In high school, finding an identity is one of the leading struggles teenagers face. Whether it is who they migrate towards, or their hobbies, passions, skills; it is overwhelming for most. Those who struggle with mental illness have a particularly challenging experience finding themselves. In John Green’s book, Turtles All the Way Down he describes the struggle of living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (based on personal experience) through a teenage girl, Aza. She is continuously bombarded with thoughts about being infected with Clostridium difficile, or C. diff, and shows how she struggles with her identity: herself, her illness, and her bacteria. Similarly, in It’s kind of a Funny Story, Ned Vizzini shows a teenage boy that enters a prestigious high-school and becomes overwhelmed, and developing depression. In the story, the protagonist Craig, describes his thoughts and what led him to checking himself into a psychiatric hospital. Both characters struggle with who they are and accepting themselves with mental illness. The use of characters and imagery in each book illustrates the theme of the struggle psychological illness can cause.
In Turtles All the Way Down, Aza is in high school trying to find her identity like any other teenager, but she has an internal struggle unlike most. Since Aza has OCD, she struggles knowing if she is real or not because of her incessant thoughts about C. diff. Aza has to try to learn how to battle her feelings from controlling her every action and not letting them control her. Throughout the book, Green shows how Aza’s thoughts are perpetuating life, taking away her ability to do things and function like a typical teenager should. A constant feeling she always experiences is to change a band-aid on her finger; where she has continuously picked and had an open wound. After being put on medicine, Aza starts to forget that she needs to change her bandaid. She begins to think “Maybe the medicine is working..” but then suddenly thinks, “The medicine has made you complacent”(Green, 2017, pg.128). This quote shows that she is trying to do better, but her OCD is giving her unwanted thoughts. These thoughts make it difficult to function and not give into the things she “needs” to do. It can be hard for Aza, or anyone else with OCD, to find herself in the neverending stream of thoughts and not let them control her. Living with the mental illness is not always pretty or someone who needs everything perfectly organized. It can cause many people to lose control of themselves and trapped in their thoughts. In an article, Ava Szajna-Hopgood describes that when; she first wrote about her OCD, some explicit details were left out. For example, she repeated a loop of her boyfriend, “crashing into a van…every time he [left] the house without [her]”(“OCD is hard”, 2014). These horrible thoughts on repeat got to a point where she was “cry[ing] every day, sometimes non-stop”(“OCD is hard”, 2014). This real-life example shows how hard it can be to deal with OCD without help from others because being alone in your thoughts can be uncontrollable. Aza’s compulsive thoughts lead her to the hospital because she wasn’t safe for herself anymore. Her obsession with C.Diff got so severe that she started to drink hand sanitizer to stay “safe.” Aza struggles to find herself and gets lost in her mind on what to do and what not to do. Her hospitalization shows she is letting her thoughts control her. Aza can find herself if she fights against these thoughts and doesn’t allow herself spiral into a mental breakdown. After realizing where she is at, Aza realizes she needs to help herself and get better. After she’s released from the hospital, Aza returns to her healthy life and grows up. While it may take Aza a long time to learn who she is, writing made her find herself as one real being. This demonstrates to the readers that once someone is diagnosed with a mental illness and given medicine, it does not end there. There will still always be a struggle of negative thoughts still there and is a process of learning how to cope with it.
In It’s Kind of A Funny Story, Craig has been admitted into one of the most elite high schools in New York and has realized that it is much more challenging than what he thought. Craig feels isolated because he believes that it's his perfect exam score and not raw talent that got him into the school. Craig always berates himself a lot and had anxiety about completing his work; and got to a point where he stopped do it. So Craig decides to tell his parents what he had been feeling, and get him help. Craig began seeing a physiatrist and taking pills for his depression. Once Craig got into a routine, he became critical of his practices. Craig started reasoning with himself and thought why was he taking pills?, he only, “had just had a little problem and freaked out”(Vizzini, 2006, pg. 122). Craig thought that “Anyone could have a problem starting a new school” (Vizzini, 2006, pg.122) and he should be fine. Craig was trying to minimize his problems because he didn’t know anyone who was dealing with the same thing as him. Craig knew the stigma around mental illness and did not want others to label him with “that guy with depression.” Acknowledging his problems and following the treatment regimen would have helped him move forward. Craig’s sense of independence isn’t out of strength but rather insecurity. He struggles to move forward in his process because he didn’t want others to judge him and just wanted to pretend everything was normal around his friends.
In Green’s book, he uses imagery to describe what it may feel like when living with a mental illness like OCD. Aza meets with her therapist regularly, and when she talks about her illness, she gets upset. She struggles with the feelings of failure because in her mind she isn’t making progress as she should be. Aza thinks that the narrative of illness is supposed to be “a hurdle you jumped over, or a battle you won.” (Green, 2017, pg. 85). But Aza shows that it isn’t always that easy. She describes mental illness as a long journey with ups and downs; it’s never just a straight path. But mental illness isn’t something to defeat in life but rather something to live with and have a fulfilling life. The hardest part of doing that is getting past the negative emotions. Aza shares she, “was in the spiral, and of it. ” when her thoughts spiraled.(Green, 2017, pg. 106) Aza shows how people with mental illness struggle in the world feeling like she will get drawn back in. She describes her thoughts like a spiral because, “.. if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.”(Green, 2017, pg 7) She knows if she allows herself to keep listening to the negative thoughts she will go on the neverending downward spiral. Even if she experiences moments of intense emotions, it will come and go, and Aza can escape the spiral. Another way to describe these thoughts is intrusives. When Aza mistakenly hears her therapist say “invasives” to describe her thoughts instead of intrusives, she finds it more fitting(Green, 2017, pg. 9). Aza thought she liked “invasives” better because it is, “like invasive weeds, these thoughts seem to arrive at my biosphere from some faraway land, and then they spread out of control.”(Green, 2017, pg. 94). This quote paints a picture in the reader’s mind to show how difficult it may be to decipher what are her thoughts and what her mental illness wants her to think. This imagery describes what Aza feels; she can’t tell if she is controlling herself or her illness is controlling her. But part of living with a mental illness is learning how to garden those weeds.
Similarly, Craig describes his thoughts and feelings while having depression. Craig explains the things that make him fall into a sad state of mind. Tentacles are the “evil tasks that invade [his] life.”(Vizzini, 2006, pg.14) It is similar to how Aza describes her “invasives”. These “tentacles” are the things that are hold Craig back from being to be happy, stress and pressure-free. His “tentacles” are obligations like schoolwork or expectations that make weigh Craig down making him feel guilty or pressured. The tentacles are all too stuck to one another and lead to each other in a tangled mess. They feel unmanageable to Craig which leads him to spiraling thoughts of failure. Craig learns how to cope with the tentacles by having anchors, things that make Craig temporarily. Craig rediscovers his passion for art, something he vividly remembers from his childhood. He draws brain maps, he draws all the different roads and back alleys showing everyone has different ways to keep them sane. Some have to many road signs, highways and roads and let themselves get jumbled up. It also shows that people have many different paths they can take and they just need to choose the best directions to not get caught up in life.
Both books demonstrate the struggle of mental illness in youth and show how the teens learn how to cope with living with the illness. Green and Vizzini shine a light on mental illness to educate others and fight the stigma of mental illness by showing that it is normal for people to experience this. The central theme lets the audience be aware that mental illness is arising in the youth and is very important to be knowledgeable of the signs of certain mental illness. Audience members can also relate to many of the book if they have ever felt similar things and know they are not the only one. More importantly, it shows that people are not alone in their illness and that many teens and adults live an amazing life despite their issue. Audience members should care about mental health because someone they know could be struggling with a mental illness and can help them understand their issues. Green and Vizzini portray what it is like to have mental illness through personal experience and it is important to share stories like these so people can grow as a society and bring more light to the issue of mental illness.