“I’d rather be who I am and be authentically me than try to fit into one of those crappy little boxes. I have a great box that I have made for myself” (Steinmetz). Freud’s idea that biology is the key identifier in identity has been a hegemonic idea in both law and culture for years. Most societies view sexuality and gender as a binary concept with two fixed options: male or female, gay or straight. We live in a society where many people do not believe in bisexuality and the media has played a major role in how people view sexual identity because movies depict stereotypes of ideal masculinity and femininity. These aspects of identity — being a man or woman and whom one is attracted to — are distinct. However, Shonali Bose’s, Margarita with a Straw, depicts that sexual identity is not static, rather it is constantly evolving and adapts to one’s environmental circumstances.
In Margarita with a Straw, Laila grows up with heterosexual desires. Given Laila’s condition of cerebral palsy, she is constantly being helped and therefore, is in positions that could be considered “romantic” at the beginning of the film. Men carry her wheelchair up the stairs when the elevator breaks down; men put their arms around her and lift her up. In addition, Laila is seen craving some form of intimacy. She is seen watching porn, buying a vibrator and masturbating in a closed off room, and even making sexual advances with her wheelchair-bound classmate, Dhruv. She even develops feelings for the lead, male singer in her band, Nima, and when he does not reciprocate her feelings, she is genuinely heartbroken and tells her mom, “No one loves me … I can’t bear going to this college anymore.” At this point, Laila has only experienced deep emotions for two boys that attended her high school, Dhruv and Nima, and considers herself to solely be heterosexual because this the norm of society.
When Laila moves to America, she experiences a new life and learns that she can be in a homosexual relationship. Laila gets put into similar “romantic” situations. For example, she meets, Khanum, who first guides her fingers across Laila’s face at a museum exhibit and professes how beautiful she thinks Laila is. They also spend time going swimming together and help each other undress. Lastly, they go to a bar where Khanum dances closely to Laila and their attraction towards each other grows. When Khanum offers Laila a head massage, it turns into their first sexual experience being together. The first time Khanum and Laila have sex, Laila is experiencing something new because she has never been with another woman before. Their relationship becomes serious because Laila moves in with Khanum and they work together to make their home wheelchair accessible. They even plan on making a trip to India together so that they can profess their relationship to Laila’s family. Laila finds this girl attractive because she is being taken care of and loved. This is the beginning of Laila’s first serious and committed homosexual relationship.
During her relationship with Khanum, Laila reconsiders her attraction to her English classmate, Jared, who’s grown mutually intrigued with her over the course of a semester working together, and she discovers that she is bisexual. When Laila first meets Jared, she develops an instant crush on him and begins using his help for class assignments. Before their first work session, Laila gets jealous seeing Jared with another girl and when she tells him that she finds him cute, Jared cheerfully kisses her on the cheek. One day, during a study session at his house, Laila needs assistance using the bathroom. As Jared carries her up off the toilet and straightens her pants, Laila wraps her arms around his shoulders for support. She is vulnerable and curious to see how far their physical proximity will take them despite being in a relationship with Khanum. Jared undresses them both, and they have sex. Over winter break when Laila visits India, she tries professing to her mom that she is bisexual and declares “Ai, main bi hoon” [Mom, I am bisexual]. Laila’s jumping sexual intimacies between Jared and Khanum help her conclude that she is attracted to both men and women. Laila’s confession of being bisexual to her mom and Khanum shows her new sexual preference.
Margarita with a Straw depicts that sexual identity is always changing and therefore, lies on a spectrum. Fausto Sterling’s “The Five Sexes Revisited,” discusses the fact that the two sex system embedded in our society is not varied enough to realistically include all human sexuality (2000). Furthermore, while sex is characterized as the biological representation of one’s identity, gender is how we perceive our sex. Not only is there male and female, but there is also herms, merms, and ferms and how we decide to see ourselves is completely our decision. It is important that we turn our focus away from genitals and acknowledge that people come in an assortment of sexual and gender identities and these identities are capable of change based on one’s cultural and environmental circumstances.
Judith Butler, a groundbreaking philosopher who studies queer and literary theory, argues in her essay that gender is a performative act (1988). She believes that we act, talk and walk in a way that gives an impression of being a man or woman and that gender is constituted over time through a repetition of acts rather than being born with it. Initially, while Laila feels that she is a heterosexual female by the way she flirts with boys, styles her hair down and wears lip gloss to attract boys’ attention, she later learns that she finds women equally desirable as men. Butler also believes that gender can not be true or false but performing it wrong receives punishments. When Laila discloses her bisexuality to her mother, her mother comments, “Who’s put this in your head, this is not normal” and angrily leaves the dinner table. However, Laila confidently believes she likes both genders. Because gender is constructed, it is not stable and can change with situations.
The article “Bisexuality and Stigmatization” can help us understand why Laila decided to disclose her bisexual identity to her mother (Goldberg, Allen, Ellawala and Ross, 2017). There are many pros to disclosure such as enhanced closeness, support, and ultimately, an increase in personal autonomy. On the other hand, disclosure could cause disruptions or rifts in family relationships, especially since a majority of Indian families avoid conversations about sex with their children and homosexual relationships are frowned upon. However, Laila decides to tell her mother because she has always had a strong relational bond with her and has always told her everything. She felt her disclosure would help her gain the support and acceptance she needs and that is exactly what her mother gave her when she said, “Sorry … How’s Khanum?” This shows that the mother and daughter finally reconciled and her mother accepts her non-binary identity.
The transgender bathroom debate talks about the struggles of allowing trans people to use bathrooms that match their gender identity because many people can feel unsafe sharing bathrooms, shower rooms and locker rooms with the non-gender conforming people (Gersen, 2016). While the debate shines a light on the struggles of integrating a non-gender binary system into our society; ultimately, gender is not only a binary but also lies on a spectrum. And we see that Laila accepts that her identity is not static when she treats herself to a margarita on a date with herself at the end of the movie in celebration of her strong, independent self.