JaKari Hargrove
Professor Creek
EGL 1010 LE01
14 November 2017
How Manly is too Manly?
In everyday speech the word “masculinity” relates to a man’s qualities and appearances. In gender-behavioral terms “masculinity” is an expectation that is passed down generationally as the standard of being a man. “The standard of being a man” meaning what is appropriate, what is not appropriate, what you should allow and what you shouldn’t. Now, being masculine or having a coherent sense of masculinity is not a problem. Having a toxic or fragile masculinity turns the natural masculinity into something ignorant and dense. Toxic masculinity causes men to act out because they are taught to think certain things aren’t okay. Being brought up to be overly masculine harms the person affected and the people in their environment.
Growing up in a overly masculine house you are taught crying makes you weak, a girl or a “faggot”. The implied misconception being that a man is less of a man if he shows any emotion publicly. From personal experience it is common growing up thinking “I better not cry or else I’m gonna get made fun of”. There was a study in the 1980’s that shown women cry an average of 5.3 times a month while men have an average of 1.3. There is a popular line among black parents: “If you wanna cry, I’m gonna give you something to cry for”. Crying is supposed to be good for you! Tears contain a toxins and chemicals are released in the body whenever we cry tears of sadness that relieves us. According to scientists there is a endorphin called “leucine-enkephalin” that is found in emotional tears that reduce pain and improves moods. Furthermore, men it is okay to cry, we all need it and we all do it.
Teaching a male at a young age not to cry will affect them their whole life. Teaching the anti-crying narrative can sever a man’s emotional connection between people. Crying is a release of emotion. Without that release of emotion you subconsciously marinade all the stuff you hold in, awaiting the inevitable blowup. Excessive stress can also be an effect of holding in your tears. According to Dr. Lisa Rene Reynolds “Holding things in can cause a constant state of elevated stress hormones that the body is not meant to sustain for long periods of time,. She also says this stress can weaken your immune system and bring on headaches, cold sores and also cause flare ups of conditions of pain and fatigue. Crying is alleviating, everyone needs to cry every once in awhile. Dr. Tina B. Tessina agrees by stating that “Keeping your emotions at bay can cause an individual to lack self-worth and to be anxious and depressed, which can foster physical illness. As revealed by the various Doctors not being able to emote causes a lot of internal issues.
Being overly masculine can also mean you are fragile to certain things you’re exposed to. For example, growing up males are taught to dislike homosexuals. They are also taught to use the derogatory word for a homosexual: faggot. Once again from personal experience it is taught that gay people are a serious threat. You are to not associate yourself with them. Thus, creating the term fragile masculinity. Fragile masculinity is the status of a man “manliness” where anything controversial to his beliefs triggers him mentally. Various religions also push the anti-gay agenda. For example there are Christian hate groups that go out to the LGBT pride parades and protest with signs like “God hates fags” or “You’ll burn for eternity”. “God hates fags” because in the bible it says“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination”(KJV, Leviticus. 18:22). Even though the bible says homosexuality is an abomination it also says “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (KJV, Matthew. 7:1-6).
Through fragile masculinity men react in different ways such as: aggression, violence or sexual domination. Homosexuality and Transgenders are a current trigger that men with fragile masculinity seem to be reacting to. Religious men already feel like they’re abominations and want nothing to do with them. Once you add the toxic/fragile masculinity it becomes a serious danger. The overly masculine man reacts to them as a threat to his manhood and feels the need to prove his manliness. There have been multiple tragedies in the United States dealing with LGBT hate crimes. According to the NCAV the United States has had thirty three LGBT targeted hate crimes this year, that's one death every six days. On Nov. 2nd, 2017 a father in Nevada killed his 14 year old son because he thought he was gay. His wife even stated that his mindset was “He would rather have a dead son than a gay son”. Sadly, in their mind beating up, killing or even in some instances sexually abusing them is their way of teaching them a lesson.
Lastly, men are taught a ignorant idea of relationship norms. Men are taught the idea that women are a man’s house slave and that they cannot step out of their boundaries. It all roots back to the men of early generations teaching their kids that being in a house is the women’s only useful purpose. While men are supposed to be working or fighting for this country women are supposed to be at home fulfilling the households day to day needs. They took care of the children, cleaned the house, made every meal and at the end of the night had a husband to please. Dr. Natasha Quadlin of Indiana University did a study on americans beliefs on which partner should do the household and childcare chores. The study found that of 1000 people 62 percent of the people believe women should be the stay at home parent.In addition to the relationship roles men also have an agenda to suppress women. Abortion seems to be a big topic for men to speak on not knowing the premises behind women wanting an abortion. It’s the woman's body, yet a man can tell her what to do with it. Also, in Saudi Arabia women legally are not allowed to do anything without permission from male guardians. They have to ask a man if they can marry, divorce, travel, get a job and many more ordinary tasks. Nevertheless, women have been fighting society to rid of the stereotypical submissive role..
Given this false mentality creates this trigger in men where if they get rejected they tend to act disorderly. There are trending stories about women simply refusing to take guys numbers causing the guys to react violently, some even going to the point of killing the women. Last year a 16 year old was stabbed to death for rejecting a prom invitation. Situations like this contribute to the reason why women are scared to reject/leave a man. For example, according to the One Love Foundation women are seventy percent more likely to stay in an abusive relationship because they are scared to leave. They never know what reaction they could receive! Unfortunately, this is due to a man being raised to the idea that women are submissive and males are dominant.
Overall, masculinity is appropriate when expressed properly. Fragile/toxic masculinity create issues for the people affected throughout life. Even though every man does not reap toxic masculinity it’s still an important issue that affects people daily. It’s detrimental to bring awareness to over hyper-masculinity to prevent the negatives outcomes that follow a triggers male.
Works Cited
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Hoyt, Alia. “How Crying Works.” HowStuffWorks Science, HowStuffWorks, 2 July 2008, https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/crying1.htm
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J, H. “The REAL meaning of 'fragile masculinity'.” Black Pigeon Speaks, 18 July 2017, http://blackpigeonspeaks.com/2016/11/the-real-meaning-of-fragile-masculinity/
Brabaw, Kasandra. “LGBTQ People Are Being Killed At Alarming Rates.” LGBTQ Gay Transgender Death Murders 2017 More Than 2016, 11 Aug. 2017, www.refinery29.com/2017/08/167707/lgbtq-deaths-murders-2017.
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Smith, Lydia. “Father allegedly shot and killed his 14-Year-Old son for being gay.” The Independent, Independent Digital News and Media, 7 Nov. 2017, www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/father-allegedly-shot-killed-son-being-gay-killed-murder-teenager-nevada-wendell-melton-a8041886.html.
“11 Reasons Why People in Abusive Relationships Can't "Just Leave".” One Love Foundation, www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/.