If I Stay is a novel written by Gayle Forman in 2009. If I Stay is a novel about seventeen years old girl named Mia Hall who force to make a choice without her biological family because her biological family already passed away. The author used a lot of flashback memories to explain Mia’s conditions and the situation around her. Her concerns about her life is the main point of the story which leads to her worries about who actually is she and how is her life without her family? As these questions come up, the family connections have huge influences for it. At the same time, the author adds larger view of truth about these questions.
If I Stay is written with Forman’s personal experience, which gives the reader an insight in her thoughts and feelings. Forman spent her four years college life in Eugene, Oregon which makes her to choose Oregon as the setting place for If I Stay. ‘The hospital scene is Portlandit’s a stand-in for OHSU, where my doctor friend went to med schooland all the Portland references are real.’ (Sheffield, Liz, 2010). She also put her personal experience about her friend that went to medical school at OHSU hospital in Portland which is described in the story when Mia in her coma. In contrast, she does not have any background about medical and music, therefore, she asked her friends that really understand about medical and music to make the story as obvious as possible.
Throughout the book emotions, thoughts and feelings are described through teenager life with language that they can understand easily and some symbolisms. The language gives the reader clear feelings of the emotions whilst personal and descriptive language gives the reader clear pictures of the situations. The main symbol in this book is music, especially cello as the medium to grow in confidence. Through Mia’s experiences in music, family connections make her grown up into a person who is independent.
If I Stay is told in chronology but also have a lot of reverse chronology to explain all of the puzzles. It started with snow day in Oregon and Mia’s family car accident, where the author introduced all of the characters in the story. After the car accidents, author started to use flashbacks to explain the situations. Through these flashbacks, the reader possible to understand the story and emotions and also the relation to characters’ behaviors. On the other hand, Forman expanded the definition of family by introduced Kim as Mia’s best friend and Adam as Mia’s boyfriend who are considered as family without any biological connections. It is known from the beginning of the story that something terrible is happened and the situation is not clear enough to understand, but the reader is kept in curious until the very end of the story.
The purpose of this extended essay is to explore the family connections. Each section will examine the family connections between the characters from different characters’ point of view. I believe that biological family connection will affected the most of characters’ personalities and behaviors, but it could be argued that Mia extended family also shaped the characters’ personalities and behaviors. The first section will examine the family connection between Mia and her biological family connection shaped Mia’s family behaviors. Same as the first section, the second section will examine the family connection between Mia and her biological family connection but shaped Mia’s behaviors. The third section will examine the family connection between Mia and her extended family that shaped extended family behaviors. Same as the third section, the fourth section will examine the family connection between Mia and her extended family but shaped Mia’s behaviors. The question ‘To what extent do family connections affect the characters in If I Stay’ written by Forman will be examined.
II. Essay Body
Mia and biological family connection shaped Mia’s family behaviors
Mia, Teddy, and their parents have a strong family bond that shapes their behaviors and personalities. Due to some impactful experiences, Mia and some situations succeed to shape her family behavior and the reason why she can decide about her life and her future.
In the first flashback, the author directly explained that Denny Hall or known as Mia’s father, joined a musician lifestyle not only because of his interest in music, but also to provide his family a better life. This is one of the examples of a difficult choice and sacrifice he gives up for his biological family. Denny was a punk-rock guitarist and he prefer to use motorcycle instead of car because he thinks motorcycle is cooler than a car. After his wife complained about her pregnancy and the situation that they do not have a car, Denny seems to more understand and realized that he needs to use car because they will have more family members. For example, “But when Mom had pregnant with Teddy, she’d put her foot down. Enough she said. Dad seemed to understand that something had changed.” (Forman, 2009, p.12). This is an example of a difficult choice he had to make, because he was not trying to learn how to drive and get his license which changed after Kat Hall’s pregnancy. As the time goes by, he became fair to everyone by the sentence; “‘As I was saying, NPR first, and then when the news is over, the classical station. Teddy, we will not torture you with that. You can use the Discman’” (Forman, 2009, p.13) as the evidence. Music is also the most important element in Mia’s family. Through the different taste of music, Mia and her family be able to respect each other.
In another flashback, Forman directly explained Denny’s commitment to his family even though he has deep loves for music, but his number one priority is family. It shows by the quote; “Years later, shortly after his daughter was born, Henry called our house one night in tears. ‘I get it now,’ he told Dad.” (Forman, 2009, p.185), Denny left the band because of his family is more important to him. Denny left the band when Kat is pregnant and become a teacher. Even though he cannot perform in the band anymore, he gets more experience as a dad and also a friend that can give a full attention to his children.
Mia succeed to convince her parents that become a cellist is her life. “Once they’d realized I was serious, they immediately swallowed their giggles and put on supportive faces” (Forman, 2009, p.28), this quote was the first time the author told the readers how Mia convinced her family by her seriousness. With Mia’s seriousness, indirectly she shaped a new personality and new environment for her family.
Mia and biological family connection shaped Mia behaviors
Mia is the main character in If I Stay. Throughout the story, the lack of confidence is Mia’s major problem. This is caused by her past and the fact that she is the most different in her family and in her environment. She is the holder of many connection regarding between the other characters: How Mia’s biological family shaped Mia by their behavior, conversations, and situations. Living without a family is not easy for Mia Hall; the author illustrated Mia’s depression mostly by body language. Everyone loved Mia when she was alive and during her coma. She had a perfect life; with a handsome and famous boyfriend, family that always support her, a best friend, and an amazing musical talent, especially cello.
Throughout Mia’s life, she always thought that she does not belong to this family. She got dark-brown hair while all of her family got blonde hair and she loves classical music, especially cello rather than punk-rock music. Due to the differences between her biological family members and herself, caused a lack of confidence in her life. Lack of Mia’s confidence began when her parents would always make jokes about someone switched their baby at the hospital. Because of this joke, Mia always thinks that she really does not belong to this family. “If I felt like a fish out of water in my family, …” (Forman, 2009, p.55). The proverb, ‘I felt like a fish out of water’, is a good representation of Mia’s life, feeling clueless about unfamiliar situations and unfamiliar. At the same time, the proverb also has meaning in how a fish cannot live without water which, again, represent fear Mia will face without her biological family in the future. Mia spent 17 years with her family and never lived alone before which leads to the understanding that she cannot live without her family. I can conclude that Mia loves her family more than anything else, but at the same time she cannot forget about her differences with her family. Indirectly, Mia is not comfortable enough about her life and she cannot socialize at the school is the evidence of her lack of confidence.
Denny is known as the biggest music influencer for Mia. Denny Hall bought Mia a cello for her birthday present, is the symbol of support from them. This leads to the conclusion that they can understand more about their child’s interest. The author indirectly explained that cello is the symbol of Mia’s life. She made her first decision in her life with her first impression to cello. The fact that her whole family is a punk-rock musician, cannot believe that she decided to learn cello and wants to be a cellist in the future. Mia’s parents responded with: “They apologized about it later, claiming that the image of print-size me with such a hulking instrument between my spindly legs had made them crack up.” (Forman, 2009, p.22). This sentence illustrated that Mia is only a little girl without any power. Mia’s parents could not believe that Mia is going to learn something new and it’s impossible according to her body size. With her parents’ distrust, Mia started to grow into an independent woman by practicing by herself and proved that she is capable to do it.
As the research from University of Sheffield, University of Bristol, and University of East Anglia proved that family connections formed by an inner connection because of hormones or parenting experiences. Mia and her father show this inner connection when Mia needs to perform for the first time in her life. The research also shows that mother is usually has stronger connections to their children because the mother is the person that gives you birth and had hormone during her pregnancy such as antenatal bonding which a feeling connected to unborn baby, compare to father, but it does not cover the possibility to have inner connection between father and child. This might not be caused by a DNA relation and not related to the type of music, but the inner connection of stage fright makes Mia feel the same way as her father. This makes Mia feel better about herself in her family community and she knows that her family will be with her every time. It convinces Mia to be strong and believes that she can do anything she wants to. It shows by sentences: “I laughed through my tears. Dad put a gentle arm around my shoulder. “You know that I used to get the most ferocious jitters before a show.”” (Forman, 2009, p.25) and “Now I was laughing. I was still scared, but it was somehow comforting to think that maybe stage fright was a trait I’d inherited from Dad; I wasn’t just some foundling, after all.” (Forman, 2009, p.26). As the connection already formed since Mia still in the womb, the bond is getting stronger and reducing her worries about the differences in her family which makes her more open to other people.
Mia and extended family connection shaped Adam and Kim behaviors
The definition of family is expanded through the story and Forman try to give the readers explanation that family is not only related because of their blood. At this point, Forman uses Adam as Mia’s boyfriend and Kim as her exclusively friends. Mia loves to spend her time with Adam, Kim, and her family together. Same as Mia’s family, due to Mia’s behavior, situations, and conversations, she also shaped Adam and Kim personality.
When Mia and Adam meet for the first time, Mia is a shy person and feels like Adam will make fun of her because of the type of music that she chose. However, over the time, they can accept each other and form bonds over their love and music. By the claim: “He practically became the third kid” (Forman, 2009, p.114), the author gave a direct explanation about the definition of family. The same music taste between Adam and Mia’s family makes Adam easier to be considered the part of the family. The definition of family does not have any limits in this situation.
“I love that you’re fragile and though, quiet and kick-ass. Hell, you’re the punkest girls I know, no matter who you listen to or what you wear” (Forman, 2009, p.101). Through all of the flashbacks that author directly put, I can conclude that Mia does not really comfortable about herself, both in Adam’s circle and her family’s circle which means that Forman uses Adam as another example of the extended family and has a connection between them. Yo-Yo Ma classical concert was the situation when Mia realized Adam’s understanding about her, just like her biological family. In Adam’s point of view, he just wants Mia to be herself which means he gives a sincere understanding for her. Once again, Mia thinks she is failed to become a good person for Adam because of she is different and could not understand him as he understands her. Adam proved that the differences are the main key to the relationship which is related to Mia’s biological family situation-the differences between them make the connection even stronger. While Adam appreciates how is Mia trying to comfort herself in his circle, he loves Mia as herself. This situation makes Mia no longer feel bad about herself and became the turning point of their relationship.
“If you stay, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll quit the band, go with you to New York. But if you need me to go away, I’ll do that, too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would just be too painful, that maybe it’d be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I’d do it. I can lose you like that if I don’t lose you today. I’ll let you go. If you stay.” (Forman, 2009, p.231).
Adam learns that he cannot have anything that he wants to from Mia, especially if he asked Mia to stay with him because Mia has her own decision and Adam cannot forces her to do it for him. Mia shaped him to be a person that understand more about other people feeling and decision.
“It is Yo-Yo Ma. Playing Andante con moto e poco rubato. The low piano plays almost as if in warning. In comes the cello, like a heart bleeding. And it’s like something inside of me implodes” (Forman, 2009, p.231).
Cello as the symbol of “family” and “life”, gives Mia strength to stay. Through cello, she understood about her family connection, remind her about her family, her problems before, and her life with both her biological family and her extended family. During Mia’s coma, Adam decided to play Yo-Yo Ma to convince her to stay with him. This is because he believes that Yo-Yo Ma was the first time that they have the connection between each other he wants Mia to know that the connections will not be over which forms an inner connection between them. The deep emotion from the cello, bonds Adam and his love with Mia’s soul. When the cello and Adam already had united, Mia realized what she will lose if she dies, not only her whole family but also her future and Adam. She decided to stay with Adam, make her future to happen, and keep remembering all of her family.
“They sit there in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, it reminds me how of how Adam and I can be together but quiet and separate and I realize that they’re friends now, friends for real. No matter what happens, at least I have achieved that” (Forman, 2009, p.125).
A lot of family connection has appeared during Mia’s coma. The fact that Mia always wants Adam and Kim to be a good friend never happened, this situation makes Mia happy. One of non-flashbacks situation explains that Kim and Adam possible to bond by their love for Mia. As a friend but also a family member for Mia which makes Mia’s condition gets better.
Mia and extended family connection shaped Mia behaviors
Not only for Kim and Adam as her extended family, Mia also feels the definition of family is not just for her family by blood, but with people that give her hope, happiness, and trust. Mia cannot make her own decision without her family, she does not have a soul and she cannot be herself.
“… I felt like a fish on Mars in Adam’s circle.” (Forman, 2009, p.55)
Mia already felt that she does not belong to her biological family, but Mia finally feels that someone could understand her after Adam bought her a Yo-Yo Ma ticket concert. Before that, the author uses proverb ‘I felt like a fish’ to describe Mia in Adam’s world, which is a pop-rock music. This proverb interpreted as Mia’s discomfort in Adam’s circle. In my opinion, the author uses Mars as one of the closest planets from the earth. In this context, the earth refers to Adam and Mars is Mia. Mia feels that she is really small in Adam’s circle, but she is the one who is the closest and has the stronger connection to Adam. I can also think that the fact of the earth is bigger than Mars also become the evidence how Adam try to protect little Mia. At the same time, I think the author chooses Mars because Mars is a ‘desert’ planet which represents the drought of Mia’s soul before she met Adam.
”Quid pro quo. Only fair,” I said, pointing to his Mozart ensemble (Forman, 2009, p.97). The fact that Adam dressing up as a Mozart for Halloween and it touched Mia’s feeling. During this time Mia still trying to grow her comfort around Adam, but she still cannot comfortable enough in punk-rock concert and costume for Halloween. The fact that Mia feels guilty because she sees her inability to embraced punk rock, but Adam has embraced classical music for Mia.
During her coma, Kim shows up and give Mia and her family strength. Kim gives Mia a strong determination in her life. Along with Adam, Kim is one of the most important role models for Mia. This is really important for Mia’s relationship between other people even though it is not large. Started with an uncomfortable relationship with Kim, such as her relationship with her family and even Adam, makes a strong bond between them with the diversity. On the other hand, Mia believes that if she sees Kim and Adam it will make her life choice is even harder.
“Just like music, sometimes you have harmony and other times you have cacophony” (Forman, 2009, p.210). Jamming with guitars played by her dad and cello played by herself teaches Mia about the harmony that exists inside something that seems unfamiliar, but with a little effort, they can prove that rock guitars and classical cello can make a harmony. Again, Mia applied the harmony of music into her personal relationships. With these differences, Mia understands to respect each other and have greater tolerance.
People in coma condition who heard familiar stories from their family members around four times a day in a month, via recordings played over headphones, significantly shows faster and improved recovery compare to patients who did not hear the stories or communicate with their family members. In this case, not only her biological family members that come such as her grandparents and her aunt, but Kim and Adam as her extended family come and talked frequently with her. This connection gives Mia strength and understanding to make her own decision which leads to her new personalityindependent.
III. Conclusion
Forman is using the element of music to explain every connection of the characters because Mia is growing up in the music community. While the character’s emotions are built by music and family members, both biological family and extended family, the emotion and family connection strongly affect the story. Respecting all of the differences become the strongest part of the story. While investigating the research question ‘To what extent do family connections affect the characters in If I Stay by Gayle Forman?’ it was found that the theme and the definition of family connection plays a big role in the characters and the plot of the novel; the family connection between Mia and her family by blood, and the definition of family that expanded to her closest people, all give the novel a degree of psychology. The biological family has definitely affected the characters’ personalities and behaviors deeper compare to the extended family. Mia parents, especially when his children were born, this is because he realized that family is more important than anything else and putting aside other things that are not related to the family. At the same time, the biological family also affected the most of Mia’s personalities and behaviors such as a shy, musical, and independent girl through all of the situations and communications between her biological family. On the other hand, her extended family also have an important role in building her personalities and behaviors. Through the understanding given by Adam, Mia can make her own decision and become more mature and care about other people which also applied for Adam. The reader’s views on the characters keep changing throughout the novel because of constant newly exposed the truth and the flashbacks to complete the puzzles. The author used music as a media of flashback of the story. Mia seems to understand about her life more and more.
Mia slowly reveals more and more about her feeling about both her biological family or her extended family. All of the characters were mostly influenced by all of the connection through their conversations and situations. If I Stay’s storyline is build up through flashbacks and family connection, both from biological family and extended family, kept by various characters. Until the very end of the novel, all of the puzzles about family still not clear enough or blurry. With all of the evidence that I can take from the book, both directly from the author or symbols, there are though many unanswered questions. Forman never told the reader how much Kim has actually affected Mia’s personalities and behaviors, and how Adam made Mia finally decided to stay. It is either Mia wants to study music more at her dream school or she wants to stay with her extended family because she believes that she still has family. All of the information given is biased, either by Mia’s experience, Gramps’ conversation with Mia during her coma, or her life with Adam and Kim.