We were halfway through fencing practice when my friend suddenly ran to the locker room. I followed her, only to find her sitting on the floor hugging her knees and rocking back and forth. It was the first time I had ever seen a panic attack happening, and I was not sure what to do. I asked her if she wanted me to call 911, but she said no and that it would pass. I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her and she said yes. This was the first of many panic attacks I sat through with her. These attacks were unpredictable and their range was wide.
The most difficult thing about these attacks to me was that there was little I could do. I would sit with her and provide support, sometimes I would rub her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her, other times I would talk in an attempt to distract her, but often she would continue to shake until the attack passed. These attacks always made me wish that I could have more of an impact.
The intrapersonal experience I had with my friend, involving empathy and understanding always stuck with me, as did the physiological nature of these attacks. The fact that science causes these attacks and directly pertains to the human body is intriguing to me, and its uniqueness in the speed at which tangible discoveries and progress are made draws me to it even more.
I am fascinated by the way science manifests itself as disease in a person, and the opportunity it presents to solve the puzzle of what is occurring within a patient. One day in class I learned about Parkinson’s disease, characterized by movement dysfunction and tremors. Later, while I was volunteering at the clinic, a patient came in demonstrating the same symptoms. After speaking to the patient about his week, he revealed to me that he was at the clinic to talk to the doctor about his Parkinson’s. It was fascinating to see a disease whose underlying causes I knew manifest itself in a person. I watched as the doctor gave the patient a ball to squeeze, and his trembling hands as he tried to complete this simple task. It was incredible to watch the science play a visible role within the patient. However, it was equally incredible to watch the gratitude on the patients face as he finally compressed the ball and the doctor commented on his progress from previous weeks. It was clear that the personal relations in medicine are just as important to me as the role of science.
I observed this interplay of science and patient interactions when shadowing a neurologist, who exemplified combining empathy and compassion with professionalism and scientific diagnosis. He saw a total of five patients the day I was with him, each with memorable symptoms and individual diagnoses, but it was his interactions with a five-year old girl that stuck with me the most. Coming into the room the doctor greeted her with a big hug, commenting on how much she had grown. She was a repeat patient, having been born with a brain defect. Although she was high functioning, she was required to wear a tube in her head to help with CSF removal. Her grandmother, tearing up, told the neurologist about the bullying that the girl experienced, leading into the trouble that the girl began to feel with stress and distractions. I observed the neurologist listen and sympathize, noting down all the symptoms and taking all the time necessary before diagnosing the girl with ADD and explaining how it plays into her medical history after apologizing for the bullying she experienced. He did not rush through the appointment and he was there for the person, not just the science. I saw this same type of interaction with his other patients, some of them even commented on his willingness to listen and his attention to detail compared to previous experiences.
Although I cannot diagnose and treat patients, as this doctor did, I do have experience-guiding people through challenges as a teaching assistant. I have had to teach and convey complex scientific concepts to students struggling with the material, often approaching it from several perspectives in order to find one they understand. I have been there for distressed students who did not perform as well as they wished, empathizing and calming them down while addressing their concerns. Through my experiences I have learned responsibility and empathy. I have seen the vitality of these traits in medicine through doctor-patient interactions. I have observed science manifest itself in patients, and the role that health care has on the patient’s life. The physician’s role in combining compassion with science to better a person’s life through the means of modern medicine is what drives me to devote my life to being a physician.