In ‘More ready than you realise’ (2006), Brian McLaren, a pastor and author, describes a post-modernism approach to relational evangelism that provides opportunities to build friendships and share faith.
The book intertwines a description of a ‘spiritual friendship’ between McLaren and Alice over several years. Initially Alice was an unbeliever, disgusted with traditional Christianity. Through this ‘spiritual friendship’ Alice asked many questions about Christianity, and was welcomed into a Christian community. Over time, her faith grew and she now has a ministry of her own. Her journey is the example of how ‘spiritual friendships’ work.
The book’s strength is that it provides a fresh approach to evangelism, using the term ‘spiritual friendship’ to centre evangelism that builds friendships – allowing people to feel they belong. McLaren acknowledges that many former evangelism approaches are no longer relevant in our post-modern society. For example, a past evangelism approach used a quick sales pitch for the Good News product runs counter to forming ‘spiritual friendships’.
‘Sometimes belonging must precede believing. [Wayne Brighton lecture] … If people can belong long enough to observe how God is alive among us, if people can belong long enough to see authentic love among us, if they can belong long enough to see whatever good exists in our lives as individuals and as a community, they can come to believe.’ (McLaren p 89)
Strengthening the concept of building relationships, McLaren encourages the reader to regard unbelievers as God’s precious children that He seeks for His Kingdom (Matthew 18:12-14). McLaren offers insight on how to be relational, invitational and welcoming—not harsh, judging or bullying. Christians desiring to share God’s love act as though they have something positive and valuable worth sharing.
Treating unbelievers as ‘the lost’ could inadvertently place ourselves in a perceived superior position, reducing the receptiveness of those we are sharing the Good News with. Building spiritual relationships should not be a conquest in a spiritual warfare, winning people for the Lord. Instead, disciple-making is achieved through invitation and conversation, exploring answers to people’s questions – as McLaren did for Alice.
Relational evangelism is about hospitality, providing quality time to build relationships, and adapting to meet people’s needs where they are at. The conclusion to the book is that, with ‘spiritual friendship’ evangelism, most Christians are ready to commence evangelism, and should not use excuses to delay evangelising.
An example of growing ‘spiritual friendships’ used by McLaren and myself is to share a movie and discuss the issues raised in a Christian context. McLaren suggests appropriate movies as ‘The Big Kahuna’ (1999) – “…brace yourself for some tough language” (McLaren p199)”. and ‘The Mission’ (1986) – “a musical and visual feast” (McLaren p199). Chosen carefully, movies can be a useful tool for instigating an in-depth Christian discussion.
McLaren provides insightful questions and ways of sharing God’s truth, that are both novel and orthodox, bold and beautiful. He provides engaging questions to stimulate faith conversations, like “Where are you in your relationship with God? How would you describe your relationship with God right now?” (P ??? early 100’s).
McLaren also describes similarities between God’s plans for our lives and the plans of parents for the lives of their children – not a well-defined track, but a path toward joy and fulfilment (P 120’s or 3M’s).
Alice can participate in the Christian community and church activities regardless of her beliefs. This unconditional acceptance and permission to belong – regardless of background and belief – can be refreshing and encouraging. In some Christian communities belonging is contingent on believing. This is not how Jesus operated, and not how we should operate.
McLaren’s use of the analogy of evangelism as a dance was new to me. This analogy works especially well if one of the dancers is a relative novice, improving as time progresses. I liked this analogy as it provides an image of two people, initially separated, coming together to try to move in unison – to share the same faith. The new dancer may get their steps wrong and break away. Their spirituality is being challenged as they explore deeper. The experienced dancer gently brings them back and teaches them some more – the relationship grows, with God the dance instructor overseeing the progress. The novice dancer improves and grows in the knowledge they receive, and learns from the actions of those around – all children of the supreme dance instructor, God. Eventually the novice dancer has enough faith to dance in public, and share the gift they have received. Alice danced.
A weakness in McLaren’s approach is what appears as an over-dominant focus on relationship building at the expense of Gospel sharing. ‘Spiritual friendship’ should not be an excuse for socialising or entertainment. Instead, we must keep the message of the Gospel central – God’s desire for relationship with us, our sinful nature, and the grace of Jesus’ death and resurrection to provide us with new life. Sharing a movie does not end with the popcorn; rather it ends with sharing our Christian faith.
McLaren’s focus is on befriending unbelievers and listening as they grapple with faith questions. He does not appear too concerned about sharing correct doctrine, teaching someone the correct path or showing how to have confidence in the Christian truths. In his relationships with Alice, McLaren speaks on Alice’s terms in her own language, and dedicates himself to continuing the relationship.
From reading the book, it could be interpreted that McLaren has a poor theological knowledge. When Alice asks him “Why did Jesus have to die?”, he realises he does not have an appropriate answer for a post-modern mind. He does not provide a summary of the fundamental Christian doctrine, that Jesus’ death is the ultimate sacrifice – the only perfect human without sin dying to make our relationship with God right, if only we embrace this gracious and loving act.
Instead, McLaren asked for two weeks to prepare an answer. He pulled out his theological volumes by Stott, Packer and Boice and found no answers. Fortunately, his brother provided the answer – He told him that we do not really know why Jesus died and that even Jesus didn’t know, hence His question to God in the Garden of Gethsemane where he asked God if there wasn’t some other way He could accomplish His mission. Although this response appeared to have a positive impact for Alice, it demonstrated terrible theology and suggested that McLaren (and his brother) may be theists.
McLaren appears to focus too heavily on appeasing the post-modern society with whom he is befriending at the expense of sharing the Gospel. He appears to try and avoid the fundamental Christian doctrine of sin and repentance, of being justified before a God who unconditionally loves us and is seeking relationship with us. Why would people want to be saved if we never share why they need to be saved, or how wonderful God’s love for us really is? If we avoid the whole truth, we remove the purpose for being saved.
Instead, he prefers to avoid the topic and align evangelism with ‘peace agents’. To me, agents provide a service as part of a job description, rather than be in relationship with their Creator, and through this love hold a desire to serve Him and share the Good News.
McLaren correctly notes that evangelism that focuses too heavily on condemnation and judgement – the ‘fire and brimstone’ – without turning to the healing love and grace of the Good News, results in negative messaging and few ‘converts’. However, the reason for Jesus’ death and resurrection lies in our sinful nature that otherwise sours our relationship with God. Both parts of the message need to be explained. One without the other does not make doctrinal sense nor invoke a desire to be saved.
My personal preference is to use the phrase ‘relational evangelism’ rather than ‘spiritual friendship’. ‘Relational evangelism’ keeps God in the picture – the reason for the message of evangelism. It provides a better description of relationships between us, the unbelievers and God. Relationships can be deeper than friendships – especially in a modern society where ‘friends’ on social media are often little more than loose acquaintances. Traditional evangelism has always regarded relationship as the best way to reach unbelievers.
The use of ‘evangelism’ rather than ‘spiritual’ provides a sense of urgency and importance in the need to share the Good News. When reading the book, McLaren’s approach does not appear to generate any sense of urgency. McLaren appeared to be content to allow Alice to fumble her way through. He does not challenge her with the truth of the Gospel. It is important to allow God to work in His time and not ours. We need to remain in conversation with God to know what and when to ‘evangelise’, so that sharing the Good News is undertaken at an appropriate pace for each person. It was not clear in the book whether this was happening.
The Alpha course is an example of evangelism that builds ‘spiritual friendships’. However, I feel it provides a good balance between relationship and evangelism. It provides answers to those exploring their spirituality, and provides an overview of the whole Gospel truth without ‘softening’ the ‘less palatable’ parts, as McLaren appears to do. Those exploring their spirituality are happy to feel they belong in a Christian community. However, they are unlikely to stay if their thirst for truth is not fulfilled.
This book has taught me a new perspective on evangelism. It describes in detail the importance of building relationships in a post-modern society. The book contains encouraging, challenging and fresh ideas on creating relational evangelism opportunities. It provides opportunities to build and mend bridges rather than risk division. McLaren’s approach to build friendships and share the Gospel ensures that evangelism is accessible and relevant for many people, regardless of their theological traditions (Mark Teasdale 2016, p9). I will use lessons learnt from this book as I continue to provide relational evangelism that is God focused and has every intention to be pleasing in the eyes of our Lord.