still a need for constant self-discipline and focus. Listening requires you to utilize those skills learned in every interaction. Therefore, it is not a tool that you simply learn and then set aside, it is one you must exercise every day (some more than others). You can’t simply stop using these tools or you will effectively stop listening! You must constantly remind yourself by being aware of the importance of listening to do your best to actively listen.
In conclusion, if we wish to be better listeners the first step is awareness of our own listening abilities (or lack thereof), and the next is implementing tools in your daily life to improve them. Find whatever listening skills work for you (empathetically listening, note taking) and use those tools every time it is necessary. Since most people don’t naturally listen well you will have to utilize your skills actively; maintaining awareness of your shortcomings and staying disciplined about fixing them. Hopefully in doing so, you’ll become more successful in anything you choose to do in life.