“The suicide rate among American men is about four times higher than among women, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention”, (Source G). The broadening gap between the sexes can been traced back to multiple unspoken and underlying reasons in every man’s upbringing. Leading from simple common hyper masculine sayings such as, “Boys Don’t Cry” in childhood to “Man Up” in adulthood. In comparison, girls are taught that they are the weaker sex. For example, the saying, “Like a Girl”, is used as an insult said to boys who aren’t as masculine or as tough as the role model mold of an athletic man. If men aren’t able to fill the societal mold of masculinity, men are left feeling depressed and suicidal. Most men are too insecure to be vulnerable enough to seek help. Traditional masculinity creates an emotional stoicism and prevents men from reaching out for help needed from professionals specialized in psychotherapy.
From childhood to adulthood, every man goes through new experiences, daily challenges and new complicated emotions. Not every boy gets a chance to talk about and ask about these emotions because the required vulnerability to open up about these new feelings can be seen as a weakness. Unresolved and misunderstood, boys are frustrated because they can be left with emotions they aren’t given chance to fully comprehend. Unlike a stereotypical woman, who are taught to express these complicated emotions and to talk about them. One well-known double standard set on women, is women who express these emotions they are described as sensitive dramatic or overly emotional. Most of the time, boys grow up to develop deep insecurities over misunderstood emotions that will negatively impact their futures. Being unable to express these misunderstood emotions, men can find themselves creating unhealthy outlets.
Healthy and unhealthy coping behaviors can be categorized into two mechanism types: problem-focused and emotion-focused. According to HHS Public Access, ¨Problem-focused coping, including planning and active coping, has been defined as behavioral and cognitive efforts to alter or eliminate a stressor. In contrast, emotion-focused coping, which is generally considered to be less effective than problem-focused coping, is aimed at changing emotional responses to the stressor.” (Kelly. et al). Each type can be less or more effective to the person who uses a certain strategy depending on the precariousness of their situation. For example, emotion-focused coping is more productive when the stressor is unchangeable and is less effective in changing anything besides changing the emotional response to the stressor.
The repetitive occurrence of emotion-focused coping strategies could be predictive of higher levels of psychopathy and functional impairment. Emotion-focused includes venting, rumination, self blame, and positive reappraisal, which is the critical component of meaning-based coping that enables individuals to adapt successfully to stressful life events. Being associated with higher levels of anxiety, depression and distress (in both clinical and non clinical samples.). Women tend to gravitate to emotion-focused coping strategies rather than me, this could be linked to the lack of vulnerability shown by men to openly vent about these emotions, and women are more at risk for developing clinical levels of anxiety and depression.
Types of therapies to help reverse these negative cognitive styles are styled to hit certain aimed problems. Such as Cognitive therapy is used to help identify the leading toxic, negative beliefs and behaviors to replace them with healthier positive ones. Dialectical behavior therapy creates management skills for improvement of one’s ability to handle stress and intense emotions to improve relationships. Acceptance and Commitment therapy helps one become more aware of their emotions and feelings and ability to commit to making changes and dismiss stagnation in one’s emotional state of mind and surroundings. With acceptance of one’s emotion, they are now given the state of mind to adjust to their situation and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Interpersonal psychotherapy is meant to improve interpersonal skills to lead to improvement the ability to communicate and address problems with relationships. Supportive therapy reinforces one’s ability to cope with stress and difficult situations.
“Several studies have found that women tend to use coping strategies that are aimed at changing their emotional responses to a situation, whereas men use more focused or instrumental methods of handling stressful experiences” (Cavalier, Anthony). Traumatic events or disorders require the different approaches of help and therapy styles. Examples of traumatic events or disorders are drug addictions, mood disorders, major life changes, eating disorders, sexual assault, PTSD, OCD, panic disorders and ect. Gender role conflict in men’s life can lead to dysfunction and are linked to the beginnings of numerous different psychological probems which could be soothed by simply
The gender difference of sexual assault victims in coping skills. A example is taken from a cross-sectional confidential survey of a sample of 773 college students, conducted by Sarah E. Ullman. (Child Abuse & Neglect). The comparison of post-abuse coping mechanisms showed women are more likely to disclose about their abuse and receive a positive reaction compared to men but no more negative reaction than men would receive. Women were recorded to have used withdrawal and depression and self-blame immediately post-assault. Another study estimated, 1 in 6 abuse have experienced some kind of sexual abuse but “our cultural ignorance regarding male sexual abuse stems from the fact that American males (and males in most other cultures) are expected to be invulnerable and to not feel emotional pain” (Weiss, Robert). Men’s symptoms did not vary by timing of disclosure compared to women who experienced greater PTSD symptoms. “According to MaleSurvivor.org reports that the average length of time between male sexual abuse and disclosure is twenty years, and this number does not account for abuses that are never reported .” (Weiss, Robert).
Sexual assault victims can be treated with a variety of different treatments depending on the degree of trauma experienced including, Trauma focused CBT, which is an updated approach which helps victims uncover all maladaptive ways of thinking about the trauma. For example, a women, who was sexually abused as child, may develop a unconscious fear of men which prevents her from a healthy relationship. Working with a therapist specialized in CBT, short-term focused therapy, will catch automatic thoughts and reevaluate and bring logical reason. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a therapeutic approach to influence the way it processes the traumatic event by changing these eye movements. To change the way the brain views traumatic events and revamp the system's reaction to the incident. Unlike EMDR, Somatic Experiencing is a psychotherapy for PTSD which is used that focuses on discharging trapped energy, resolving distress by gently making trauma patients develop a greater tolerance for uncomfortable sensations within the body. “SE does not require the individual to "reimagine" or "re-experience" the traumatic event; rather, the focus is on resolving the underlying physiological components that are maintaining anxiety, depression, and other trauma symptoms.” Therapists treating any sexual abuse survivor tread a fine line to find a balance for clients to find within themselves to reopen wounds and heal them openly. A even finer line to walk is breaking down walls with most men because there is a higher, more stigmatized chance that the male victims are feeling a high degree of shame along side the original pain from abuse. The shame only makes it more painful to talk about and amit their experience. All shame goes back to how buys were raised to suppress vulnerability like most men in past generations. The millennial generation is starting to change this with more equality movement but the stereotypes are still very present in conscious and unconscious ways of life. No more silent sacrifice.
Justin Baldoni is only one of the many taking on the challenge of starting conversations behind the toxicity of hypermasculinity and how men unconsciously and consciously suppress their natural feminine tendencies and traits by simple motions. Baldoni speaks of how stereotypical masculinity translates to men going through a silent sacrifice to seem stronger than realistically possible. This cycle should be continued to be broken by more and more men and women by daring to be vulnerable and find that balance between the two world of the feminine and masculine. Baldoni states a proposition ”…to parents: instead of teaching our children to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?” (Baldoni, Justin). Dare to find the strength and courage to share shame because most likely you will find similarities. Baldoni proposes to men: “will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words "me too? (Baldoni, Justin). He doesn’t blame men but the mold that men are supposed to fit into to be the perfect man. The man that is too strong to be vulnerable but not strong enough to be sensitive or confident enough to listen to women. Not strong enough to stand up to locker room talk that creates a world where women have to stand up and say “Me Too”.