When discussing leadership, it may seem hard to verbalize what one may appreciate in a leader. Upon my entrance into the Leadership Program, I was exposed to a wide variety of information concerning leadership, that I believe has allowed me to further explore what type of leader I hope to become. While I am aware I have not, and possibly may never fully understand my leadership identity, I do believe that with further exploration I will continue to learn more about myself and my role in relationships with others.
Like most of my peers, my childhood was a fairly average one, consisting of the normal play and exploration encountered at a young age. As an only child, I never encountered the convenience of having a playmate in the same home, so I often relied on the companionship of my neighbors. However, the number of children in my neighborhood seemed to constantly grow smaller, leaving me in the company of my parents and other neighbors in their age group. While my parents worked their hardest to make themselves present in my life, their work often came first, somewhat forcing me into a position of independence at a young age. This early independence lead my younger self to view leadership as a solitary endeavor, rather than something that requires the work and enthusiasm of a group. It was not until I began my involvement in clubs and sports that I realized the strength of a leadership really relies on the relationships between leader and follower.
Although my step from reliance to autonomy was quite fast-paced, I do believe it taught me a great amount of responsibility and gave me the confidence in myself that has allowed me to succeed throughout different stages in life. While my parents did offer love and support to me throughout my development, they did not always make the most responsible decisions. Because of this, I was somewhat thrust into the role of my parent’s caregiver and began to adopt this role in my friendships as well. As my friends and I matured throughout the years, my role as the caregiver grew along with us, and has become a pretty sedimented role I tend to play in all relationships. While I do enjoy taking care of others, I recognize that I often spend more time focusing on the needs of others over my own. Although this may not be a pressing issue, I often find myself feeling weighed down by the various complications I am attempting to resolve. Described as compassion fatigue, this feeling of exhaustion takes place in those who tend to immerse themselves in the suffering of those around them. In order to continue growing as a leader, I need to make time for handling my own problems before burying myself in the issues of others (Wren, 1995). While I do believe a good leader should be deeply involved in the lives of their followers, the leader should also maintain a sense of stability in themselves before they may offer any true help to others.
While my parents played both present and positive roles in my life, I believe my first true model of leadership was my boss, Rick Lyons. As the owner and operator of a popular local restaurant, Rick put his heart and soul into his success of his business and the morale of the staff. Whenever a coworker was facing issues that impacted their work, Rick always made himself available to talk and attempt to understand the situation, without burying himself in their lives. It was viewing this dynamic that made me realize I could remain compassionate and concerned for others while still maintaining my own mental health. As mentioned before, I often find it difficult to draw a line between caring for someone and completely adopting their issues as my own. However, while watching Rick I was able to gain a better understanding of the necessary balance between care for others and care for self. Along with offering me a better understanding of self-care, Rick was also the first leader I viewed who maintained a level of comfort with his followers. As a young girl, I had always envisioned leaders to be cold and distanced from their followers in order to maintain a level of superiority. It had never crossed my mind that a leader could also be a friend to those around them, until I began my employment at Lunch and Supper. Although Rick was the owner of the restaurant, he treated my coworkers and I like family, often making jokes and casual conversation during slower shifts. This dynamic between him and the workers really offered a sense of warmth and belonging throughout the staff and is something I hope to cultivate in my future leader and follower relationships.
Although I have taken the Myers Briggs test before, I always look forward to reading the results, as the test offers interesting information concerning one’s natural strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. As an ENFP, my personality type is often described as energetic, free spirited, and emotional. Extravert was my most surprising result, as I have usually been deemed an introvert in the past. While I believe I am a rather balanced mixture of both, it is possible that my entrance to college has allowed me to explore more of my extraverted side, and thus slightly changed my results. On the other hand, being more intuitive over observant was not surprising, as I have always considered myself a fairly creative person. While I do think creativity is a strength in problem solving, it is important for me to remember that not everyone learns in the same way. With such an unbalanced score between intuitive and observant, it is important for me to consider applying more practical skills in my everyday life, rather than simply relying on being innovative in times of crisis. In my opinion, the least surprising result I received was the feeling, as I feel my emotions play an incredibly significant part in my personality. While I believe being so emotionally driven does offer me an increased awareness of the feelings of those around me, it is important to recognize that this can also present itself as a weakness. As an emotional person, I do not always think with my head, and instead simply act based on what I am feeling at the time. As I go forward, it is important that I take a step back from my feelings and consider the practical implications of my choices. Finally, I was deemed the prospecting type over the judging type. As a prospecting personality, I believe I have a heightened capability when it comes to adaptation in times of stress. However, my lack of planning is also a large weakness, as it makes projects more difficult for those who work beside me. After my short time at university, I have already encountered problems around this personality trait. While my lack of critical planning may not have been a large issue in high school, I have more things to juggle in college, and have frequently found myself stressing over things that I could have handled weeks prior. As I continue to grow as a leader, I think I will focus most on this trait, as it is important to remain composed and organized while leading a larger group.
After taking the Life Values Inventory, I discovered my two most important values were belonging and concern for others. To me, the belonging value stresses the importance of belonging to, and seeking comfort in a group. As an only child with a very limited extended family, I originally never felt as though I truly belonged to any tight knit collection of people. I believe this early onset isolation is one of the main reasons I now cling so heavily to the small trusted groups of friends I create. With both parents working for the majority of my childhood, I had to explore outside my home in order to find a group that I could seek comfort in and was lucky enough to find that in a few friends. As I grew older, the individuals that I held closest changed, but the sense of belonging and safety I felt with them did not. This emphasis I place on belonging made the transition between high school and college extremely difficult, as I felt incredibly stressed without my original support group beside me. While the first few weeks on campus were difficult, I was soon able to forge new friendships and have since began creating a new group to find solace in. As I move forward in life, it is important to recognize the possible threats that can accompany maintaining individuality in a tight knit group. As a collection of friends continues to become closer, it is possible for groupthink to develop, leading the members to a minimized view of self and maximized view of the group dynamic (Wren, 1995). Despite the comfort that belonging to a group can offer, it is important to also be able to find comfort in the presence of my own person (Loehr, 2017). This comfort with self is something I have not yet mastered but hope to better understand as I grow as a leader.
Along with the value I place in belonging, I also place a large emphasis on concern for others. Even as a young girl, I was always an extremely empathetic person, often resulting in my actions being driven by my heart, rather than my head. This pattern has followed me throughout the years and is something I need to constantly monitor. Although I do believe my concern for others allows me to create more personal connections with those around me, it is important for me to maintain a sense of objective analysis in times of emotional reaction. While I have always stressed my concern for others, objective analysis was my least influential life value, and is something I intend to work on as I mature.
Although my leadership identity is nowhere near fully formed, I do believe I have a slight understanding of who I am and who I want to be to those who may follow me. In the few leadership roles I have taken, I have never been a very strong or forceful leader, as it is simply not in my nature to act in that manner. Around two years after I was hired as a hostess at Lunch and Supper, I was appointed Front of House General Manager, a role I was incredibly intimidated by due to my young age. Because I had been working there since age fourteen, I had always been referred to as the baby of the restaurant and had never really been seen as an intimidating force, making my step up to my new position much more difficult. After an extended amount of time, I was finally able to gain the respect of the staff and began noticing my coworkers actively listening to and appreciating my commentary. While I had finally gained the respect of my coworkers, I still found immense stress in delivering criticism or bad news. At a young age, I had to learn how to balance being kind for the sake of being kind and being stern with a friend or coworker in order to improve their performance. As I explored how to approach this dynamic, I often observed Rick in his communications with my coworkers. While Rick was a kind boss, there was still a level of respect that the entire staff held for him, and I knew this relationship was something I wanted to cultivate in my future leadership experiences.
In my life, the leader I most identify with is my first boss, Rick Lyons, as he was the first true leader I experienced. Because my parents never were great examples of leadership, I never truly understood what leadership consisted of, or even how to be a good leader. It was not until I began my employment at Lunch and Supper that I was finally exposed to what I believe is the type of leader I hope to become. As I have stated, Rick was the first leader I encountered that was able to balance offering compassion and receiving respect from his followers. In my time at Christopher Newport University, I hope that any leadership role I take on will be as balanced as the one I experienced with Rick.
While I do not expect to become the president of any organization on campus, I do hope to act as a leader in minor ways throughout my four years. After learning about servant leadership, I have decided to focus on refining that aspect of my own leadership identity (Komives, 2013). While I do not believe I participate in service for any malicious intent, I would like to focus my service work on others, rather than myself. It is important to remember that service is not simply fulling a certain number of hours set by the university, but rather assisting others who can no longer assist themselves. Along with this, I also hope to begin the cultivation of a growth mindset (Dweck, 2008). After discussing the difference between growth and fixed mindsets, I became aware of how far away I truly am from achieving a growth mindset. After years of focusing on simply succeeding in school and work, I fear that I have become slightly sedimented in a fixed mindset. In order to fix this, I need to begin focusing more on the journey to success, rather than the final destination. While this transition of mindsets will be incredibly difficult, I believe that with time, I will move much closer to having a growth mindset for my future.
While I recognize that I am nowhere near the point of finding my own true leadership identity, I hope to at least move a little closer towards understanding it in my four years on campus. Although I have only been away from home for one semester, I am already able to recognize changes I have made for the betterment of myself and those around me. With a better understanding of my strengths and weaknesses, I feel more prepared to continue my journey in understanding myself and how I will impact the world around me.
References
Dweck, Carol S. (2008) Mindset :the new psychology of success New York : Ballantine Books
Komives, S. r. (2013). Exploring leadership: for college students who want to make a difference. Third edition. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Loehr, A. (2017) How to live with purpose, identify your values and improve your leadership. Huffington Post
Wren, J. T. (1995). The leader’s companion: Insights on leadership through the ages. New York: Free Press.