If a person does not look into the eyes directly, it’s because it’s difficult for them. Especially if this person is insecure. If someone is insecure they are afraid of their true feeling being revealed right in front of the other person. So it really has to do with how you feel about yourself. If it’s important for you to get information to the person you’re talking to, you will most likely look into their eyes to let them know you are genuine and really engaged in the conversation. If you simply observe someone using eye contact you will be notice things about the person, especially if this person does not appear to be using it. It’s a strategy you can use, it can help get you out of awkward situations as well as make you appear more assertive and smart.
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With the help of a good attitude and a little confidence you can really make your days seem more accomplished and make you feel less awkward. Instead of hiding your real emotions, eye contact can really improve a conversation, help you feel more open instead of feeling like you must hide yourself.
A renowned philosopher Jean Paul Sartre declared, “hell is other people” which means people fix us with their stare and see us as an “object rather than our subjectivity.” Because if you are quick to look away, you won’t need to feel as if the other person is judging you. We end up hiding in ourselves so we don’t feel the shame of someone else seeing us for who we are. While you are looking at someone you will notice that you will be judging them or just being in the moment with them. You will feel curious about them, and want to know more about them.
They say “eyes are the window to the soul,” as well as it can be a window to the heart. If someone is attracted to their partner their eye contact would be prolonged and that is a sign of attraction. That’s because its a power simulator of affection, when you are looking at someone you are attracted to your pupils will also dilate. Prolonged eye contact with someone you are attracted to causes you to release phenylethylamine and oxytocin, which are chemicals for feelings of attraction, as well as long term bonding and commitment. Shakespeare himself wrote in “Love’s Labour’s Lost: “A lover’s eyes will gaze an eagle blind.” It’s a physiological fact. Our vision is 80% of what our bodies take in. Which makes it very important between two people, to communicate with each other giving non-verbal cues to get their true feelings across.
For me, I’ve had a few experiences where I questioned why eye contact was such a problem for someone people and sometimes a problem with me. While I was talking to a friend, who is possibly introverted. Some days he won’t even look at me while I was talking to him while the
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whole time I was easily staring into his eyes. He would sometimes stare at me but it was really for a split second which really ended up making the whole conversation awkward. Lately, he has been able to stare into my eyes when I speak to him but I get the sense it’s still not easy for him, so I found that I probably should do less staring into the eyes and more looking away to make it less awkward for him and it actually works to keep the conversation flowing. So now it’s become a lot easier to have a conversation with certain people. I will watch how they act and talk and usually I can tell a few things about them before I start up a conversation with them. I will make sure to use eye contact if it’s necessary with the specific person, If they are comfortable with eye contact then it will be easy for me to keep a conversation as well as keeping it real with them, it will be easier to make yourself appear more capable. But in the cases of someone who sees it as difficult there are ways to help make it easier to have a conversation with them.
Proper use of eye contact can benefit you with lot’s of things such as, interviews for a job, setting a good impression when meeting new people, become more sociable, less awkward encounters, and overall a good feeling about your self-image. Improper use of eye contact could lead to, lower self esteem, people will see you as lower than them, seeing you as someone who doesn’t try hard enough, being antisocial, and at the end of the day, feeling as if you didn’t do enough. I believe it’s important to practice this because it can greatly improve your day to day life to help you feel more accomplished.