We are often in a denial when we lost someone we love. Our senses inform us the presence of the dead with the existence of their remaining clothing, their favourite song, a poetry and so on. If we seek for them, these are the things that comfort us temporarily. As much as we trick our heart and mind into thinking that these things are them, we still feel empty. It is subjective as to whether we can replace the dead or not – to a certain limit, there can be a substitution for their being. However, these physical things overtime become part of the living instead and soon lost the essence of the previous owner.
My intention is to show the relationship between the living and the dead, the past and present – how we try as much to replace what we lost with something else. Throughout my exploration with batik medium, I realized that different material cloth has their own characteristics and presence. I then took interest in collecting pre-loved clothing from family and friends. With this, I am creating another form of presence on the cloth to show that the essence of the dead will soon disappear with time as the current possessor takes ownership of the clothing.
Looking into artists for inspiration, I went onto my research and found two artists relatively relevant to my practice. The well-known local batik artist, Sarkasi Said Tzee and a female Japanese textile artist, Aiko Tezuka. Sarkasi Said was motivated to continue the batik legacy for his cultural background and working towards preserving one of Javanese tradition which is batik printing. However, over the years he included the idea of contemporary into the traditional painting and creating works of batik in unconventional manner. Tezuka worked closely with textile because she could not find a new way to work in painting. She believed that history is interwoven in the fabric and the symbols. Her works often involve fabrics that is either found or designed by her, and involves both making and destroying.
The concept that they have as an individual inspires me to work out of my comfort zone. The idea of preserving a cultural tradition and collecting textiles to reconstruct into something new allow me to challenge the aesthetic and concept of now and then.
After breaking down my ideas, I realized that my concept will work closely with old clothing instead, as I talk about the past and present. I started to find old clothing of my late grandmother only to find one suit of her wedding dress. Then, I proceed on to collect from other people; relatives and friends.
The process of asking and receiving from people is part of my research as some stories are being shared and even obtained unexpected responses. The first outsider I asked was a close friend, if she was willing to give away any old clothing of her family members, and she said that she could not. The reason was not because her family did not allow her to but because the old clothing she has once belonged to her late grandfather and her attachment refrained her from giving it away. It was part of my research too, to know that there are people who accepted loss of a loved one and those who are still trying to.
This reminded me of an old Malay song titled “Di Mana Kan Ku Cari Ganti” and “Barang Dilepas Jangan Dikenang” which means ‘where shall I find a replacement’ and ‘don’t reminisce what’s left’. That inspired me to reconstructed what’s gone, the past with the present as in almost every culture, possessions of the deceased are often passed down to the next generation to not lose the essence of the dead.
The culture(s) that I was introduced and grown into moved me to explore its language, beliefs and how it relates to one another. Batik has been traded around the world for years and has now become a modern wear. Batik can also be used for decorations and special occasions as each design has their own characteristics and meanings.
After learning about batik painting and its motifs, I decided that I should challenge the potential of batik medium. Therefore, I decided that I reconstruct the old traditional clothing with the experimented batik process that I have explored on. Using this platform, I intend to create the idea of preserving the past and incorporating the present.
My current exploration is on the gestural movement and abstract symbolism to suggest a narration in contrast of my previous practice which was focused on getting the right wax resistance and creating my own motifs. Moving on from that, I experimented on the medium in a way that I control less and allow the medium to respond to its materials spontaneously.
The experimentation with the medium lead to unexpected or even failed outcomes that challenged my preconceived notions I had. However, these processes helped me view things differently and how certain things can work with my ideas. Sometimes what I visualize may be too straight-forward and shallow. With that, I work with the accidents to create a visual work that could express the message that I wish to convey across to the audiences and at the same time, finding my own essence in my practice.