I wish to begin with an intimidating poem but I do not describe women with snakes twisted in their hair, scales glimmering
against the heart they radiate; I speak of
little girls with dreams bigger
than their hands and legs that refuse
to slow down; I praise angry women
with loud voices and louder retorts; I romanticize the idea of a girl with wilderness in her eyes and ice cracking
around her lips; you will not get a
blank slate of a woman to feed your
requirements to savor later; I want to see you squirm with dreams of
women so powerful, they break their
own selves to release some of it into
the world; to remind you of how human girls are with their warm skin and limbs that tear apart under pressure; to conjure up a woman who metabolizes the limitations hurled at her with the acid she carries in herself; to terrify you with the thoughts of a girl who refuses to learn to hate herself. are you intimidated yet?
I clearly remember the first time I realized that I intimidate people, and that my existence, the things I do, and my accomplishments, bring certain fear. It was a sunny day of April, and I had barely slept a wink, but I showed up at my surprise birthday party beaming. Our basketball team had just returned after winning the tournament, and as the captain, the victory had obviously floored me. Still in my basketball gears, I had barely tasted the cake when Nazrin Aunty, my mother’s distant cousin, ushered me into a corner. “Now, Now! Shouldn’t you dress more appropriately for the party?” She hollered. I had never known aunty to be a sweet talker, but this still surprised me. No blessings, no congratulations, not even a birthday wish! All I got was a look of disapproval as she schooled me on my outfit choices. Little did my 16 year old self know, the conversation only went downhill. “Aren’t you too old to be wearing these chaddis?” She pointed towards my basketball shorts. “And look how tanned your legs are now!” She continued “You know guys like girls who are fair and lovely, yeah?” She giggled. I gave her a smile- one that didn’t reach my eyes-as I excused myself. I spent the next few hours wondering why a mere joke had left me so unsettled. Are my achievements not really worth something? Why does Nazrin Aunty think that pleasing men around me is my end-goal? While I barely saw Nazrin Aunty anymore, the questions kept growing over the years. The murmurs and complains were different every time, but boiled down to the same. “Beta(child), this is not our way.” they would say. The wish to stifle individualities stem from fear- of growth and change- and I realized that I, too, can bring this fear. Shanti, my domestic help, was forced to undergo an abortion by her husband and in-laws when they found out that the fetus she was carrying was a female. As Shanti wept for the daughter who wasn’t given a chance, I had wondered why I wasn’t snatched away like that, and why my grandmother had never called me or Sana, my sister, an embarrassment. It was only after a while that I grew to sense the persistent force that drives to curb every women’s creative urges. Women, like Shanti, as well as my sister and I, battle mediocre minds that seek them to conform. While Shanti suffered in silence, because that is what she was taught to do, others, like me, refuse to conform because they can. I, cushioned by my privilege, had never considered feminism to be a topic of my interest, until I felt the force of prejudice- the same force that amplifies manifold by the helplessness of women like Shanti.
Feminism is simply the radical notion that your sex, gender, skin color, choices within the legal ambit, social strata, country of origin, and any such subsidiary classification does not exempt you from having access to basic human rights, dignity, and respect. It, however, contains the word ‘feminine’, a term that encompasses everything men have been told is below and beyond their range of emotions, hence explaining why men, and in turn women, shrink from it. However, feminism is about the fight for equality, while questioning the oppression of and abuse against one gender for centuries, and about making choices without tempering self-authority. It's about supporting, uplifting, helping, and empowering women to aim for equality. It's about learning how other women experience oppression—and recognizing your privilege by understanding that people don't experience societal standards the same way. It's about leaning and realizing that the society treats women of different sizes, races, backgrounds, gender identities, physical abilities, differently and that one should be mindful of that. This often brings a natural question, surrounded by ideas that contradict and confuse. If it is equality that I want, why do I insist on using the word ‘feminism’, and not ‘equalism’? The answer is simple: because we, as a society, have not earned the right to use the latter yet.In the society that we live in, in most cases, men already hold the standard and privileges that women are trying so hard to achieve. Be it higher pay or walking down the street without being attacked- verbally or physically- for simply existing or having the constitution have a say in your reproductive rights, many issues that involve inequality are also issues that only women face. Equalism slides into complacency. People, who choose to call themselves ‘equalists’ do so to avoid conflicts and offense, and to avoid any bias on the basis of gender specifically. However, while claiming to be an equalist, they willfully ignore the challenges and bias that women still face, hence contradicting their goals. If one fights for “equality”, they fight for inclusion, and often, the most powerful group (that is, straight men, on the basis of gender and identity) is the status quo. The other groups- ones that faced oppression and are still struggling to achieve equality- fights to be included in its way of life. Men, who were in power and at the top of the social hierarchy, created this status quo that favors their identity, sexuality, and masculinity, and looks down on anything that does not fall under this criteria. This is exactly why the concept of equalism is so hostile to the urgent and obvious needs of women who embody difference from it. One cannot struggle to end or even address the oppression of a group, if they refuse to ever center the group in the struggle. While the inequality affects men and women both, and while men are just as important in this struggle for equality, they tend to dominate the conversation in equalism, simply because of the history of them dominating the gender equation. Uplifting women, however, does not mean that men are not equal stakeholders. Neither does it mean that they are simply allies, who support, and not beneficiaries, who gain, from this struggle. Unlike patriarchy, that glorified and highlighted aggression and misguided masculinity, feminism believes in breaking the shackles of stereotypes and treating both men and women as emotional creatures. It believes in understanding the pain of women like Shanti, and of all men and women, who are a victim of the deep-rooted patriarchy. By focusing on the transitional demand that is equality, feminism builds the reason why women are speaking up, why men are recognizing the toxicity of masculinity, and why the society is recognizing the need to change.