Identity. It is a very complicated concept that cannot be defined easily. It is very subjective, making it nearly impossible to come up with an absolute definition. I had never really given much thought to my identity until the first class of the writing seminar course when I was asked the almighty question by Dr. Krystyna – “Who are you?” I was the first one to be asked and frankly, I was caught off guard. Thus, I was only able to come up with a weak attempt at an answer – “I’m Adeeb”. However, the three weeks that followed was a journey to self-discovery for me. Those three weeks helped me realize that my identity is a complex yet integral concept. My identity was almost like a puzzle made up of various fragments from different aspects of my life such as; my nationality and culture, my family and the languages I speak. During this journey, I was able to discover the pieces that make up the puzzle that is my identity. This puzzle, when put together, is what makes me unique and differentiates me from the 7 billion other people in this world.
One of the most important pieces of the puzzle is my nationality and the culture that I was brought up in. As an Indian born and brought up in Kuwait and studied at an international school, I have been exposed to a plethora of various cultures throughout my life. The very first apartment I lived in had neighbors from different parts of the world, which meant that growing up I used to go Easter egg hunting with my friends from Armenia, celebrated Mikulas with my Czech neighbours and went for Eid Ul Fitr prayers with my Kuwaiti friends. All of the cultures that I have been exposed to in my life have had an impact on me and led to me being the person I am. Although, all of these cultures have had an effect in one way or another, there are two that really stand out – my Indian culture and the Arab culture that I was brought up in. They are two very distinct cultures, each with a rich history of its own. This resulted in me not being fully Indian or Arab but rather a combination of the two, with aspects of both cultures integrated into my identity. Thus, I am what they call a “third culture kid”. Admittedly, this did have its own benefits, as I was able to take the aspects of each culture that I liked and make up my own however, it also meant that I never really fit in in either community. This is why I was able to relate to Nancy Huston when she said that a foreigner living in a foreign land will always be “involved in theatre, imitation, make-believe”. (1 – p.55) However, that being said, I felt more comfortable in my Arab world as that is where I had spent most of my life. I was born and raised in Kuwait whereas India was the home that I visited in the summer. Sometimes, I even felt like a foreigner in India and felt like I was different from everyone else and so, had to act like someone I’m not, to put up a front.
Another extremely important fragment of my identity that cannot be overlooked is my family. If I had to choose one thing that has impacted me the most and helped mold me as a person, it would have to be my family, but more specifically my parents. Coming from a proud Indian family, my parents have always emphasized the importance of maintaining a link with my Indian heritage and culture. This involved going to an Indian school in Kuwait till grade 8 where I learnt Hindi, Indian history and culture. Moreover, we always went back to India every couple of years to keep in touch with my family. I am certain that I would not be the person that I am today if it wasn’t for the values and morals imparted upon me by my parents. This aspect of identity is aptly summed up by Salvador Minuchin – “In all cultures, the family imprints its members with selfhood. Human experience of identity has two elements; a sense of belonging and a sense of being separate. The laboratory in which these ingredients are mixed and dispensed is the family, the matrix of identity.” (2) This was a quote that really caught my attention when I heard it as I completely agreed. The impact of family on one’s identity is often overshadowed by other aspects however, I still think it is extremely important as they are the people that you grow up with and constantly see. I am extremely thankful for my family and the impact that they have had on my identity. Another reason for this is that family has always been very important to me as I am very close to my family and try to maintain strong ties with them.
Being a third culture kid, I fully realized how powerful a tool language is. It is essential to communication and language changes from region to region. This is why language was another important part of my identity. To survive in both cultures I had to be bilingual. However, I was not merely bilingual, I could speak four languages – English, Arabic, Hindi and Malayalam. For me, each language was associated with a certain aspect of my life and I would not be able to survive without each of them. Malayalam was my mother tongue as it is the native language in the state of Kerala, India. It is the language that I grew up listening to and talking at home so I am fluent in it. I associate it with my family and my house only speaking it when I am at home or in India. However, English is the language that I associate with education and friends. It is also the language that I’m most comfortable in and the one that most of my thoughts, music and writing are in. It is also the only language that I can read and analyze sophisticated literature in. On the other hand, I am not very fluent in Hindi and Arabic. Hindi was a requirement for me to know as it is the national language of India. I felt like I had to know how to speak, read and understand Hindi atleast at the basic level to be considered Indian. I associate Hindi with my nationality and it is something that I have always been and always will be proud of. Arabic is the language I associate with my religion of Islam as our holy book, the Quran, is written in Arabic. Thus, learning how to speak and understand Arabic was a conscious choice that I made as I deemed it necessary at young age. This was further emphasized as I grew up and started to have an increasing number of Arabic speaking friends. This is why I completely disagree with the character ‘Mamacita’ from ‘No Speak English’ as she was very stubborn and refused to adapt to her new culture and learn the language. (3) She was attempting to hold on to her culture. I understand this sentiment however, speaking from experience, I can definitely say that it is possible to maintain an optimum balance of two cultures. This is the best possible solution as you get the best of both worlds and helps you fit in in both places.
Putting the pieces of the puzzle together and evaluating one’s identity is by no means a simple feat. It is, as I described, a complex concept made of various fragments. All of these parts that I discussed have impacted my life and made me the person I am today. This journey to self-discovery, instigated by the writing seminar course, helped me realize what makes me me. Now, I can confidently say that I have the answer for the question “Who are you?”