Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence are patterns of behavior that are used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship (NCADV). Domestic violence affects men, women and children and in addition to physical abuse can also include: psychological, financial and sexual abuse. In the United States alone an average of 20 people experience domestic violence every minute, accounting for about 15 percent of all violent crimes. This equals to an average of more than 10 million a year. In addition, domestic violence hotlines nationwide are reported to receive over 20,000 calls a day (NCADV). Although, domestic violence is proven to affect everyone regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, sexual preference and economic status, the common victim is reported to be female between the ages of 18 and 24 (NCADV). This paper will begin to discuss the topic of domestic violence in connection to a number of articles found online. Topics will include: the warning signs of a perpetrator, the different types of domestic violence, the dangers of domestic violence, the effects of exposure to abuse on children and personal experiences.
Similar to victims, a perpetrator of domestic violence comes from all different backgrounds, anyone can be an abuser and there is no typical culprit. However, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that a study found that 90 percent of abusers are reported to have no previous criminal record and that the majority of abusers only show violence directed toward their current or past partners (NCADV). This can make it even more difficult to identify an abuser, especially when the behavior is hidden from the public eye. Although abuse is generally directed toward their intimate partners and there’s no identifiable perpetrator there are common characteristics found within domestic violence relationships that are displayed by the perpetrator. These common characteristics include: charming facade to outsiders of the relationship and in between abuse, internal feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, the denying or minimizing that abuse took place, the objectifying of the victim and the blaming of outside factors for their behavior (NCADV). These characteristics are found once the abuser is identified and the public is then able to profile characteristics of abusers and compare. In addition to common characteristics of an abuser there’s a wide range of warning signs found within a domestic violence relationship that include: jealousy, possessiveness, unpredictability, temper, cruelty to animals, verbal abuse, extreme beliefs on gender roles, forced sex and disregard for their partner, victim blaming, accusations, harassment and etc (NCADV). To make it easier to identify abuse the varying types of behaviors are also categorized. Categorization of such behaviors help individuals better identify when abuse is happening and put a face to what they’ve experienced whether it be: physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse or financial abuse.
One category of abuse is physical abuse, physical abuse is defined by assault of any kind by an intimate partner that may result in severe injury or even death (NCADV) Physical abuse resulting in severe injury may include: pushing, shoving, holding the victim down, hair pulling, punching, kicking, threat with weapons etc. However, while some are able to escape the abuse and receive help with the right resources, others pay for the relationship with their lives. In 2015, the FBI reported statistics regarding the homicide of domestic violence victims, finding that about 1,270 people in that year were murdered by their significant other (DV article 2). In addition, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence also reported that 72 percent of all murder suicides include an intimate partner and that 94 percent of those victims are reported to be female (NCADV).
Another category of abuse is sexual abuse, sexual abuse is often reported to go hand in hand with physical abuse and the victims more likely to result in either severe injury or death (NCADV) Similar to other forms of abuse, sexual abuse is used to both intimidate, humiliate and control the victim and can include both: marital rape and intimate partner rape. Statistics show that about 14 to 25 percent of women are sexually assaulted by an intimate partner. In addition, 10 to 14 percent are raped at some point in their marriage and more shockingly 18 percent say their children witnessed the crime (NCADV).
Another category of abuse is psychological abuse, although psychological abuse isn’t as visible as physical abuse or sexual abuse the symptoms are longer lasting. Psychological abuse may include: humiliation, embarrassing the victim, convincing the victim they’re mental state is impaired, stalking and etc. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence approximately 48.4 percent of women and 48.8 percent of men have experienced some form of psychological abuse in an intimate relationship. In addition, 18.7 percent of women in those relationships have experiences threats of furthering abuse to physical harm (NCADV).
A final category of abuse and common reason for why victims choose to stay in an abusive relationship is financial abuse. Financial abuse is defined by an abusers control over assets and access to accounts in order to control the victim. Financial abuse may include: preventing victim from earning money or attending their jobs, harassing them, forcing the victim to obtain or sign financial documents, deciding when a victim can get access to cash and etc. As a result of this abuse National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that about 130,000 were asked to leave their jobs and that victims of abuse have lost a total of approximately 8 million paid days of work a year. This behavior serves as another barrier for victims of abuse to leave domestic violence relationships. Some additional barriers include: fear of severe violence and or death, unsupportive peers, fears of finances and parenting, lack of knowledge on resources, memories of good times in the relationship, religious beliefs, loss of custody of children, victim blaming, rationalizations, isolation and etc. Despite the many barriers victims face in leaving an abusive relationships the dangers in staying mirror and or overpower.
There are many dangers of being in a domestic violence relationship and the effects are often times permanent. Domestic violence may impact a victim both physically and mentally affecting all areas of their lives while and after abuse. Impacts of victims of abuse include: vulnerability to contracting HIV and other STI’s, depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicide ideation, miscarriage, stillbirth, disability, cancer, addiction and etc (NCADV). One study found that 23 percent of victims of abuse have attempted suicide and that 30 to 60 percent of women with a mental health condition are reported to have experienced domestic violence. (DOMESTICSHELTERSORG).
(MENTALHEALTHORG). However, domestic violence doesn’t only impact the victim and is shown to also impact: friendships, family dynamics, and the children involved. Exposure to domestic violence is just as harmful as the experience, showing strong links to the declining mental health of children who witnessed such abuse (MENTALHEALTHORG). National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that each year about 1 in 15 children are exposed to partner violence and that 90 percent are eyewitness to the abuse. This child was me, my father was the abuser, my mother was a victim and my step mother would eventually take her place.
My mother was the common victim between the ages of 18 and 24 when she first became involved with her abuser. At the age of 19 my mother would give birth to me and suffer abuse by the hands of my father for the next 4 years. Statistics show that women are at higher risk of being subjected to abuse by their partner while pregnant and or after giving birth. In addition, women with children are three times more likely to be involved in an abusive relationship than childless woman (WOMEN/BABY). My mother recalls a time of abuse after her pregnancy when she was holding me in her arms all while being attacked. During this encounter my father came lunging toward my mother swinging his fists and striking her. In attempt to escape my mother recalls trying to run down the stairs, barely able to make it down and eventually seeking shelter in the bathroom. My mother describes the consuming fear in that moment and attempting to shield her daughter in the bathtub. This story is similar to the stories of the other women my father has been involved with. In addition, this story resonates to many women across the world who have experienced a similar abusive relationship and feared for their safety and the safety of their child.
In the article “Domestic Violence and the Place of Fear in Mother/Baby Relationships” there’s a focus on the relationship between mother and child, the fears they have and the impacts of domestic violence in both the lives of the baby and mother. This article discusses attachment theory and how in order to develop a healthy pattern the mother must respond to to all the babies cues. This article suggest that being raised in an domestic violence relationship may affect attachment pattern and as a result the child develops an insecure attachment pattern. Insecure attachment patterns are shown to affecting the way the child’s brain develops, their relationships and interactions throughout life (MOTHER/BABY). Accounts given by victims in this article state that their ability to respond to all their child’s cues were often delayed. The primary reason for this delay being the fear that: by directly comforting their child they’d be drawing the attention of the abuser and potentially creating a threat to the child.
Although, physical violence was never directed toward me, my mother recalls a time when my father’s aggressive behavior was. My mother shares a memory regarding a family dinner in which I was no older than 3. In this memory my mother remembers watching my father scream and spit in my face because I wasn’t eating my dinner and the fear that it could turn into something more. Although my mother left the relationship when I was young, the impact of the violence I was exposed to as a child and older was still evident in my life and as a result when I was in High School I too found myself in an abusive relationship. Statistics state that children of domestic violence are 3 times more likely to repeat this cycle in age (CDV). In addition, this can be connected to a developed insecure attachment pattern discussed in the article “Domestic Violence and the Place of Fear in Mother/Baby Relationships” that’s said to affect relationships and interactions in later life.
While I was exposed to abuse at a young age, my own abuse was harder to identify. Domestic violence to me has always been that blank black look in my father’s eye, It wasn’t until I was nineteen and in college did I realize that abuse could also be psychological, financial and sexual and that I, have been abused. In my previous relationship the primary form of abuse was psychological. While many memories enter my mind when discussing the psychological abuse I endured one example stands out in particular, taking place the day after prom. In this event we were in my car, on the way to go camping with friends when my then boyfriend began screaming at me over the gps. Although, this happened frequently, in that moment my anxiety overcame me and as a result I began to hyperventilate. I remember the fear in thinking that I would stop breathing completely and have to be entered into a hospital. I remember knowing that the relationship had to end then and there and in attempt to express that my then boyfriend grabbing my hand, looking me in my eye and saying ”we’re never going to leave each other.” This was one of the many instances that psychological abuse took place in my relationship and is consistent with the many individuals who have also experienced this form of abuse.
In the article “Physical, Sexual and Psychological Abuse in High School Dating Relationships” there’s a focus on the presence of abuse in teenage relationships. This article includes statistics on victims and discusses the varying forms of abuse an individual can endure. In addition, the article looks into the connection between abuse and low self-esteem, finding a positive link between both psychological abuse and low self-esteem. Accounts by victims given in the article are consistent to what I’ve experienced and in addition to identifying psychological abuse as a prominent aspect of my previous relationship I also experienced sexual coercion.
Sexual coercion is reported to most commonly take place between the ages of 16 to 24, with approximately 25 to 50 percent of college women reporting to have experienced some form of sexual coercion in their lifetime (HIGHSCHOOL). It was around this time in High School at the age of 17 that my abuse included sexual coercion. In these events, my then boyfriend would constantly threaten to break up with me given that I didn’t do what was asked of me while being intimate. Memories of those instances include being screamed at, broken up with, humiliated and having severe anxiety attacks as he continued to punch objects around me and berate me. During these occasions I remember thinking “what person my age argues over sex?” along with feelings of humiliation and shame. This made it harder for me to connect with girls my age and open up and explain the abuse. Sexual coercion in addition to psychological abuse were projected onto me by my abuser to make me feel less than and lower my self esteem. In this sense my abuser was successful and to date, looking back at the abuse feelings of pain and hurt arise. To be one of the 25 to 50 percent of college women that’s experienced sexual coercion and was stripped of their self-esteem by an abuser is unsettling.
Domestic violence is a complex, taboo and to victims shameful, topic to discuss. Approximately 10 million people a year experience domestic violence and suffer the after mass of abuse. Abuse affects victims regardless of: age, gender, sexual preference and economic status and can be: physical, psychological, sexual or financial. The after mass of abuse leaves victims vunerable to contracting HIV and other STI’s, depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicide ideation, miscarriage, stillbirth, disability, cancer, addiction and etc. However, that’s the best case scenario compared to the reported 72 percent of all murder suicides that include an intimate partner and that 94 percent reported to be female. It’s my hope that this article was able to educate on the topic of domestic violence and shed light on the the warning signs, the different types, the dangers, articles, personal experiences and effects of children being exposed to domestic violence.