Michael Williams Jr.
Mrs. Johnson-Smith
English 3, Period 2
April 27, 2017
Effects Of Motherhood
Motherhood. Everyone has different opinions on what a mother is and how they should behave and treat their children. But what determines a good mother? And how can showing a child different levels of love affect them in their life and growing up? Some people believe that just because a woman has a child makes her a mother. Technically speaking she does become a mother but she also has to raise the child and nurture and care for them. Being a good mother isn’t buying a kid whatever they want and just making sure the kid is taken care of. And just because a woman beats her kids, puts them on punishment, and yells at them for doing wrong doesn’t make her a bad mother. When a mother beats or punishes her kids, she’s not doing it to be mean. She is doing it to teach her kids a lesson. That is a way of showing a kid love. By making sure they learn the proper life lessons which help guide them to making better decisions and can further lead them on a better path in life.
Part of a mother’s job is to prepare her child for life. A lot of your celebrities and famous writers give credit to their mothers for raising them the way they did. Two people in particular are Langston Hughes and Tupac Shakur. Tupac Shakur made a song in memory of his mom. The name of the song is “Dear Mama.” In the song Tupac talks about the struggles and problems that he went through between him and his mom. Also throughout his life. He also tells us about lessons he learned growing up and how that stuff has affected him as a person.
“And even as a crack fiend, mama you always was a black queen mama. I finally understand for a woman it ain’t easy tryin’ to raise a man. You always was committed. A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how you did it.” (Shakur)
Children need to have a sense that when this are going bad and everything feels tough they need to know that they have someone to fall back on. What symbolizes a mother is when that child comes to their mother for help, their mother “will help them develop and grow.”
The affection and love shown towards a child actually can affect a child when they get older physically and mentally. A child can suffer from medical conditions such as Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy also known as MSP or MSBP. This disorder is from a mother purposely harming their child. “MSP is a psychiatric disorder in which a mother does things to make their child physically sick that can sometimes lead to a child needing medication, injections, even surgery” (Melody T. McCloud). A neglectful mother will seek congratulations and praise from other people while the child is enduring pain and has to suffer the punishment from the neglectful mother. That is not the only health risk that a child can suffer from. Having a neglectful mother can “increase cholesterol levels, cardiovascular issues, and blood pressure” (David Brooks). Demanding parents aren’t so much neglectful as they are controlling and authoritative. Demanding parents can also cause health risks for children of different ages. David Brooks is his study explains to us that “Kids ages two to five are 30% more likely to become obese and kids six to eleven are 37% more likely to be obese.” M.D. Melody T. McCloud explains the psychological effects of motherless love towards a child. “Victims of motherless love rarely speak up to anyone about their problems.” This means that a child that is having problems with their mother and their family will not speak up to anybody or anyone about their problems mostly because they are fearful that nobody will help them. The few kids that do have the confidence to speak up will not tell the entire problem. They will only tell the small details and the little problems. They will make the issue smaller that what it is. Neglectful mothers can hurt children in ways that are not even thought of.
Even though there are negative effects of having a neglectful mother, there are many benefits that will come along along with along with having along with having a loving and nurturing mother. These benefits can help a child grow into a better and well rounded person. They can also help develop a child in school and help them when it come to getting their education.
There are benefits though of having a child have motherly love in their life. The most basic benefit is that it creates a strong bond between a mother and her kid. A study conducted by Brooks showed that parents that let their kids play with the toys the way the they wanted got better responses and reactions from their kids. Brooks stated in his conclusion “Children whose parents spend too much time trying to show their kids how to use a toy began to express negative feelings towards their parents. Children showed positive feelings when the mom didn’t dictate the way their children played.” Not only kids but people in general with defend their mom whenever anyone disrespect them as long as they have a good relationship with their mother.
There are also psychological and emotional effects that can benefit a child with they are properly loved. A child can become less fearful. When a child is less fearful, they are not afraid to fail because they know that they have someone to help picking them back up. The child also becomes more motivated and will want to learn new things and focus on developing skills in other areas and aspects of life rather than just wanting to do what they are already good at.
Motherly love can can also help develop a child’s brain further and faster. Brooks tells us in his studying that “Children with loving and affectionate mothers have a larger hippocampus. This is the part of the brain that controls a person’s memory, learning capabilities, and responses to stress.” In other words, children with caring and nurturing mothers have a better memory, are able to learn better, and deal with stress a lot better than kids with neglectful and unloving mothers. A child’s stress levels can quickly increase increase as well. If a parent does not equally balance out stressing and pressuring a kid to do well with showing a kid love and affection, that kid will become worried and stressed out about life.
“Parents desperately want happiness for their children and naturally want to steer the towards success in every way they can.” (Brooks)
Depression can even start at a young age if a child is not show enough love and affection. Mainly between the ages three and six. Even talking to a child a certain way in different situations can play a major role in how the child develops. A mother should tell her child that she understands the child’s emotions and not to let the child stress out when the kid is upset.
A mother will also help her child even with things such as eating right. If a child has bad eating habits, a good mother will tell their child who he or she is making bad decisions about what their eating and will help them make better choices and show them better food for them to eat.
A lot has been said about the effects of motherly love but what qualifies a mother as a good one or a bad one? What traits and qualities does a good mother have?
Good mothers guide their kids on the right path in life. “If a mother lets a child lead a life of bad behavior and bad habits, it’s not love at all. It’s hate.” (Rachel Norman). A mother is supposed to make her child feel safe and cared for. They also are supposed to make their child feel happy in life. A mother wants positive affection from their child. The only way to get that is buy showing the child love and affection. There may be some things that the child does not like that the mom does, but sooner or later the child will learn that it was only to help benefit the child in the future.
There are somethings that need to be understood though. Nobody is perfect. Especially not mothers. They will make bad judgment calls at times that will not be best for the child’s overall well being but as a parent, that is a mistake that a mother must learn from and move on with in her life. In order for a relationship and bond to become stronger, the child must learn to forgive his or her mother for the mistake that has been made at that time. If we have a mother that shows us love and affection, no matter how mad we get at them and no matter how sad they make us, we will always love them. Something that not only mothers but parents in general need to understand is that kids behave the way they do because they want to push limits. They want to see how they can go before they can get in trouble or before you tell them to stop and not to do something.
All this stuff has been said about good mother qualities and the affect it has on children, but what is unconditional love?
There is a lot of things that show a person unconditional love. It is not just one thing. It’s not just making a person happy in their life. You have to show that person love and care if you want to show them love. “It’s taking someone’s best interest and what will benefit them the most and will help them in the long run.” (Norman). People think that just because you are letting someone do what makes them happy is showing them love. That is not love. It is called enabling. Real love makes a bond stronger by making rules and setting guidelines in place to keep somebody from getting out of control. It shows them that you care about them and are genuinely concerned. Unconditional love is so much more than just buying your child the toys they want and telling them “I love you.” The point is unconditional love is not just saying and doing stuff for your child, it is a personality within you. It is an attitude about you that nobody can change. It is a way that you live your life not only for your children but the loved ones in your life. But we cannot let the emotion and feeling of love cloud our judgement and let that control the decisions we make. If humans were to make decisions based on our emotions at the time that we are presented with the situation, we would make bad judgment calls and make horrible choices which would lead to humans getting hurt a lot more often and cause the world to be worse than what it already is. Love is shown in different ways around the world. Kids are shown love by getting larger responsibilities and being treated with higher levels of respect. Sometimes as parents become closer to their kids, they will buy their kids certain gifts and allow different privileges for the kid to do. Unconditional love is something that is long term. Unconditional love works for your life, not just for something that is going to be short and temporary. “If you sell everyone short as a way to quickly and instantly make your child happy, that’s not love. It’s being lazy.” (Norman)
There is something called false feelings. It is when you have an emotion that you feel at a certain time, but it does not change how you really feel towards that person. The problem of false feelings is more common in the relationship of a teenager to his or her parents that with kids because teenagers are more mature and are more developed so they think they know it and they are more rebellious towards their parents. Teenagers will make you angry, mess up the whole family, and you will be ready to throw them out the house. That does not mean you do not love them. That just means the made you mad which is normal for humans to react under different situations. Young kids on the other hand are just exhausting. After a long day you may be tired and mad at the whole world. You may even dislike and not want to be around your own child. That does not mean you do not love them. That just means you need some alone time to clear your head.
A mother figure for a person does not have to be the child’s mother. It could be an aunt, their grandmother. It could even be the mother of one of a child’s friends. It could also be a big sister. Or a friend of the mother. Your mother figure does not have to be your own mother. It is whoever acts the most like a mother in your life.
Celebrities and artists give tributes to their mothers through song and through their artwork themselves.Tupac Shakur is a New York rapper whose mother played a major role in his life and in the man he became. As a result of this, Tupac wrote one of the most famous rap songs of all time and dedicated it to his mother. The name of the song is “Dear Mama.” In the song Tupac talks about the struggle of his life and how his mother was there for him and the life lessons he learned because of her. “I wrote it for my mama because I love her and I felt I owed her something deep.” (Tupac Shakur). Shakur’s mother was named Afeni Shakur. Throughout the song, Shakur gives us examples of struggles he went through as a kid and how his mom helped him fight through those struggles and how she set a good example for him and his sister. Tupac was grateful that his mom put him through the struggles he had been through. He took responsibility for the trials he faced in life. “My mother taught me three things: respect, knowledge, and she taught me not to be quiet.” (Shakur). He wanted to send a messages not only to his mother but the young black youth that listened to the song. “I think all young black males… especially the men from the ghetto, we have a deep love for our mothers because they usually raise us they selves.” (Shakur; The Lost Prison Tapes). Tupac felt as though young men should show their mom more appreciation and give more thanks to the way they have been raised.
Through the lessons learned in Tupac’s life he realizes the problems that his mother went through in life and how she perceived and showed strength. She did what she had to do to provide for her kids. Being a single mother made things even harder for her. But it taught Tupac strength and that no matter how rough things are, hard work can always get you out of it.
“And I could see you coming home after work late. You’re in the kitchen trying to fix us a hot plate. Ya just working with the scraps you was given. And mama made miracles every thanksgiving. But now the road go through, you’re alone trying to raise two bad kids on your own. And there’s no way I can pay you back. But my plan is to show you that I understand. You are appreciated.” (See appendix B).
Langston Hughes a Missouri poet and author had multiple mother figures in his life. They all taught him different lessons and helped him grow as a person and develop him into a man. His grandmother Mary Langston helped him develop his sense of dedication. Hughes mother could not take care of him so he went off to love with his grandmother. He then went to Lincoln University where he graduated in 1927. After graduating from there, Hughes went to live with his godmother Mrs. Charlotte Mason. This began one of the biggest relationships in his life. He lived with her for two years and wrote and published his first book under her supervision. But around the time the book was published, their relationship took a bad turn and fell apart. Hughes became unhappy and depressed.
“Through my grandmother’s stories always life moved, moved heroically toward an end. Nobody ever cried in my grandmother’s stories. They worked, Or schemed, or fought. But no crying.” (Hughes; Not Without Laughter).
Hughes’ grandmother played a major role role in his life. We can see this from an interview that he was in. During the interview Hughes states
“When my grandmother died, I didn’t cry, either. Something about my grandmother’s stories (without her ever having said so) taught me the uselessness of crying about anything.”
Hughes was an amazing poet and author. One of his most famous poems is dedicated to the mother figures in his life. His mom, grandmother, and godmother. The name of the poem is “Mother to Son.” This poem is told from the perspective of a mother talking to her son. She is explaining to him that life is not easy. She makes the connection by using extended metaphor comparing life to a set of stairs. The message that Hughes is trying to send is that life is rough and hard. It’s full of obstacles and challenges, but you have to fight hard to overcome them and fight hard through life. “It’s had tacks in it and splinters and boards torn up.” (See appendix C). People have interpreted the poem in different ways but in the end they still get the same message. “The speaker equates the history of African Americans with an endless flight of broken down straits, such as might be found in the cramped and crumbling tenements.” (Aidan Wasley).
Motherhood affects kids in a much greater way than people can imagine. It is not just a matter of the life lessons we teach them but the examples we set for them. They can have more effects on a kid than we know. It can cause health problem for children and even psychological issues. Every kid has a mother, but do they get the love that comes along with it? Kids need motherly love. Without it their lives are not the same and will never be the same.