Love is varied and defined to each person differently. In the two films I’ve examined have contrasting genres but rolls around the idea of death and dying, diversity, family relationships and sexuality and intimacy; The Cemetery Club directed by Bill Duke based on a play written by Ivan Menchell; Iris by Richard Eyre based on memoirs by Iris’s husband, John Bayley. The Cemetery Club is about three friends, Esther, Doris, Lucille who become widowed by the death of their husbands and differently handle their life afterwards. Iris, on the other hand, is a biographical film that shows a couple whose wife experience Alzheimer’s disease lead into death and her husband, John who stays beside her. The two movies depict how each main characters Esther, Doris, Lucille and John copes with their current state of relationship, whether it is the spouse’s illness or start of a new relationship. The central characters are profoundly affected by relationships that are most valued to them. These relationships are the experiences in the older characters’ lives that were particularly challenging for them. This paper argues about the physical well-being in chronic conditions, social well-being, and personal life values result in both positive and negative choice making.
The first film is named The Cementery Club made in 1993 by Bill Duke. It was based on a comedy-drama play about three friends, Doris, Lucille, and Esther in their mid to late fifties, who lived in the same Jewish community in Pittsburgh. For the first few minutes of the film, three friends become widows one after another within past few years and uneasily have to face the future. From then, they gather once a week to visit their husbands’ grave and afterwards talk about their lives at the deli. Although they’ve known for many years and the social ritual connects them, the way each react on their widowhood is different, to move on and what it is to have “enough”. Doris is a strong-willed woman who is fiercely devoted to her late husband who fulfills her responsibilities as a widow and upkeeps the weekly gathering of the cementery club. Yet, Lucille wants to be seen as a merry single woman, though she was very lonely inside to partly seeks revenge against her late husband who often cheated on her. Esther was struggling what it is like to be on her own for she was married for thirty-nine years. Until one day while visiting the grave, they encountered Ben who was visiting his wife’s grave. The cementry club is scattered when Lucille finally rebels going to a place where half of the people are dead. Esther begins to unsteadily move on from the past with Ben’s encounter. Ben is a former cop turned into cab driver who gradually walks into her life. Doris is appalled of their relationship and says it is disrespectful to Esther’s dead husband. On the other hand, Lucille is a bit jealous of Esther in getting a new man. Through the loss of their husbands, they become even closer than before sharing the struggles and joys. Overall, the film was lightened from scene to scene, still, behind was the serious, thoughtful undertone. It opened a set of opportunities for aged characters to exchange their hopes and fears, and refresh their love life that is distinct from young, first love. the characters make humor of ageist stereotypes through their conversation yet the way they act or think is diverged, reinforcing that the older women stereotyped as unhealthy, asexual, shrivelled is rather not true (Koehn, 2017).
The second film Iris introduced a quite different mood from the first film; a biographical drama film based on her husband John Bayley’s memoirs of Iris directed by Richard Eyre. It stars an famous Novelist Iris Murdoch and her relationship with John Bayley. The film flows as it contrasts between when they first met and the present time as Iris shows signs of Alzheimer’s disease. Iris was an outgoing, brilliant scholar at Oxford who becomes a celebrated author and a philosopher. While John was a timid, socially awkward fellow scholar. Opposition of their personalities bonded rather falls in love rapidly. In the second phase of Iris’s life, she starts to experience forgetfulness and John becomes her caretaker as he witnesses her decline in health. As her illness gets more serious, John’s mind starts to flood with scenes from their past in a flashback as he felt hopeless and frustration over the harsh reality he has to face as Iris was once a successful, free spirited woman. Though, John was always so devoted to Iris that he frankly and compassionately dealt with her disease. The film delicately shows an aged woman who was once intellect deteriorates from the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease. Although it was not noticeable at first, as she writes her last novel, she has difficulties finding the right words and becoming blank of thought. As well, she goes to swim on a pond, which is her favorite hobby, when she drowns in the water forgetting to swim. After taking a series of tests twice, the doctors confirm the disease. By the time when she completed her novel, she loses interest and became bewildered. Eventually, as her Alzheimer’s disease takes over and unable to perform simple tasks, she is placed in a nursing home. Shortly after, she passes away. As it illustrates her life from young self before marriage to her death, it felt evoked tenderness yet darkness. the film is made based on a true story which the director did not reproduce ageist stereotypes in their depiction of older adults but rather felt cruel as it is very realistic.
In term of contrast, many elements were hard to compare as the two films shared not much in common. Though, each character struggles with relationship. What contrasts in making decisions are the conditions to physical well-being. First, in Fasse and Zech’s article, some of the bereaved people did not undertake distractions consciously for it to help them forget about bereavement but instead established a moment of respite (2016). All three friends in The Cemetery Club are rather healthy mid to late fifties who are physically independent. They live in an upper-middle-class community in the late 1980s which provides ability to pursue healthy lifestyle and housing options. So they were encouraged to stay on task, having interaction with other people by going to the deli, salons, weddings and more. In the analysis of “Coping Processes Among Bereaved Spouses” by Caserta in 2013, shows challenges that are not only about the grief of one’s death, but challenges of being independent. They require attention as they feel pushed to life demands that “commonly emerged as a consequence of their changed lives” (2013, p.151). On the other hand, in Iris, Iris gradually becomes physically and mentally dependent due to her illness in her late seventies. The film addresses John and Iris’s favorite activities which is to swim in the lake being naked. As they age and Iris ill, they are unable to do activities like this. Although characters from The Cemetery Club and Iris are transpired into being independent or dependent within the intervention setting, they are being challenged in both ways. Another, Peacock et al. (2017) argues that due to one’s chronic conditions, their general activity level changes by the spouse’s limited ability. In Iris, Alzheimer’s disease is shown through stages and on the last stage, Iris is unable to any verbal communication and is completely withdrawn from the present. As a result, John is also affected by the physical well-being of Iris. To go moreover into combining physical well-being and coping, “dyadic coping significantly affects caregivers’ well-being” (Hausler et al., 2016, p.1863). the results show that spousal caregivers have perceive stress drastically than the care receiver which was shown in Iris when John began to yell hateful words toward Iris while she was asleep. Iris’s relationship with John is an important component of the experience of living with chronic conditions. One can help to grow more effective dyadic interventions in which address distinctive effects of stress and adapting in patients and caregivers respectively with a better understanding of “the role of dyadic factors” (Hausler et al., 2016, p.1863). In the challenges occurred in a state of well-being physically, being independent and dependent has good and bad reasons that the characters has to undertake which many coped by dyadic relationships.
Another aspect that was different between two films were the level of social well-being characters. In The Cemetery Club, Doris, Lucille, and Esther are best friends because they went through many sorrow and joy together since before their husbands’ death. As for Esther, she has a daughter who worries of her widowhood and a granddaughter who enjoys spending time with Esther. For this, they are provided with family and friend support that create healthy, sustainable communities. For example, during events like funerals or weddings, everyone in the town comes together to at times comfort one and at times bless one. Many researcher, including Fasse and Zech (2016), emphasised on the role of one surroundings in coping to bereavement. In a way, it helps widowed people to do things that are not associated with their spouse’s death which many participants expressed an emotional well-being. Yet, in Iris, John and Iris live in a small community with very few friends. Most of the time, they like to be isolated by just themselves. Even when the couple’s old friend, Maurice assists Iris back to home after wondering for hours, John was unable to recognize him. This shows that the couple have not been in contact with old friends. According to article that conducted a research on spousal caregivers, almost every participant discusses the adjustments made in life for the caregiving made their lives feel on hold (Peacock et al., 2017). A strategy that participants proposed to sustain their job as a caregiver is taking for themselves in a form of physical activities and emotional connections with others as we get tired. Unfortunately, people who are in John’s position don't have time for themselves as they intensely focus on their spouse’s conditions. Simplest things like having dinner at 6 p.m. can be challenging. This then leads to the feel of isolation. Although John and Iris never really minded being isolated, as Iris’s Alzheimer’s gets worse John is more frustrated than ever as he has no one to reach out to. Even when the doctor and police officer comes to help, they give a disgusted look towards their unhealthy home, leaving john with no sort of support.
one another thing that challenge John is that he has to make all the decisions. This is due to the spouse who is no longer able to engage in small to big decisions. Looking back on the article of Peacock et al., it is the third challenge that caregiving participants said to be. Therefore, John is always so occupied by these decisions that he has to make for both Iris and himself makes it nearly impossible for him to have time for himself. As well as, with the community he has, there is no one to make the decisions for him. On the other hand, having taken care of Iris is a “gift of fulfilling commitment to the spouse” (2016, p.216). John was passionately loving towards Iris and wanted to keep her as long as he can. It is a way of expression of commitment, for example, when Iris opened the door in a moving car and falls down to the ground, she proclaimed that she loves John which she was in her middle stage of Alzheimer’s disease. Having the social support can be a big factor for people who are challenged by the relationships they are in. unfortunately, John and Iris did not have much, on the other hand, Doris, Lucille, and Esther had a community to go to and more specifically had each other who were all in a good state of health.
From two films with very distinct characters show how they coped relationships by personal life values. In the lives of the older characters, especially Esther and Lucille, the future provides them hope and optimism in starting a new chapter in life. Moving on from their loss. On the Article written by Fasse and Zech (2016), one of the bereaved spouse claimed that she has to continue living with and without her late husband. She says, “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life in this house with the paint he put on, you can’t do that either, can you? There are things like that you just have to cope with” (Fasse&Zech, 2016, p.222). people with loss of their spouse most likely distance them from memories in order to move on which is painful yet necessary. However, Doris and John looks back in their past for consolation. In fact, they are wanting to be away from their present state of relationship as a widow and as a caretaker of one once admired. As a caregiver, John continued to cherish Iris as she is. According to Landis et al. (2013), the studies of dyadic coping results showed that the dyadic interaction, such as support, role behaviors, joint activities, is important for the relationship satisfaction of aged couples. Depending on the spouse’s willingness to continue is also a way to satisfactory relationship. John was a character that tried to keep his interaction during Iris’s Alzheimer’s. John and Iris were a couple who preferred isolation, as well as winter to summer, the rain over sun. Moreover, they did not want children but to nurture themselves in having dyadic interaction. Sadly, Bayley states “then a three-year-old comes to stay, to live, to die. It is Iris Murdoch” (Amis, 2002, p. 267).
The evidence presented in this essay shows that old characters in the two films, The Cemetery Club and Iris, depict the life as a widow and a caregiver. Although the characters stand at the different state of relationship, they learn how to cope with their lives that are challenging for them. We observed that the film depict what relationships are most valued to each character; Doris to late husband, Lucille to new relationship but still her late husband, Esther to her new partner, John and Iris to each other. The importance of these relationship persists throughout the characters’ lives. One can observe how the characters adjust and cope with their relationship. This could be divided into three factors which are the physical well-being, social and community well-being, and their personal perception and value. The physical well-being of the three friends compared to John and Iris has contrasting levels as Iris was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. As well, the two film conflicts between the amount of family or friend support is provided and how the decision the main characters make rely on these support. Lastly, Doris, Lucille and Esther in The Cemetery Club learns to move forwards, hoping for a better future, while John and Iris in Iris look back at their past of free-spirited younger selves. All in all, varied relationships make people develop different coping strategies with positive and negative outcomes.