Investigation into how one’s perception of a “best friend changes from childhood to adulthood”
Forhad Alom
UCL, Institute of Education
Abstract
Throughout our lives, we create friendships based on what we expect from the person at that moment in time. This study seeks to identify how the perception of a best friend changes as they go through different life stages, mainly from childhood to adulthood.
In this study, structured interviews are used on 22 participants with diverse backgrounds to see if there is a pattern or a difference between how we envisage best friends at childhood and how we envisage them at adulthood. The interview data was analysed thematically in order to pick out key themes and categories that were integral to having a best friend in the different life stages. Within the data, I found that during childhood our best friend was usually the person we spent the most time with and this changed in the adulthood where many participants felt like they could go a long time without seeing their best friend however the connection did not change at all.
Investigation into how one’s perception of a “best friend” changes from childhood to adulthood
The friendships we form are very important but the reasoning behind the reason we create those friendships change as we go through different life stages. At childhood, the role which the best friend performs is that of a more physical one where they help the development of one another as they grow. As we get older, the best friend plays a more sentimental role. They become an emotional base to which the person can freely express themselves and vent when needed, this is because some problems may be too explicit or too embarrassing to share with family and this was found within a few of the answers given by the participants in this study.
Research from Hartup (1992) emphasises how significant friendships are as he states that “friendships furnish children with socialisation opportunities not easily obtained elsewhere, including experience in conflict management as well as experience in cooperation and sharing”. Having friendships allows for these skills to be nurtured as some of the skills can only be learnt through friendships, an example would be conflict management. If you have an argument with a sibling, there is not much variation one can do to solve the argument as most likely it will get solved within time. However, with friends, you choose to see them or not. You have to make effort if you want to keep it going which makes conflict management much more active within friendships and not the family.
Method
Participants
22 participants from various backgrounds, different cultures as well as different life stages, were interviewed. Their ages ranged from 18 to 40, the diversity of the cultures varied from the British culture to the Chinese culture.
Materials
To attain data, structured interviews were used for this study and they consisted of 11 questions (you may find these questions within the appendix). Each interviewer used these exact same questions and did not stray away from it in an attempt to achieve consistency when it comes to analysing the answers in a qualitative manner.
Questions such as “would you consider yourself to have a best friend?” were used to understand the participants’ feelings towards the concept, some did not believe in having a singular best friend and at that point they are allowed the chance to explain their view before carrying on with the interview.
Procedure
The interviews were of a face to face nature, one interviewer and one participant. The interviewer followed the interview schedule to the exact letter to achieve consistency which will make results much more clear and conclusive. All the interviews were recorded on smart phones and following the interview, each participant was debriefed to ensure there was no physical or mental harm. Each interviewer transcribed their interview and each participant was given a number, no personal details that could identify them were present therefore confidentiality is kept. After this, all transcripts were compiled together so thematic analysis could be done.
Data analysis
The analysis technique chosen for this study was thematic, this is because when you read through similar pieces of qualitative answers, it becomes very clear which themes and aspects were very prevalent even if they did not say the actual word. Through the context of the answer, it becomes easy to identify and group similar answers.
Results
From the data, I have found that during childhood a key theme that was prevalent behind the reasoning of having a best friend was for amusement or entertainment. From all the interviews, 8 participants referred to their childhood best friend as being entertaining or amusing. One example being when Participant 1 said their best friend was “fun to be with”. However this theme was non-existent when it came to the questions surrounding their present best friend with not even a single participant referring to amusement when answering the questions surrounding their current best friend.
The theme that featured the least when the questions were revolving around their childhood best friend was loyalty, as it had only been mentioned once. It is very interesting how that theme becomes the most prevalent when the topic is about their current best friend with 7 participants mentioning how loyalty is important, particularly when participant 6 is asked about their perception of a best friend and they replied “Definitely somebody loyal to you and exclusive to everybody except you”. This highlights how some traits are rendered not as important anymore and how other traits rise in importance. Qualities that seemed like they were important at childhood were no longer as important in the present/adulthood and vice versa.
Another important result that was found within this data is that the participants did not think common interests are important when having a best friend. It was common when the questions were surrounding childhood best friends but the theme vanished when the questions were revolving around current best friends.
Equally as frequent as loyalty, emotional support was also very important when the questions were surrounding the current best friend. 7 participants touched upon the theme throughout the interview, participant 7 emphasised on the importance of being able to “express your feelings to a person that isn’t family”.
Discussion
This study does in fact highlight that perceptions of a best friend change through life stages, particularly from childhood to adulthood. The findings were in line with the hypothesis in question. However, some of the results found were not in line with prior research within friendships.
One of the results that was found within this data is that the participants did not think common interests are important when having a best friend. This directly contradicts previous research within this field as C. Roberts-Griffin (2011) found that among the 15 to 30 age group, “26% said that they needed to have a common interest with a person they considered a close friend”. On the other hand, E. Kennedy-Moore (2011) stands with this study, in opposition to C. Roberts-Griffin’s research, by saying that close friendships above the ages of 12 are built through appreciating the differences between themselves and their friends. This defends my findings that imply common interests are not important anymore and that the ability to look past the differences is what creates close friendships.
E. Kennedy-Moore’s levels of friendships (2012) also supports my findings that say emotional support is very key to building close friendships. She claimed that from the ages 12 and above, “place a high value on emotional closeness with friends”.
The use of structured interviews were effective as it helped us gain key data and it kept the answers more consistent and easier to analyse. One thing to note would be that if semi structured interviews were used, there could may have been more exploration around the questions which would have resulted in much more qualitative data. Also the sample data was relatively small with only 22 participants, however we interviewed participants from various backgrounds and cultures in an attempt to make it representative of the wider population. If we had used a larger sample, I believe it would have been very representative of wider society and if given another chance, this should be a key area to look at so the findings could be generalised to a bigger population.
In conclusion, the findings do concisely tell us that throughout lifestages, mainly childhood to adulthood, our perceptions of best friends do change. This study does delve into a sensitive topic about friendships and it provides insight as to why the perceptions change and how people expect different things from friendships. It also highlights how events from old friendships affect how a person will look at future friendships.
Appendices
Appendix 1 – Interview schedule
Do you consider yourself to have a best friend?
Have you had more than one best friend?
When did you meet your first best friend?
When did you change best friends?
What qualities did your first best friend have?
Are these similar to the qualities of your current best friend?
(If there is any change) Why do you think this is?
What is your perception of a best friend?
How have your views and values of a friendship changed over the years?
Has your perception of a best friend changed over time?
Can you describe an experience that changed your perception of best friends, when did it occur and how did it affect your perception of a best friend?
Appendix 2 – Transcript
A = Interviewer
B = Participant
A: Do you consider yourself to have a best friend?
B: No, I don’t have a single best friend but I have a few
A: Have you had more than one best friend?
B: Yeah, I have had more than one best friend
A: When did you meet your first best friend?
B: At the age of four
A:When did you change best friends?
B: At the age of seven, because I had to change primary schools.
A: What qualities did your first best friend have?
B: Sporty, funny and kind
A: Are these similar to the qualities of your current best friend?
B: Yeah, my best friends are very kind
A: If there is any change, why do you think this is?
B: Because when you grow up, the bonds you make are tested much more
A: What is your perception of a best friend?
B: It is nice but it’s hard work, it requires a lot of commitment and time management
A: How have your views and values of a friendship changed over the years?
B: The longevity of the friendship does not determine the strength of the relationship
A: Has your perception of a best friend changed over time?
B: Yes it has, when you grow up you realise there are a lot more differences than similarities
A: Can you describe an experience that changed your perception of best friends, when did it occur and how did it affect your perception of a best friend?
B: Only met a friend last year and she was going through a traumatic experience and I was there for her, she was also there for me when I was going through my downs and I feel like that made the bond strong and in comparison, I have known people for years but they were never there to help me when I was down.
References
Hartup, W. (1992). Friendships and their Developmental Significance. In H. M. Gurk (Ed.) Childhood Social Development, (Ch. 7, pp. 175-205). Hove: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Roberts-Griffin, C. (2011). What is a good friend: a qualitative analysis of desired friendship qualities. Penn McNair Research Journal, 3, 1-14.
Kennedy-Moore, E. (2012). Children’s growing friendships: How children’s understanding of friendship changes and develops with age