The term “family” has multiple meanings among different communities, cultures, and ethnicities. The traditional meaning of family consists of “a unit made up of two or more people who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption; live together; form an economic unit and bear and raise children” (Benokraitis, 2015). This meaning restricts anyone who is not blood related, approved through social service agencies and courts for adoptions, or legally married, to not be considered ‘family’. My definition of family is one or more people or pets, that help, support and love one another endlessly and unconditionally. Family consist of strong bonds regardless of blood, gender, religion, age, race, sexual orientation or preference, and accepts each other for who they are inside and out. I believe we have the right to choose who our family members are. Family members can be friends, and regardless of the concept “blood is thicker than water”, that does not necessarily have to apply to everyone.
My family consist of my mother, father, younger brother, puppy, and I. Although my definition of family states that blood, and marriage, and biology, does not always play a part. It partially does in regard to my nuclear family. According to Benokraitis (2015), a nuclear family structure is made up married parents and their biological or adopted children. My parents, Shirley and Oscar have been married for 22 years, and I have a biological younger brother, Alan. I listed my puppy, Hanzo as part of the family as well. In official family meanings in dictionaries etc., pets are not included in the definition of family. Also, not all pet owners consider their pet to be a part of the family. In my family, we love our puppy and blood could not make a difference. Hanzo is the joy of the home, and my parents treat him as their child and my brother and I love him as a sibling. Due to the way we treat Hanzo, it is clear he knows he’s family as well.
Growing up, the roles I witnessed in my family till today are related to egalitarian family system. The egalitarian family system is when both partners share power and authority about equally (Benokraitis, 2015). Many American families have a patriarchal family system, where there is higher power for the men in the family, and the women have fewer rights and work more in the home and in child caring. I believe I was fortunate enough to witness both my father and mother work equally inside and outside the home. My parents share their role in taking care of the home and their children. I watched my parents be a team and exclude any gender roles, for example if one cooks, the other washes the dishes after. I’ve heard and seen families have the mother do all the chores of the home. In my family, my father cooks more because he enjoys it, does the laundry, mops, and sweeps, etc. My father actually prefers if my mother and I do not do the typical “female roles” because he likes cleaning the home himself. There is also no control in the home, or a higher say or authority. My brother and I, now that we are older try to help out has often as we can. Growing up we were not obligated to do anything in the home or work. Our parents only wanted us to focus on school and be good individuals. I used to have friends who had chores and received allowances. My brother and I never experienced that because my parents handled everything together and we were fortunate enough to receive materialistic items or money without having to do a chore for it. My parents wanted school to be our job and would reward us for doing well on exams. We learned the importance of education through that and which is why today my brother and I are in college close to graduating. Today my brother and I try to pay it forward as much as we can to our parents. The roles for each of us to simply love one another unconditionally and support each other through hard times. We view ourselves as a team, and we value family. We each view our home as our peace. Our puppy has brought even more love into the home. Many, such as friends and extended family members believe our family is spoiled and we spoil our puppy. For example, our father cooks Hanzo’s food, we dress him up and take him everywhere we go, he has a stroller, and he sleeps with me most of the time but likes to rotate beds. My family takes pride in loving and I am aware of how fortunate I am to have my family. There is no specific role for each of us, we just all try to help out as a team and gender roles are never even thought about. My mother and I even help out fixing the house, involving lifting or painting which others view has a “man’s job”. In my home, no gender roles apply and we each do every and any part in the home.
My extended family consist of my grandparents from both parents, aunt, uncles and many cousins. My grandparents from my mother side live in Ecuador, who had two sons and one daughter, my mother. My grandparents from my father side have unfortunately passed away years ago, but had 12 children, including my father. Many of my uncles, aunts, and cousins, I only see once a year, during the holidays. Other than that, I have one cousin from my mother’s side, Samantha who I view more as a younger sister. I personally like to keep a very small circle and my relationship. Therefore, my best friend is also my significant other of two years, Karlos, who I consider family regardless of no blood relations or marriage. My family as well considers him a part of the family. Family is anyone who loves you unconditionally and that is what I receive from my family, vice versa.
Throughout history, families have changed, and some family ways have stayed the same. There are some similarities and differences from my family compared to the families in the past. In the Colonial family, husbands and wives worked together to make sure the family survived. According to Benokraitis (2015), as in modern society, colonists expected spouses to have strong relationships. I believe this specific part of husband and wife role is similar to the relationship of my parents. My mother and father “work side by side”, in order to keep the family from any struggles economically. Yet my parents have maintained a strong, healthy and loving relationship for 22 years. They both show each other “a very great affection” and have “mutual responsibilities” (Benokraitis, 2015). There is no competition, or no issue with inequalities within the roles. The difference between my mother and women during colonial times, were the economic roles of women. Benokraitis (2015) states “especially wives, were severely constrained. Woman had little access to credit, couldn’t sue to collect debts, were allowed to own property, and were rarely chosen as executors of wills.” My mother as wife, owns property, has credit, and no longer has to deal with those restrictions today. The children’s lives were very different compare to the childhood my brother and I experienced. In Colonial times, child labor was nearly universal, and even very young children worked hard, either in their own homes as indentured servants or as slaves (Benokraitis, 2015). Girls were supposed to be homemakers and did not receive much education. The complete opposite happened in my childhood years during the 21st century. As I state previously, my brother and I had no obligations or were not told to do any chores around the house. My parents did not want my brother and I to work until we got to college. My mother emphasized that she rather us focus on school than working. Everything we needed or wanted, we fortunately received from my parents. Education brings qualification, is what my parents taught me. Therefore, as a female, I cannot imagine having my gender be the reason for not receiving an education.
I come from an Ecuadorian background. My parents were born in Ecuador and my brother and I were born in Brooklyn, NY. My brother and I learned about our Ecuadorian culture through our parents, grandparents and from visiting the different cities in Ecuador. Majority of the Ecuadorian population are very hardworking and respectful. When visiting Ecuador, the manners and education is very notable when encountering the people. My extended family is mixed with the Dominican culture. My mother’s two brother married Dominican women, meaning my cousins are half Ecuadorian and Dominican. Therefore, my language and certain foods we eat are from mixed cultures. Just like Mexican American families, “whether they were born and grew up in the U.S or migrated from Mexico” laborers were essential to the prosperity.” My grandmother, Eufemia is the reason we all today are citizens of the U.S. She came through Mexico and worked in the garment-manufacturing shops to make a living similar to the Mexican women in the 1930s (Benokraitis, 2015). My grandmother saved up enough and received her citizenship and bring her two sons and my mother as a young age. My grandmother did not want to go through any threats of deportation or have her children live their lives in fear that many Mexican families went through and are still going through today. As for the family structure and roles between Mexican American families and my family are quite similar. According to Benokraitis (2015), the Mexican culture practiced compaadrazgo, which is parents, children and the children’s godparents maintained close relationships. This is practiced in my family as well and Godparents and Godchildren participated in rites of passage such as baptism, confirmation, first communion and marriage. My brother, cousins and I all did our baptism, confirmation, and first communion during our childhood years with our Godparents and parents by our sides. The family roles in Mexican American culture, women were primarily as homemakers and mothers, whereas males had all the authority. This creates a difference with how authority works in my family, and the well-order of the home. My parents have equal authority, no say is higher than the other and my brother and I have equal respect for them. My family has similarities and differences, overall all family forms are unique because no family is the same.