The death of a grandparent has a profound effect on grandchildren, adult children, and the family system as a whole. Grandparents are an important asset in a family structure. They provide guidance, love, wisdom, caregiving, and support. Due to the fact that elderly adults are living longer, “todays grandparents may be more likely to retain their grandparent roles over time and live some of those years in relative good health, contributing to stronger ties with grandchildren” (Manoogian, Vandenbroeke, Ringering, Toray, & Cooley, 2017). When a grandparent dies, it may leave a family heartbroken. The grieving process of a grandchild and adult child may differ in many ways. For instance,“When the death of a grandparent occurs, it reverberates across generations and is often the first death of a family member experienced by adolescents and emerging adults” (Manoogian, Vandenbroeke, Ringering, Toray, & Cooley, 2017).
Grandchildren who are emotionally close to a grandparent may experience “higher levels of grief during their bereavement” (Manoogian, Vandenbroeke, Ringering, Toray, & Cooley, 2017). In addition, the bereavement period for a grandchild experiencing death for the first time, may increase symptoms of confusion, shock, and anxiety making the loss of a loved one far more difficult for grandchildren when compared to adult children. However, for adult children, the death of a parent normally occurs “between the ages of 45 and 64 years and between 35 and 54 years…” (Winsborough, Bumpass, & Aquilino, 1991, as cited in Abeles, Victor, & Wood, 2004). Adult children, therefore, are better equipped to deal with the negative effects of grief, due to maturity and previous experience with the death of a friend or family member. Therefore, the death of an elderly adult will have a greater impact on grandchildren than the adult child of the deceased.
A life event, according to Elizabeth D. Hutchison is an, “uncommon [event] that bring[s] about some change in our lives…” (Hutchison, 2015,p. 156). A life event could be traumatic, or a normal occurrence in life such as the death of a loved one. This paper will focus on the life event of two females, and the impact the death of a loved had on them. The interviewees were, Constance a middle aged adult, and her daughter Elizabeth, a 18-year-old. Constance and Elizabeth live in Ghana,West Africa, as a result due to physical barriers, the interview took place over Skype.
On May 8, 2014, Constance and Elizabeth experienced the death of their mother/grandmother, Mary. The death of their loved one was a significant event that altered their behavior, relationships, and outlook on life. Constance and Elizabeth were interviewed about how the death of Mary impacted them emotionally and psychologically. The interview focused on their thoughts, perspectives, behavior, reactions, and lessons learned.
Interview
According to Ghanaian culture, grandparents are required to live with their adult child and their family as they age, in order to ensure they are well taken care of. For that reason, Mary resided with her daughter Constance, and her grandchildren Elizabeth and Richard. The interviewees disclosed they were very close to Mary. They viewed Mary as a caring mother/grandmother, a friend, and a companion. The interview was conducted to explore whether the death of a grandparent effects grandchildren or adult children more.
Constance and Elizabeth were asked a series of questions pertaining to their relationship with Mary. They were first asked questions about the memories they shared, in order to determine the depth of their relationship with Mary. They were asked, what was their favorite memory of Mary. Constance replied that her favorite memory of her mother was when she was a child. Her mother would always make sure that when she returned home from school she always had food prepared. She also added that she cherished the times her mother would teach her how to cook. Elizabeth shared that her grandmother was always there to get her out of trouble. Elizabeth explained that her grandmother was very patient with her and rarely got upset or raised her voice at her.
When asked whether they had any nicknames for Mary, Constance replied that she would call her mother “Muno”, a Ghanaian word meaning my beloved mother. Elizabeth would call her grandmother Nana. When asked to describe Mary, Constance described her mother as someone who loved her children and kept a close relationship with them. She shared that when her father passed away, her mother vowed to never remarry because she wanted to focus solely on her children as well as keeping her loyalty to her deceased husband. Constance also describes her mother as being a great provider, a hard worker, and a trustworthy person. Elizabeth described her grandmother as being energetic, outgoing, humorous, caring, and big hearted. She disclosed that Mary had passion for helping others in need.
Next, Constance and Elizabeth were asked whether they had a particular lesson they learned from Mary. Constance replied by stating that her mother was never a gossiper so she learned to never gossip about other people. She also stated that her mother always put her children first and as a result Constance also puts her two children first. Elizabeth, on the other hand, learned to save money, value education and make the best out of life.
To gain a deeper insight into Mary’s values, Constance was asked what her mother valued most in life. She replied that Mary valued church and her relationship with God. She shared that Mary enjoyed fellowshipping with other older adults in her church. Elizabeth answered that her grandmother valued respecting others and oneself as well.
Constance and Elizabeth were asked to describe Mary’s character. Constance said she was honest, reliable, and forgiving. Elizabeth said she was charismatic, forgiving, honest, and strong-willed. Constance and Elizabeth described Mary’s personality as being outgoing, chatty, upbeat, and lively.
The day Mary passed away, Constance revealed she was at work and Elizabeth was in college. When asked how they reacted when they heard the news about the death of Mary. Constance stated, she screamed and cried. She mentioned it was difficult to contain the strong surge of emotions she was experiencing. Elizabeth on the other hand, stated she was in shock and could not believe the news she received. She mentioned she shed a few tears but reality had not hit her at the time. The next question was how did they feel at that moment when they heard the news. Constance shared that she felt like a part of her was taken away, she also felt extreme sadness, and pain that felt like it was cutting through her flesh. Elizabeth mentioned she felt numb, devastated, disbelief and extreme sadness. She noted she had difficulty processing how she was feeling at the time. When asked how the death of Mary affected their thought process, behavior, and attitude, Constance shared that her mother was ill before her passing. Mary had dementia, and was in and out of the hospital before she passed away. Constance disclosed she was expecting and preparing herself to receive the news that her mother passed away. Constance expressed feeling empty. Her attitude towards her other siblings was also negatively affected. She felt as though if her siblings were able to get along with each other and solve their differences their mother could possibly still be alive. She still had thoughts that remind her of the pain her mother suffered before she passed. However, Elizabeth’s attitude was quite different from her mother's. She shared she felt as though she was not important anymore because she had lost a close friend, a friend who made her a priority. She experienced difficulty with change. She had anxiety forming new relationships for the fear of losing them suddenly to death. Due to the pain she was experiencing, she withdrew and was easily angered and irritable towards her mother, brother, and other family members. She had difficulty expressing her emotions and felt no one could understand the pain she was feeling.
Both Constance and Elizabeth believed their religion helped them cope with the grief they faced. Constance consoled herself by telling herself that her mother was in a better place and she no longer had to suffer. Elizabeth said she turned to religious music which she believed helped her.
When the interviewees were asked whether the death of Mary affected their relationship with extended family, they confessed it did. Constance recalls her siblings pointing fingers and blaming one another for not stepping up to help in the care of their mother. In Elizabeth’s case, her relationship with a few of her mother's siblings were destroyed because she was upset due to the fact that her aunts and uncles were blaming her mother for not taking better care of Mary. Constance and Elizabeth negatively coped with family strife by avoiding certain family members and gatherings. They both shared that they would become easily angered around family members. Elizabeth’s relationship with her brother Richard and her mother was slightly negatively affected but overtime was restored once they were able to discuss the pain they were experiencing. Constance coped by reading religious books on grief and reflecting on the good memories she shared with her mother. Elizabeth coped by listening to religious music and surrounding herself with friends in her church.
Constance and Elizabeth both stated that their grieving period lasted a little over a year. However, they continue experience brief periods in which they miss Mary. When asked if they experienced any guilt, Constance replied that she felt some guilt because she was not able to give her mother the much needed attention when she was falling ill. At the time she had a demanding job, two children, and was also battling breast cancer. She explains she did not have the energy nor the support to give her mother the best care and because of that she blamed herself at times. Elizabeth shared that before her grandmother passed away, she was away at her first year of college. She was unable to visit her grandmother often. Elizabeth felt guilt because she was not able to spend time with her grandmother as she was able to before she went off to college.
Constance and Elizabeth were asked how returning to school and work was after the burial of Mary. Constance shared that although she was aware that her mother was gone, she still had difficulty concentrating at work. She had moments in which she would find it difficult to concentrate on tasks she was expected to complete. She would also have short periods of extreme sadness. Elizabeth shared that is was difficult going back to school because that was where she received the news that her grandmother, Mary, had passed away. Constance and Elizabeth were then asked how the death of Mary changed their life. Constance responded saying that now that her mother is gone, she does not stress or worry about giving her mother adequate care, however she also mentioned that she struggles with loneliness, because her two children are away at college and she is home alone. She also shared that although she does not get along with some of her siblings, she is trying to reconcile her strained relationship with her siblings because she realizes that death can occur at any time and she wants to make sure that her siblings know that she loves them. Elizabeth stated that the death of her grandmother gave her a new perspective on life, she came to understand that losing a loved one is a terrible and difficult experience but it also taught her that life is precious and it is important to always show love and appreciation towards loved ones.
As the interview came to an end, Constance and Elizabeth were asked two questions. One of the questions was, what do they miss about Mary, and how are they feeling now that three years have passed since the death of their beloved. They both shared that they missed her jokes, her words of wisdom, her advice, her hugs, and her company. Constance shared that she had adapted to her living situation, and her mother being gone, however she thinks about her mother from time to time. Elizabeth shared that she has also adapted to her grandmother being gone, but at times wishes Mary was still alive so that they could spend time together like old times.
Analysis of the Interviews
How an individual responds to the death of a loved one depends on the person’s stage of development and how the individual experiences and expresses grief. The process of grieving is different for many individuals. Grieving for an adult, teenager, or child is a unique journey and heeds different emotional, psychological, and physical responses. An individual's response to death may manifest depending on one's relationship with the deceased, previous experience with death, and the level of emotional maturity an individual possesses. Based on the interview with Constance and Elizabeth, I have come to the conclusion that the death of an elderly adult effects grandchildren more than adult children.
When an adolescent loses a grandparent, it is often the first time they have a real encounter with death. Dealing with loss may be difficult, however at the same time may help them mature. In the interview, Elizabeth disclosed that the death of her grandmother was the first experience she had losing a loved one. According to Carla Ens and John Bond Jr (2005), “The bereavement process after a grandparent's death may indeed affect many facets of the adolescent including his or her death anxiety level” (Ens & Bond Jr., 2005). Because Elizabeth had never experienced losing a loved one, she expressed fear of losing a family member and fear of forming relationships with others. Adult children on the other hand, may have previously experienced the death of a loved one, therefore they are more capable of handling and expressing their emotions when a parent passes away.
Death may have a greater impact on adolescents who once had a close relationship with a grandparent. The bereaved grandchild may be unfamiliar with their feelings and may not know how to react or know how to properly deal with their emotions. Adolescents experiencing grief show signs of, “…shock, depression, fear, loneliness, anger, difficulty sleeping, changes in study habits, feelings of emptiness, disbelief, sense of hopelessness, and guilt (Davies, 1995; Oltjenbruns, 1991) as well as feelings of vulnerability, fear of intimacy, and an excessive concern for others (Fanos & Nickerson, 1991)” (as cited in Ens & Bond Jr., 2005). Elizabeth expressed that she had difficulty processing her emotions. When Adolescents are subjected to a crisis such as death they lack the ability to cope efficiently causing them to become overwhelmed with emotion. During the period of grief, adolescents are in great need of a supporting parent, or family members that will help explain and validate the emotions the child, teen, or young adult may be facing.
Conclusion
Human behavior explains a person’s behavior based on how an individual reacts to others, events, and the world around them. It also focuses on how a person's thoughts, reactions, and perceptions shape their behavior. In social work, practice is driven by social theories and based on person and environment construct. Overall, it is essential that social workers understand that an individual's genetics, culture, values, attitude, and ethics influences how a person behaves.