Divorce is not the perfect solution
Though "Of all lawful acts, divorce is the one most disliked in the eyes of Allah," it has become extremely common in Egypt during the last twenty years. Ahmed Sobhy's Al Motalakat or The Divorced Women talks about the suffering of divorced women in Egypt. There are certain social norms which they should follow. Otherwise, people would start gossiping about and backbiting them. In this series, the writer, Sobhy, attempts to change the way the society perceives and thinks of divorced women. He also tries to change the way divorced women perceive themselves. In Egypt, there are two types of divorce: revocable and irrevocable divorce. The former "happens when a couple [has] divorced twice." The latter takes place when they have divorced thrice. ("Women's Rights after Divorce in Egypt, According to Egyptian Family Law (Sharia)"). Recently, divorce spread like a wildfire in the country. According to the Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS), "The national divorce rate [has] increased to 2.2 percent with 155,300 documented in 2012 in comparison to 151,900 in 2011." ("Egypt marriages up by 2.7%, divorces up by 2.2%").
Divorce could be initiated by both men and women. In her book Culture Shock! Egypt, Susan Wilson says that men "can get a divorce rather easily." However, for women "getting a divorce is much more problematic." (98). During the twentieth century, it was difficult for women to file a divorce in Egypt, and that was "represented in the Egyptian film I need a solution." (Emery 1199). Nowadays, "women who seek divorce in Egypt have two options, fault-based or no-fault divorce (khula)… [because they] can only divorce by court action (tatliq)." There is a difference between the two options. ("III. Overview of Mariage and Divorce Laws in Egypt"). In the no-fault divorce, parties are not required to prove either was at fault for the breakdown of the marital relationship or that specific grounds exist for a divorce… [It is based on] irreconcilable differences." On the other hand, "due to a state's interest in the marital status of its residents, all state legislatures have passed laws governing the grounds on which a divorce will be granted." This means that there must be reasons for which the divorce is allowed. ("Fault vs. No-Fault Divorce"). Countless reasons could lead to divorce which is not an easy decision since the divorced couples and their children suffer greatly after going through it.
There are many factors that lead to divorce. First of all, infidelity, which is a fault-based ground, could lead to divorce. Men and women can commit adultery which makes them lose faith in each other. Consequently, they will terminate their marriage because "mutual trust and respect [are] crucial for the stability of any relationship; once lost, they can never be restored." ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). In other words, there is no way they can live together after what happened. They cannot resume their marital relationship right where they left off since they find it hard and impossible to act as if nothing has happened. Some couples would decide to turn a blind eye to this heinous act of adultery and go on with their marriage. However, they will never forget it or forgive each other because they no longer trust each other.
Secondly, parental interference could also lead to divorce. It "starts when one of the partners storms out to their parents who usually react in exaggeration because they love [them] dearly and unconsciously take [their] side." Accordingly, "The problem which could have been easily resolved between the couple is now inflated." ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). When the parents interfere in the couple's problems, it creates more problems. Thus, problems become way harder to solve, for it is no longer the couple's problems, but their families'. The couple could have easily solved their problem without involving their parents. Parents should not get involved in their children's married lives unless they were asked for their opinions.
Thirdly, getting married for the wrong reasons could end up in separation. Nowadays, some people get married "to satisfy their parents." ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). Parents would try to find Mister Right or Miss Right for their children. They would even arrange marriages for them explaining that they will not always be there for them because they are ageing. They want to make sure that they are happy and cared for before they die. Being under pressure, they get married to please their parents. Others get married "to satisfy… society." ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). Single girls, for example, yield to social pressures and get married. These girls are tired of hearing hurtful words uttered by everyone around them: "What is your problem? Are you too picky or perhaps 'mo3akada'??" ("Getting Married For The Wrong Reasons!"). Others get married in order to "have kids" ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). When a girl grows old, she fears that she will not be able to have children. Therefore, she marries the first person who proposes to her even if he is not her prince charming. Others get married to "seek freedom." ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!"). Single girls decide to get married trying to escape from all the restrictions forced upon them by their parents. However, when they get married, they find other harder ones. Hence, people should get married only when they are extremely in love. They should get married when they find the right person and when they really want to spend their whole life with this lover. ("Reasons Behind The Soaring Divorce Rates in Egypt!!").
Divorce is extremely distressing for both men and women. Both suffer emotionally, financially, and socially. Both men and women are affected emotionally because of the "marital failure." Usually, women cope better than men. Nevertheless, both of them "experience a mix of emotional reactions in the chaos ranging from grief, fear, anxiety, guilt and depression to anger and relief." ("The Effects of Divorce on Women & Men"). Adel Sadek, Professor of Psychiatry at Ain Shams University's Faculty of Medicine, talks in his book Divorce is not the Answer about the effect of divorce on the couple. Sadek says that after divorce, one's feelings or emotions get "cold." After that one will be incredulous and he goes into a state of shock which is followed by a state of denial. About two or three weeks later, they go into a state of grief which is more like depression. One feels like he or she has "failed" or that he is "guilty." The divorced couple feels that they did not only fail in their "marital life," but they also failed in life (78). They lose confidence in themselves which makes them lose interest in everything. They lose their appetite or over-eat. They also have trouble sleeping and they feel they have nowhere to go. Then, they get angry with their divorced partner (79). After that, both divorced partners are able to get rid of all of these symptoms, but they become moody. During this stage, they feel "alone." Maybe "after a year" or "three," they will be able to get rid of all of these negative emotions (80-81).
In addition, both men and women suffer financially. Men who divorce their wives have a lot of responsibilities. They should give their wives " 'El muta' alimony and … 'Muakhar el Sadaq' (deferred dowry)." El muta is two-year alimony which is given to the ex-wife "as compensation for the damage" she underwent because of the divorce. It is estimated according to "the husband's financial and social standing," the conditions of the divorce and the time during which the marriage lasted. At the time of divorce, the husband should also pay muakhar el sadaq which "is agreed upon in the marriage contract." Men should also provide their ex-wives and their "children with a home" ("Chapter Five: The Personal Status Laws"). They should also pay child support. Some of them start over and marry again which causes them a lot of money. Women also struggle financially even though her ex-husband gives her child support. As a last resort, she starts working because child support payments are often not enough.
Moreover, the divorced couple has to deal with the community which looks down upon them. For example, the community thinks that there must be a defect or (flaw) in the husband's character that made his wife get divorced. Women are perceived improperly. Women who pursue a divorce hear a lot of depressing words about "their new status." For example, people say that she is "easy" and that she "did not make the right choice from the beginning." People also say that it will be her fault if anything happened to her children. They say that "she could not take care of her home." ("5 Things Divorced Women are Tired of Hearing"). Simply, the society will not let the divorced women forget that they failed in their marital lives. Additionally, women would see her divorced best friend as a threat. She would fear her since she could take her husband from her. There are certain norms and restrictions which they should follow. For example, they should not get arrive home late at night. They should not travel alone as well, and they should dress properly. Otherwise, people would start gossiping and backbiting about them.
Divorce also affects the children of the divorced parents. "They slip into a state of shock seeing their parents separate forever." ("10 Side Effects Of Divorce On Children"). They become depressed because their parents are always fighting and quarrelling. They can do nothing to help their parents solve their problems. They become tense, nervous ("10 Side Effects Of Divorce On Children") and they do not feel at ease because of the continuous fights. They become anxious ("10 Side Effects Of Divorce On Children") and afraid that the continuous fighting of their parents would end up in separation. Children of divorced parents "develop doubts about love and harmony in relationship… have trust issues." Because they find it hard to trust anyone, they will have "trouble with relationships." They will be uncertain if they made the right choice.
As a result, it will be difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. Their education gets affected because no child can "dwell in this state of mind when he suffers the tension of family conflict." Children find it hard in this kind of atmosphere to study. The fears and anger of the parents harm their children. ("Divorce’s Effect on a Child's Education"). Divorce makes children reduce interest in education. The grades of these children drop significantly ("10 Side Effects Of Divorce On Children") because divorced parents do not take care of their children. The parents' problems take a lot of their time. Thus, children of divorce miss their mother's love and their father's guidance. They become confused, messy, careless and inattentive. They do not finish homework; they do not submit their essay on time. They do not care about punctuality.
In conclusion, innumerable factors could lead to divorce which is not an easy decision because husbands and wives suffer along with their children. Life after divorce is problematic because the divorced couple has a lot of responsibilities. Accordingly, husbands and wives should consider the effect of divorce on them and their children if they have any. They should not get married for the wrong reasons, and they should also get to know their partner well before marriage. Husbands and wives should not let their parents interfere in their quarrels. They should discuss their problems and try to solve them on their own or they could seek help from a marriage counsellor. They should make the right choice from the very beginning or they will suffer for the rest of their lives.