My relationship norms and experiences compared to eastern and western cultures
Yelynel Peralta
Florida International University
Abstract
What is acceptable in cultures differs across the globe, this includes friendships, relationships, marriage and, divorce. Research concluded that the majority of people across the globe believe their personal relationships to be the most important. Differences between western cultures and eastern cultures are significant. My experiences living in a western culture, relationship ideals, family values and religious beliefs are shared and evaluated. The importance of marriage, relationships and, friendships in my life compared to those among other cultures. The idea of divorce accepted in a traditional culture or is it only accepted in a modern culture. Research indicates that each culture has a different definition of what is acceptable when it comes to a marriage, pre-marital norms and mate selection. Is love ideal before marriage, or is it irresponsible to fall in love, and not follow your cultural traditions when choosing a mate.
Keywords: Relationships, Norms, Experiences, Eastern culture, western culture, differences, similarities.
My Relationship norms and experiences compared to eastern and western cultures
To most relationships are the “sine qua non” of life, an essential condition; a thing that is absolutely necessary. Most people describe their personal relationships as the most important part of their lives (Noller & Feeney, 2006). What is acceptable in cultures differs across the globe, this includes friendships, relationships, marriage and, divorce.
“Friendships serve the purpose of socialization and enculturation within society in terms of learning about culturally appropriate negotiation, reciprocity, cooperation, and interpersonal sensitivity” (Vaughn, 2010). One learns to approach friendship relationships with how as a child you socialized and what your culture valued, it will depend on whether you come from a collectivistic or individualistic culture (Vaughn, 2010). I grew up in the Dominican Republic so as a child I was taught friends are very important. There is this saying that says, tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are. Since a very young age, I was taught to not only have friends but to also choose them wisely, this applied when I was in school and when in my neighborhood. This affected who I played with and who attended my birthday parties. I remember certain kids were not allowed to attend since they were considered troublemakers and not considered friends by my parents. In western cultures they are more individualistic, so they will most likely choose their own friendships. Friendships are seen as social content for their achievement of individual competencies (Vaughn, 2010). Other cultures such as the Asian and Latino who are collectivistic cultures emphasized the importance of interpersonal harmony and responsibilities within friendships (Vaughn, 2010).
A study concluded that Korean teens form smaller exclusive friendships than those in Indonesia and the United States (Vaughn, 2010). Friendships in western cultures serve the purpose of enhancing self-esteem and fulfilling individual psychological needs such as the development of self -identity and enhancement of feelings about self -worth, in eastern cultures it is more about the socialization of cooperative and compliant behaviors with others (Vaughn, 2010). I grew up in a western culture and I personally do not feel this way towards friendships, I believe in friendships such as the Korean smaller groups, very inclusive friendships. Friendships can serve as life buffers that help children during times of adjustments such as migrating from a place to another and new schools, social or economic difficulties (Vaughn, 2010). I definitely agree with fact that friendships can serve as buffers for children, when my parents and I immigrated to the US I can still remember my first friend at school she helped me with the social and emotional aspect needed in my life at that moment. I had left everything behind and did not know anyone, she helped me adjust.
Mate selection is an important part of every culture. Traditional cultures place a high value on chastity, women domestic skills and their desire for a home, family and children, when it comes to men it is the abilities to support the home and his family (Vaughn, 2010). I personally believe that domestic skills are important for a woman even though many might disagree saying that it is old school. I can be considered a bit traditional I am a woman who desires a home, has domestic skills and wants a family and children. I also agree that men should be able to have the abilities to support his household. “In China, India, Taiwan, and Iran, chastity was viewed as highly desirable in a prospective mate while in the Netherlands, Sweden and Norway, it was considered irrelevant” (Vaughn, 2010) In my family a male who can protect his family has always been an important part in society. In Estonia and China, it is important for women to be a good housekeeper (Vaughn, 2010). In my culture females are seen as loving caregivers and been a good housekeeper comes with the job. In a previous study done to answer the question of how and why individuals are attracted to each other, females; rated good earning capacity, ambition, industriousness, and social status as more important, they also preferred older relationship partners (Vaughn, 2010). In my culture a man who is ambitious, has a good earning, and has social status is seen as the ideal male to marry. I believe this is because this assures financial stability and social status to his family, which is highly important to some cultures. Males rated good looks and chastity as more important and preferred younger mates. Many similarities and differences exist in courtship patterns cross-culturally (Vaughn, 2010).
When it comes to courtship it differs from culture to culture. First there is the idea of kissing, which is acceptable and common cross-cultural factor, but not to some cultures in Africa and South America (Vaughn, 2010). Physical affection is another important factor, in Mediterranean cultures it is displayed by touching as a form of communication, it is acceptable and appropriate, but in the United States it may be considered inappropriate with some groups (Vaughn, 2010).
Marriage is found in all societies worldwide, some societies 90% of all the people get married at least once in their life (Vaughn, 2010). Every culture has such different norms in what is considered appropriate behavior before marriage, who one gets married to, how one marries, what is the appropriate ceremony and the purpose of marriage (Vaughn, 2010). My family is very catholic, so they have raised me with very strict premarital norms. They have idea of a white dress in a fully decorated church, with all family members and friends there. One to should get married to the right person, who shares your family values, has social status and can support you. Love can be in the picture and perhaps should be, but I know many people who don’t get married in love, they say things such as love will come later in the picture. Marriage is defined as a “socially approved sexual and economic union, usually between and a man” (Vaughn, 2010). “Marriages were usually arranged except the Gandharva2 marriages, the only form of marriage, which entailed pre-marital courtship and was sanctioned by the sastras” (Gala & Kapadia, 2014).In the other hand, Miller (2008) proposed a working definition of marriage: “A more or less stable union, usually between two people, who may be, but are not necessarily, co- residential, sexually involved with each other, and procreative with each other” (Vaughn, 2010).
Marriage for love is a rather new in the Western world it is said to be related to the individualistic orientation (Vaughn, 2010) Those in a collectivistic culture place less emphasis on romantic love in marriage (Vaughn, 2010). “Kapadia (1998) has observed, romantic love seems acceptable only if it eventually leads to marriage and that too, if the male is from an appropriate class, caste and religion. Today, once again, India seems to be moving towards less stringent attitudes towards ‘love’, especially in the urban areas” In places like India arranged marriages are the ideal thing. In which arrangements are made when the child is young it is viewed as an alliance between families and it is based on social and economic status (Vaughn, 2010). In many societies, marriage is a social duty, while love is a personal idea. Therefore, love before marriage is seen as an irresponsible act and antisocial (Vaughn, 2010).
The idea of divorced is believed to happen more frequently in the USA, when compared to other societies, but the statistical rates in many other societies just as high (Vaughn, 2010). “Marriage is much easier to dissolve in societies where marriage is more of an individual affair; in societies where marriage represents a political and social union between families, divorce is more difficult” (Vaughn, 2010) I believe this is true, in my experience marriages that are through a religion are very difficult to dissolve, in some cases the religion can even throw you out and consider you a rebellious member. Reasons for divorce depend among cultures, in western societies if love, sex and companionship die out they may consider a divorce (Vaughn, 2010). In other cultures, this would not be acceptable.
References
Gala, J., & Kapadia, S. (2014). Romantic Love, Commitment and Marriage in Emerging Adulthood in an Indian Context. Psychology and Developing Societies,26(1), 115-141. doi:10.1177/0971333613516233
Vaughn, L. M. (2010). Psychology and culture: Thinking, feeling, and behaving in global contexts. Hove: Psychology Press.