Can there be such thing as too much parenting? In this day of technological advancements, parents are now more involved in their children’s lives than ever before. This, in turn, is revealing a growing trend of over-attentive and involved parents. Yet, this so-called style of “helicopter parenting” is causing more harm than good, especially in predominantly Caucasian suburbs. In a town with a large number of upper-class parents, children are finding themselves to be increasingly over monitored. While having an increased presence in a child’s life is important, too much cossetting is provoking a growth of developmental, social, and psychological problems. Unfortunately, these children are at their parents’ mercy due to the fact that they must obey and follow the rules established by senior figures and peer’s parents. Nevertheless, rather than restricting children, parents should give them a wider range to grow, as a child’s development requires learning for their own selves.
Especially in major suburbs around the country, parents are taking to shielding their children from every unfavorable aspect of life. This style of parenting, “characterized by a helicopter-like tendency to hover over children and swoop in to rescue them at the first sign of trouble,” has been increasing over the past few years, exploding into the mainstream by the early 2000s (Almendrala). Statistically speaking, helicopter parents “are often from the highly educated middle class or weather, with social and financial resources to share with adult parenting” (Almendrala). Thus, in a time of many technological advancements, children, with many economic means, are taking to this change, thus making the use the Internet a home-based activity. In return, “parents with a good knowledge base of the Internet and technology typically focus on guidance, control and support,” creating a breeding ground for over-involved parenting (Ramasubbu). While this involvement in a child’s life provides nurturance and support during times of hardship and times of happiness, some parents are taking the normal attitude of parenting to a whole new extreme. Children that grow up in wealthy suburban areas are finding themselves to be at an extreme disadvantage as a result of this treatment. There are instances of parents even going to the extent of planning to attend interviews, calling college professors, or making adult decisions for their children later in life. This, in turn, has left children with ill-feelings towards their parents. When children, older teenagers and young adults especially, feel that the parental support they received is not required, they feel less initiative and less competent than other children who were not parented in this manner (Almendrala). More and more children that come from a home of over-protection and involvement “have little resilience and few abilities to cope with the ordinary stresses of life” (Sirota). Being protective is an essential part of being a parent, but too much parenting is leading to more problems than benefits.
While this issue has arisen as a result of the parent’s beliefs and styles, many times, this treatment is a result of good-hearted parenting gone. Usually, these overly invested parents tend to lean towards the wealthier demographic, only further increasing their well-intentioned desire to be constantly in the loop of their child’s life. Actually, many helicopter parents do not act in this manner purposefully or mean-heartedly, rather believing that they are doing the best for their children by overprotecting them. Studies, such as one conducted by Laura Padilla-Walker and Larry Nelson, reveal that helicopter parenting “reflects parents who are highly invested, extremely concerned for the well-being of their children, and well-intentioned, albeit misdirected” (Willoughby et al. 672). Indeed, there are times that it is necessary for children to have support and be able to rely on their parents for guidance and nurturance. In fact, there are many characteristics of a child’s life that can be augmented by a helicopter parent, many of which have gone unnoticed amongst all of the criticism. Respectively, these children feel more supported as “they grow up with a sense of security, knowing a framework is around them” (Botnick). As a result, this can give a child more chances to experiment with different aspects of life, as there is an emotional and financial support net to help in times of success or failure. Children that do not have overprotective or financially affluent parents may not feel this same sense of security, possibly leaving them feeling unsupported and confused. Likewise, the support and connection that is felt at the home allow for a child to pursue other activities that they may not otherwise excel at. By giving children a range of activities or abilities to test out, it “increases resilience, teaches how to hold onto self-esteem, and reduces perfectionism” (Botnick). Clearly, helicopter parenting is beneficial in these manners, thus the blame should not be entirely placed on the parents. According to Wendy Mogel, a clinical psychologist who specializes in parenting, most parents are “not likely to wake up with insight into how terribly misguided and unenlightened their child-rearing strategies were” (Almendrala). Hence, a child that craves individualism from overprotective parents may need to take some responsibility in breaking down the destructive patterns associated with it. It is important to see the positive effects that helicopter parenting can leave on children, even if it means sacrificing other aspects of it that can be extremely disadvantageous.
As a society that tends to rely on the idea – that if something is good, then more of it may be better – the style of helicopter parenting has been treated in this manner. It is no wonder that many upper-class, Caucasian, suburban parents who act this way argue that their children will be more fit for life in the long-run. But, unfortunately, many times, this is not true. Children that are over-cossetted are at the mercy of many problems later in life, specifically, developmental problems. In the early stages of a child’s life, especially during adolescence, children experience body and brain growth, cognitive development, psychological and social maturation, and peer group and family interaction skills growth (World Health Organization). These developmental aspects of a human’s persona will follow them for the rest of their lives. Having a parent that does not allow a child to learn some aspects of life on their own, thinks for their child, or makes their child’s decisions will gravely harm the rest of their child’s adult life. In fact, in a study conducted by Florida State University in 2016, overparenting has led to some physical problems, as “helicopter kids never learned to manage their health” due to the fact that their parents always told them what to do (Morin). Likewise, these children, who receive about everything they ask for, are not used to handling discomfort or upsetting issues that may come about, increasing the chance that a child will take medication for anxiety or depression (Morin). Without a child’s ability to suffer through trial and error on various events, they do not have the chance to build skills that are key trademarks of their development (Saltz). An infiltration of too much praise, financial compensation, such as gifts or high allowances, or protection during the crucial stages of life is leaving children with “no tools for coping with disappointment [and] for struggling and preserving” (Saltz). When a child is growing up, it is important that a parent steps away at the right time to develop key personality traits.
A child’s development is not the only aspect of their life that cossetting affects. In an astounding number of children, those that had helicopter parents struggle with more than a few social issues. For example, researchers from the University of Arizona “found that helicopter kids grow up feeling entitled” (Morin). This attitude results from the parent treating their child as though they are the center of the world, giving them many gifts and opportunities, as a result of their economic status. This, in turn, can make it harder for children to relate to or build relationships with other peers. Similarly, children raised by over-involved parents “are less attentive to the emotions of others,” marking an inability to connect and create relationships with those other than their parents (Ulutas and Aksoy 2). As a result of their parents’ overindulgence, children are far too invested in themselves rather than becoming attuned to the feelings of others. Not only can this type of behavior affect one’s childhood, but it can change the plans that one makes regarding marriage or other social engagements. In particular, “some emerging adults may feel less capable or willing to transition to committed relationship forms,” stemming from a lower desire of “intimate relational attachments” as a result of negative feelings towards their parents (Willoughby et al. 670-671). Accordingly, in a study done by the Journal of Family Issues, it was found that 79% of a sample agreed that marriage was a lifetime relationship. The proportion of the sample also somewhat agreed that there were “more advantages to being single than married” (Willoughby et al. 680). This correlates with that fact that “higher levels of perceived helicopter parenting” recipients were also under the previous assumption (Willoughby et al. 681). By having overinvolved parents, it can stress the relationships that a child forms with others, even to the point of possibly upsetting their marital and relational lives.
In addition to the abundance of other problems that helicopter parenting can trigger, psychological issues seem to be the most pertinent. The mental-health crisis is an ever-growing epidemic that is affecting more children than originally perceived. Young adults and children that are not self-resilient, due to their parenting experience, never develop the necessary “strength to cope with normal life” (Sirota). In fact, “too many middle- to upper middle-class parents these days are inadvertently undermining the health of their growing kids” (Sirota). These parents have the disposable time and money to overcultivate the lives of their children. Successively, “rates of anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as suicide attempts are up from 2013” (Sirota). Rather than parents deciding most things for their children, they must learn to think for themselves, cope with stressful events, and problem-solve on their own. Without these necessary skills and abilities, these “helicopter kids” are more likely to display more anxious tendencies, many of which are accustomed to always having their work done for them. In the absence of a drive to achieve one’s goals, as found in a study in 2014 by the University of Colorado, children “who grew up with helicopter parents are less likely to possess the mental control and motivation they need to succeed” (Morin). Likewise, their path in life is usually planned out for them, as most upper-class parents wish for their children to follow in similar professional footsteps. It is the common statement that “my parents know what’s best for me” that is destroying a child’s motivational drive (Lythcott-Haims 99). Therefore, unsurprisingly, “overprotective or fearful reactions [from parents] to children may teach their young children to be obsessive or anxious” (Ulutas and Aksoy 6). It seems reasonable to suggest that an underlying cause of the mental-health crisis is the effects that overparenting has on children and teenagers and their increased mental issues. The detrimental parenting that has taken to the mainstream is forming children to be unprepared for post-secondary education and the workplace, prompting a growth of more psychological problems that could be harmful to the entirety of a child’s life.
Unquestionably, helicopter parenting has become an extremely important issue in the lives of many upper-class, suburban families. However, this style of parenting must have been prompted by a specific need for more involvement in children’s lives. In the connected world that we live in today, “the Internet has enhanced parents’ monitoring capabilities, even when they are geographically separated from their children” (Ramasubbu). The increased use of technology to hover over children’s lives has created an atmosphere of “tethered” children (Ramasubbu). Not only has the increased use of technology caused a change in the parenting we see today, but the fear for what kind of information is out there is leading parents to shield their children from more than just Rated-R movies. With the advent of algorithms and other Internet-savvy creations, children and adults “will be profiled from birth,” by the tracking the trail of every keystroke, account number, and personal identification information (Unwin). The increased online presence has prompted a flood of classified personal information into areas of the Internet and even the world that most are unaware of. The fear of the power of the Internet, combined with the unknown of what it holds, has led parents to hover over their children even more as it is “reasonable to be concerned about how such technology” may affect the livelihoods of children (Unwin).
The rise of helicopter parenting can be tracked to the youth experiences of the parent. Beginning from the 1960s, there was a great deal of “economic insecurity” that precipitated “significant social changes” (Ulutas and Aksoy 1). The desire for economic security, especially in a time where becoming wealthy is the hope of many, parents are looking to raise their children with a much better life than they had experienced. In fact, “members of the baby boom generation, born between 1946 and 1964, were the first to earn the label ‘helicopter parent’” (Lythcott-Haims 5). The desire for a high economic status was not the only factor that prompted a parenting change. In the 1980s, there was an “increased awareness of child abductions,” after the kidnapping of Adam Walsh in 1981 (Lythcott-Haims 3). This event spurred parents into action to keep a shorter leash on their children and to protect them from the horrors of the strangers more than ever. Unlike children today, youth during the 70s and 80s were virtually unsupervised by their parents and they were rather unaffected by this under-involvement. On top of the fear of the outside world, studies released in 1983 found that “American kids weren’t competing well against their peers globally” (Lythcott-Haims 3). This, in turn, elicited a country-wide focus on education in America. New federal initiatives flooded the scene, including “No Child Left Behind” and “Race to the Top,” in order to compete academically with the U.S.’ international peers. Lastly, another large shift in the ‘normal’ parenting pattern stems from the creation of the “playdate” around 1984 (Lythcott-Haims 4). These scheduled meetings between children came at a crucial time for the increased number of mothers and women in the workforce. As a result of the organized activity, parents became increasingly involved, going to the extent of “involving themselves in play” (Lythcott-Haims 4). There is not one source of helicopter parenting that has led it to become a parenting epidemic. Rather, a host of different experiential aspects have led parents to neglect the teachings of their own parents and take “active parenting to new competitive heights” (Saltz).
There is no doubt that the solution to begin to bridge the dependence on helicopter parenting is not black and white. For mainly upper-class suburban families, parenting in a much more forward manner has become a way of life, preventing children from doing any activity that would otherwise be deemed “unsafe”. Yet, it is time that parents begin to loosen the leads of their children. Rather than providing a breeding ground for many issues that can rob “kids of the mental strength they need to reach their greatest potential in life” (Morin). The solution requires a cooperation from both the parents and the children. Growing up in a life that is filled with economic opportunities, parental guidance, and praise, makes it hard for children to remove themselves from that mindset. However, in order for parents to begin to give their children a wider range to grow and experiment, they must also have to depend on their children. They are more resourceful and independent than some parents are led to believe. In fact, the biggest response to fixing the problem of helicopter parenting is to allow them to fail and problem-solve on their own. This requires a great deal of distance and mental strength for an overprotective parent, but it will only improve a child’s ability to learn for themselves to have a successful future ahead of them. Natural consequences are a regular part of life, when paired with a safe and loving home life, can benefit a child in the long run, enabling them to learn from setbacks. Helicopter parents must begin to pivot to the idea that “the world is much safer than we’ve been led to believe, and our child needs to learn how to thrive in it rather than be protected from it” (Lythcott-Haims 286).
The implementation of this small, but rather impactful solution does not have to be completed solely by the parents. Other affluent parents within the same town most likely are experiencing the same type of situation in their parenting styles. Depending on a community for support in giving children more independence, can ameliorate the polarizing feelings that a parent may have. This, in turn, can create a “community of like-minded adults” (Lythcott-Haims 290). Banding together as parents will allow for more to decide when enough is enough. Change will not happen without conversation to help other parents to become informed about the negative effects of helicopter parenting. It is time for parents to “summon the courage to do things differently,” and end the cyclical nature of helicopter parenting (Lythcott-Haims 290). Giving children more freedom to experiment with trial and error, problem-solving, and making minor decisions will not come quickly. Rather, the change will arise slowly, with a joint effort from parents, children, and other parental peers. After all, parenting is an ever-changing aspect of life and no one is perfect. However, accepting the fact that overinvolvement is affecting a child’s life is the first step to a solution. Adjusting the destructive patterns that could affect a child for the rest of their life will happen over time, as “an optimum setup with eventually emerge to preserve the health and sustenance of the human race” (Ramasubbu).
Can there be such thing as too much parenting? Irrefutably, this question is accurate. Nowadays, upper-class, Caucasian parents are extremely involved in the planning, implementing, and decision-making of their children’s lives. Unfortunately, the overprotection comes at a high cost. Children are experiencing many detrimental ramifications that can affect them much later in life all from being treated in this manner. Although it is wonderful that parents are interested in their children’s lives, there comes a time where the abundance of security and support ends up becoming too much. The epidemic of helicopter parenting must be put to an end now. There is no excuse for the inability to address the issue of overinvolvement. While indeed it is difficult to find one far-reaching solution, by beginning the conversation with a small community of parents within one suburban community, others may jump onto the bandwagon. Join others in the conversation and the implementation of greater childhood freedom by departing from the crowd of hoverers to foster independence, not dependence.