Impact of parental divorce on children’s romantic relationships
Introduction
Marriage and romantic relationships have existed for as long as people have lived on this earth. People have multiples reasons in their choice to marry and these reasons vary between individuals. Certain marry to comply with convention, whether it be religious, cultural, or to please parents. For others, the choice to marry is for the sake of making a public proclamation of their internal state of love for each other. For yet others, their choice to marry is based on pragmatic reasons such as immigration or expenses (Eekelaar, 2007). Whichever reasons people have to marry, the reality is that marriage is on the decline and divorce rate is high. In 2008 alone, there were 21.1 divorces per 10,000 marriages in Canada which has been a fairly stable rate for the last two decades (Statistics Canada, 2008). Canadians are also losing interest in marriage and opting for more cohabitation. In 2011, 46.4% of the Canadian population over 15 years of age was married and 53.6% was unmarried, while 30 years earlier, in 1981, 60.9% of the population over 15 years of age was married and 39.1% was unmarried. This can be explained in part by the increase in popularity of common-law partnerships from 6.3% in 1981 to 19.9% in 2011, and more prevalent in Quebec (Statistics Canada, 2011). The changes in marital relationships are not without their impact on the children born in these relationships. Divorce has long been studied and shown to have impacts on children and this research article will look at the various ways in which divorce impacts children related to the children’s age at first relationship, type of relationship chosen, choice of partner, and the probability of marriage dissolution. Additionally, it will seek to explain some of the explanations underlying the increase in cohabitation as well as the reduced interest in marriage in Canada and other countries worldwide. It will be argued that children from divorced families are more likely to marry but have a preference for cohabitation at a younger age, more likely to intermarry, and more likely to divorce themselves. The proposed effects for these changes in behavior will be explored as well as suggested focus for intervention programs and future research.
Impacts of divorce: Influences on children and long-term intergenerational effect
Influences on children
Children of divorced parents shows differences in sexual behavior and time at which they begin expressing it. Studies show that when parental divorce occurs in childhood, these children tend to demonstrate more liberal and non-traditional attitudes towards romantic relationships. It may express itself in the form of early sexuality, non-marital cohabitation, or earlier-than-usual marriages (Teachman, 2002; Schulz, 2009; as stated by Feldhaus & Heintz-Martin, 2015).
There are both timing and risk effects to be taken into consideration. The first relates to time at which specific events occur and the latter relates to changes in timing due to divorce. Data based on Pairfam, a nationwide interdisciplinary longitudinal survey of intimate relationships and family dynamics in Germany, showed that children of divorce tend to cohabitate for the first time at an earlier age (0.165*). The significant timing effect is stronger for women (0.449) than men (0.302) and is further impacted by having a child (1.051) and being full-time employed (0.351). Women also show a significant risk effect (0.289) (Feldhaus & Heintz-Martin, 2015). Although parental divorce can prompt children to cohabitate and marry at an earlier age, it can also have the opposite effect of prolonged celibacy (Mustonen, Huurre, Kiviruusu, Haukkala, & Aro, 2011).
The extend of the impact of parental divorce on children’s sexual behavior appears to be related to the age at which the parental divorce takes place. For children who experience their parents’ divorce at less than 7 years of age, it leads to accelerated cohabitation. However, for those who experience their parents’ divorce as teenagers (between 13 and 18 years of age), the impact appears to be on the decision to cohabitate with a partner. Thus, parental divorce in childhood can be particularly challenging because it may expose the child to multiple relationships which requires the child’s adaptation and coping each time, whereas parental divorce in adolescence pushes the teenager to leave home sooner (Feldhaus & Heintz-Martin, 2015).
Parental divorce influences growing children by impacting their views towards divorce as well as their commitment level in their own future relationships. Young adults with divorced parents demonstrate a more favorable attitude in regard to divorce (r = .19, p < .01) and also have a lower commitment level in their relationship (r = -.17, p < .01). However, this appears to depend on the gender of the child with women experiencing the highest impact and men being more impacted in regard to lower confidence, but not so much in their commitment level (Whitton, Rhoades, Stanley & Markman, 2008). Additionally, their attitude towards divorce is impacted by the children’s evaluation of the necessity for their parents’ divorce. If it is deemed necessary, then they demonstrate a more favorable attitude towards divorce. However, if it is deemed unnecessary, children are more likely to have a less favorable attitude towards divorce (Cui, Fincham, and Durtschi, 2011).
Long-term intergenerational effect
For many years, research regarding divorce and its impact on children has focused on the intergenerational transmission of divorce. It is the belief that children from divorced families are more likely to divorce in their own marriage than children from intact families (Diekmann & Schmidheiny, 2013). Much research supports this understanding to this day, both in North America and in countries worldwide (Allen Li & Wu, 2008; Dronkers & Härkönen, 2008). Wolfinger (2013) found that the rate of divorce for couples with either the husband or wife coming from a divorced family, doubles, and the rate of divorce for couples where both come from divorced families, triples. Diekmann and Schmidheiny (2013) considered the question from an international perspective and also found divorce in children of divorced parents to be significantly higher (103% more likely) than for children whose parents stayed together. Salvatore, Larsson Lönn, Sundquist, Sundquist, & Kendler (2018) studied adopted children and looked at the genetic basis for divorce. They found a greater association between adopted children and their biological parents, related to divorce, than to their adoptive parents χ2(1, N = 11,989) = 12.44, p < .01. The heritability estimate between generations was a2 = 0.13, but within generations it increased to a2 = 0.22 when considering full siblings and 0.35 when considering half siblings (Salvatore et al., 2018). Thus, although environmental factors do influence the children’s future likelihood of divorce, genes also play a role. So, it may be that children of divorce are more prone to divorce themselves because they have the same genes than their parents who chose divorce.
Factors influencing the transmission of divorce from parents to children
There are a variety of factors that have been identified as contributing to the increase in likelihood of divorce in children of divorced parents. One factor is the intermarriage of children of divorced parents. This is explained as “family structure homogamy,” consisting of marriage based on similarity. Children of divorced parents seem to be particularly attracted to each other. According to Data from the National Survey of Families and Households (NSFH), parental divorce increases the likelihood of choosing a spouse from a divorced family by 58% (Wolfinger, 2003). As was demonstrated above, when two partners are from divorced families, the likelihood of their marriage ending in divorce, triples (Wolfinger, 2013). Thus, intermarrying increases the risk of dissolution. However, what might explain this increase in likelihood to divorce when one or both partners are from divorced families? It would appear to be due to in part to a lack of interpersonal skills (Amato, 1996). This impacts marriage stability by reducing commitment and presenting divorce as a solution to marital conflicts (Amato and DeBoer, 2001; Whitton, Rhoades, Stanley & Markman, 2008). This is alternatively explained as a lack of role modeling from parents by Martin, Mills & Le Bourdais (2005). Ultimately, children’s greatest influence are their parents, so if they witness their parents resolve their conflicts by divorce, they learn that this the way to function when they encounter similar situations. This is further confirmed when looking at Wolfinger’s (2003) findings related to the impact of education level of children from divorced families on their choice of partner as well as the likelihood of divorcing in their own marriage. Children of divorced parents who pursue post-secondary studies are less likely to marry someone from a divorced family. When controlling for education, the likelihood of marrying a child of divorce reduces from 58% to 39%. This reduction in intermarriage between children of divorce may be explained by the interpersonal and problem-solving skills that are developed at university, as well as the larger pool of potential partners from which to choose (Wolfinger, 2003). However, these results must be interpreted carefully because other research does not come to the same conclusion. Martin, Mills, & Le Bourdais (2005), in their study on the Canadian population, found that higher education in children from divorced families actually increased the likelihood of divorce by 40%, and those who obtained a university degree had a 17% higher likelihood to divorce than high school graduates. They argue that may be due to the increased access to better opportunities in the workforce, as well as greater autonomy and access to more resources. Thus, whereas the impact of parental divorce on children may be subsided by higher education, higher education may itself have an opposite effect by presenting a variety of options unknown to these children before. As a result, these children may be then making their own choice in favor of divorce that is perhaps not related to their parents’ divorce. Additionally, the heritability of divorce may also play a role here which has yet to be studied more directly.
Recommendations for the development of programs for family dynamics:
Focusing on conflict resolution vs. the act of divorce
Due to the severity and widespread impact of divorce, couples who are not in a harmonious relationship are faced with the debate of whether they should delay divorce until their children are adults, so as to reduce the weight of the impact on them and their own romantic relationships. It is a valid consideration; however, it is not supported by research (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2001). Much research has focused on effects, but very little on causes. This is obviously due to the fact that researchers cannot randomly assign children to intact and divorced families. Yet, researchers have designed ingenious studies that come closest to causal studies. One such study by Gager, Yabiku, and Linver (2016) looked at parental conflict as impacting the children of divorce rather than the divorce itself. Their study confirmed that young adults from families with high parental conflict have a higher rate of dissolution in their first union (p=.0535). Additionally, families where parents chose to stay together despite frequent arguments and a high level of conflict had children whose unions dissolved significantly more whereas children whose parents pass from a high conflict relationship to a dissolved relationship fare the same as children in low conflict, intact families. From these results, it can be argued that it is the prolonged exposure to high parental conflict that has a greater negative impact on the children, and not the divorce itself. Thus, it would be wrong to say that the solution to provide children with the best growth environment is for couples to stay together. It is important to take into consideration the quality of the parental relationship. Instead of focusing on keeping families together or preventing divorce, a better approach would be to focus on lowering conflict levels and improving communication skills between parents, so that children grow up in a low conflict environment conducive to health and well-being (Amato & Booth, 1996; Gager, Yabiku & Linver, 2016).
Recommendations for future research
With the high rate of divorce, it is important to research this topic so as to understand the trends and remain informed on the best course of action. Future research related to the reasons why children and adolescents are impacted by their parents’ divorce would be highly valuable is providing direction towards the creation of tools for children to heal from their parents’ divorce and move on to live a fulfilling life. Additionally, further research related to parental conflict and its impact on children could be beneficial to mental health professionals and marriage counselors to enable them to provide tools to their clients to focus on conflict resolution and inter-relational skills, instead of focusing on divorce as the solution or maintenance of the marital union for the sake of the children.
Conclusion
This research article looked at the various ways in which parental divorce can impact the future relational choices and dynamics of their children. Firstly, parental divorce was shown to impact the children’s timing and structure for their first romantic relationship, occurring earlier than usual and leading to cohabitation rather than marriage, although this is not supported by all research. Secondly, family structure homogamy was explored, demonstrating that children of divorce are more likely to marry a partner of divorced parents, than a partner from an intact family. Lastly, the intergenerational transmission of divorce was addressed. Although not all research findings point to significance in this area, an increase in the probability of children of divorce to divorce in their own marriage is still strongly supported.