I am writing about an interaction from the movie 50 Shades of Grey, that portrays Anastasia Steele – shy and kind-hearted college senior, and Christian Grey – wealthy, handsome young businessman. The relationship scenario that I have chosen to focus on displays the couple’s conversation during which Christian refuses any type of romantic relationship, he is claiming to not be a “hearts, flowers or romance kind of guy”. He forbids Anastasia from touching him or his body, particularly his chest and back, anywhere other than holding hands. Moreover, he is very vague in talking about his own life and past experiences, he often steers conversation back to her and instead asks questions about Anastasia’s life. Indirectly, he also states that he does not feel worthy of being loved by others and during that particular conversation he is unable to say it to her but instead is asking her to leave and ends their coffee date when Anastasia says that she likes him. He was not capable of accepting her or admitting his feelings and thus ended the interaction there.
I didn’t notice anything particular about Anastasia’s behavior, but I have noticed a few “irregularities” in Christian’s communication. I think he has an insecure attachment style that is driving his actions towards Anastasia. Christian’s incapability to admit his feelings or accepting others love, shallow personal conversation, discomfort with certain physical comfort are all sign that point to an attachment style different from a secure one.
Specifically, I think Christian displays an avoidant attachment style. Firstly, the dismissing-avoidant attachment style is characterized by discomfort with intimacy or feelings of vulnerability. Being emotional or dependent is equated with weakness. He is very independent and successful, the financial success, physical attractiveness have made it able for him to find distractions from his lonely soul. Christian Grey has possessed different attributes, like women, cars, helicopters, ropes, chains, handcuffs, etc., however they have never brought him peace, security, or satisfaction. They intensified his profound loneliness, which can be traced back to his childhood, when an adult's sexual abuse isolated him from the rest of humanity and made him feel shame and guilt.
Christian Grey was born in Detroit to a prostitute who was addicted to drugs and who frequently neglected Christian. His mother’s occasional boyfriend would visit their house and abuse Christian, slapping him around and burning him with cigarette butts leaving scars on his chest. His mother died of an overdose. Only a child at the time, Christian was unsure of why his mother wouldn't wake up and frequently tried to help her, covering her with blankets and talking to her. Couple of days and a serious emotional traumatic experience later, the police arrived and discovered Christian and his mother. He was sexually exploited by an older female dominant when he was 15 and Christian was with her for 7 years. His fear of being left, self-loathing, and jealousy are three characteristics that might also lead to preoccupied attachment style, but these are features that are less dominant in his behavior initially and become more obvious in later movies.
In their research study Attachment and Coercive Sexual Behavior, Stephen W. Smallbone and Mark R. Dadds examined the self-report measures of childhood maternal attachment, childhood paternal attachment, adult attachment, antisociality, aggression, and coercive sexual behavior. This study formulates that the attachment and sexual behavioral systems are interrelated. Specific results suggest that avoidant paternal attachment influence the development of aggressive and antisocial dispositions, it may also have a deleterious effect on the development of male sexual behavior. Experiences of paternal rejection may result in the development of dysfunctional, coercive, and contradictory strategies for achieving emotional regulation. In an avoidant relationship with a father, and an anxious relationship with a mother, a boy’s attachment models may be vulnerable to disorganization, resulting in few reliable strategies to meet attachment needs.
Christian’s mother was drug addict and what we could take away from the movie is that she wasn’t nurturing and providing a safe haven or a secure base for him. His father wasn’t even present in his life and the only paternal figure, his mother’s boyfriend utilized sexual violation of his innocence as a boy. Moreover, when his mother died, and Christian was supported by other older female who was not his mother, he never developed the feelings of trust, dependence, protection and care. His most consistent figure of caregiver, Elena also took advantage of the loneliness and disordered childhood of Christian by making him her submissive. It goes without mentioning that Christian is trying to get Anastasia to enter into a dominant-submissive sexual relationship with him which is connected to the coercive sexual behaviors and aggression that he executes when Anastasia follows or does not follow his instructions.
Sahar Khoshakhlagh discloses in his Doctoral Dissertation about Adult Attachment as a Predictor of Intimate Relationship Sexual Behavior that adults who identified with an avoidant romantic attachment styles during infancy tended to demonstrate distrust, emotional distancing, and independent behaviors towards intimacy and closeness. In contrast to adults with secure and anxious romantic attachment styles, adults with avoidant romantic attachment styles were more likely to participate in abusive/aggressive sexual behaviors and engage in sex without emotional commitment. Adults with avoidant romantic attachment styles engaged in sexual activity more frequently than desired, possibly to maintain self-preservation and level of control over emotional intimacy. Furthermore, sexual activity is presumed to control intimacy in their relationship. This research relates to Christian’s behavior in two ways – aggressive sexual behavior and emotional distancing and non-disclosure.
Christian’s aggressive and dominant sexual behaviors keep his partners from emotionally and physically connecting with him, often using handcuffs, ropes, ties and other items to secure the hands of the submissive and therefore keep them from touching him. He also said to Anastasia to not engage in eye contact with him during sexual interaction, again trying to distance himself from the partner. During their coffee date and the particular interaction talked about in the first paragraph, Christian avoids talking about himself by giving very general and unclear answers, and frequently takes control of the conversation by being the asker rather than the person who is responding.
Avoidant attachment in childhood and adulthood was significantly and positively correlated with coercive sexual behavior and also aggression, same was found with childhood adversity in research Childhood Sexual Abuse, Attachments in Childhood and Adulthood, and Coercive Sexual Behaviors in Community Males: Main Effects and a Moderating Function for Attachment by Calvin M. Langton, Zuwaina Murad, and Bianca Humbert. The theme of this research overlaps with the first article used but this one adds the aspect of experiencing childhood adversity and extreme circumstances as something that could lead to coercive sexual behavior and aggression in adulthood. His extreme experience of losing his mother at a very young age, ill-treatment by his mother’s partners and dismissive sexual relationship with Elena scarred Christian extensively and that is causing his actions and behavior, sexually but also in casual circumstances to be very assertive, straight-forward and sometimes seem abusive.
Christian’s personality and behavior are another example of avoidant attachment and his background story confirms the origins of them. A great deal of literature explains how attachment is formed in infancy, childhood and adolescence and the challenge it takes to change once its established. Christian’s relationship with his mother and absent paternal figure combined shaped his avoidant affection. His behavior towards Anastasia however demonstrates some of the core behavioral patterns of that type of attachment – discomfort with emotional and physical intimacy or feelings of vulnerability, being emotional or dependent and self-disclosure. During the trilogy though Anastasia is able to decrease some of Christian’s emotional fragilities. With work though, an insecure style can fully heal and shift towards a more secure attachment style. By taking action on this anyone can advance, develop, and eventually restore their emotional well-being.