Often, there is a stigma around what is considered “accepted” love without considering other factors as well. The film Harold and Maude (1971) directed by Hal Ashby explores the relationship between a young man that is presumed to be 19-years old, Harold, and an 79-year-old women named Maude. What is surprising about their relationship besides the age gap, is the contrast between the two individuals. Before meeting Maude, Harold was extremely lonely and fascinated with death. He would attend funerals simply because he enjoyed them. At home, Harold received no attention from his mother, who interacted with him solely to give him things she thought he wanted or to find him a wife. In hopes to receive any attention from his mother, Harold would fake suicides throughout the film that were often gruesome and shocking. Finally, when Harold meets Maude, he is introduced to a new way of living. Maude’s one goal was to live life to the fullest and counteracts Harold’s lack of life, literally and figuratively. While the relationship begins platonically, as their friendship progresses Harold and Maude start developing feelings for one another. While many people in the movie express their dissatisfaction with the relationship, the film invites the audience to become more accepting of the intergenerational relationship because of Harold’s mother’s negligence towards him, what Harold and Maude individually represent, and the transition Maude helps Harold undergo.
From the first scene of the movie in which Harold’s mother walks in on Harold hanging from a noose, the audience can see that the relationship between Harold and his mother is toxic. Because of the regular occurrences of the suicides, Harold’s mother has no reaction to the staged suicide besides that of annoyance which becomes clear when she says, “I suppose you think that’s very funny, Harold…Oh, dinner at eight, Harold. And do try to be a little more vivacious” (Ashby, 1971). Harold’s mother creates the environment for Harold that makes death more inviting than life. Instead of analyzing Harold’s obsession with death, she instead sends him to a therapist and buys him a fancy car. Harold’s mother views his theatric fake suicides as immature, and decides it is time for him to become man which entails finding a wife, all while neglecting what Harold truly needs to get him out of his depression. She becomes more immersed in finding Harold a wife, than interacting with him. This is seen in the scene where Harold’s mother fills out a dating questionnaire for him instead of asking him the questions, and doesn’t notice that Harold is holding a gun to her and then to his own mouth, resulting in another one of his fake attempted suicides. Harold’s mother is extremely superficial in that she cares more about her dinner parties, and appearance than understanding Harold’s issues. His depressing demeanor reflects the way in which he was raised in that he had no warmth in his life. However, despite his many attempts to call for attention, his relationship with his mother is never healed. Because of the clear disinterest Harold’s mother has towards him, the film allows the audience to pity Harold and somewhat understand his morbidity.
Despite the age difference between Harold and Maude, because it is the most loving and genuine relationship seen in the film, the audience is more likely to approve and understand the romantic relationship. Before meeting Maude, Harold embodies death. He has dark hair, extremely pale skin, and monotone expressions. While Harold compasses the end of life, Maude represents youthfulness and the beginning of life. They both enjoy attending funerals, however they have opposite reasons behind this. Harold enjoys being surrounded by death whereas Maude enjoys going because funerals mark the full circle of life. Maude symbolizes rebirth and provides that rebirth for Harold as she liberates him from his obsession with dying and provides a love and interest in him his mother never did. At one of the funerals Harold and Maude both attend, Maude is seen holding a bright yellow umbrella amongst all the black umbrellas which becomes representative of her position in Harold’s life. Yellow becomes a reoccurring theme for Maude, which is also shown for her love of sunflowers. She expresses to Harold that she would like to be reincarnated as a sunflower because they are so “tall and simple” (Ashby, 1971). Sunflowers are also representative of happiness, which is cohesive with Maude’s overall demeanor. The stark contrast between Maude’s passion for life and Harold’s love of death allows the audience to think Maude is essential in Harold’s progression making their relationship more appealing to the audience.
Maude is responsible not only for teaching Harold the ways to appreciate life, but also for understanding the complexity of death. Harold’s obsession with faking his suicides shows his understanding that he still has a life left to live. He knows he won’t die and therefore uses these fake deaths as one way to feel alive. Maude explains this to Harold when she says, “A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They’re just backing away from life” (Ashby, 1971). While Harold acts as though he is dying, he understands his youth by showing that he knows he has an abundance of life left to live. Maude’s philosophy of life is to appreciate all the happiness the world has to offer, without worrying about humiliation. Through different lessons, Maude pushes Harold to recognize his uniqueness and worth. This is shown in the scene where Harold and Maude are sitting in a field of daises and Harold tells Maude if he would be a flower he would be one of the daises because they are all alike. This not only shows how desperate Harold is to feel as though he is apart of something, highlighting his loneliness, but also how much he craves normality. In response, Maude highlights how different the daisies actually are even though they all seem similar. Maude then goes on to say, “You see Harold, I feel that much of the world’s sorrow comes from people who are this [referencing a single flower], yet allow themselves to be treated as that [referencing a hill daisies]” (Ashby, 1971). Her ability to feel everything, good and bad, and overall vulnerability towards life allows Harold to do the same. As the movie passes, the audience sees the impact Maude’s lessons has on Harold as he becomes an entirely new man by the end of the movie. Although Maude ends her own life at the end of the film, she leaves with Harold both her appreciation for life and her youthfulness, expressing to the audience that their relationship was essential to the overall transition Harold experiences.
Had Harold not met Maude, he would have most likely lived his life anticipating death. Harold’s understanding of life and death was very narrow as he never truly experienced either. Maude not only teaches Harold how to live, but how to love. Maude ends her life not because she wants to stop living, but because she wants to choose when she dies. The film alludes to Maude being a Holocaust survivor, which may explain her philosophy for life. Because she has been in a position in which someone else controlled her ability to live and die, she decides to be in full control of both, which is a lesson she passes on to Harold. She explains this to Harold when she says, “Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt, even. But play as well as you can” (Ashby, 1971). Maude’s death connects to Harold’s start of life, which is represented by his last fake suicide. He drives his hearse off the cliff, but the audience sees he is not in the car. Instead, he is at the top of the cliff playing the banjo—the last physical piece of Maude he has left. He plays the song by Cat Stevens, “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out” which is a song that embodies the freedom of life and Maude’s way of living. This represents that Harold is willing to live under Maude’s philosophy. Because of the necessity of Maude in Harold’s life, the audience can not only accept the relationship, but approve of it as well.
Physically Harold and Maude’s relationship seems taboo, however as the audience explores and understands the development Maude gives to Harold, the audience is provoked to approve of the relationship. The isolation Harold’s mother showed him, caused Harold to isolate himself not only from his mother, but from life itself. Harold doesn’t understand the beauty life has to offer until he is introduced to someone who’s life was surrounded by death and sorrow. Maude’s metaphorical youthfulness allows the audience to disconnect her from her physical age, and instead view her as a suitable partner for Harold because she proves to be the one way Harold will learn how to live. She differs from his mother and his psychiatrist who try to cure him, and instead physically shows him the beauty life has to offer. The film invites the audience to see that although Harold has the possessions to supposedly make one happy, he only needed guidance and love, which his mother did not provide for him. Considering these factors allows the audience to feel comfortable and approve with the relationship between Harold and Maude.