Dating in the Middle East: Outdated or Practical?
It is a common occurrence in American culture to dream and fantasize about meeting "The One"; the person who encompasses everything one searches for in a potential mate, culminating in a lifetime of happiness. However, in the Middle East, dating has a much different connotation, as courtship is used more as a strategic technique, in some cases, as opposed to what Americans are used to. Oftentimes, there are many moving parts, whether it be familial, financial, or political, when it comes to tying the knot in Middle Eastern culture. In addition, cultural norms and practices place limits on the progression of a relationship, as we're used to in America, thus straining the development of those relationships that are not arranged. As the Middle East continues to Westernize itself in order to keep up with the United States and its allies, the conservative nature behind dating and courtship in the Middle East needs to be reexamined and adjusted accordingly.
Dating in the Middle East, more specifically as a Muslim, is an extremely regulated endeavor where, at the very least, the family is involved. As you travel from country to country, the level of involvement by other facets of Islamic society fluctuates. For example, in Saudi Arabia, it is common for a man to be pulled over if he is alone with a woman in his car; and if they are not married "they would be arrested" (Horrocks). In addition, Islam, itself, prohibits interfaith marriages for Muslim women and still puts limits on interfaith marriages for Muslim men (Al-Qur'an). However, it is important to understand the distinction between old tradition and the evolution of humanity. As technology continues to advance, humans become more social, thus making it more difficult to abide by outdated cultural norms. The freedom to date is an essential freedom for any young adult to have, in order to maximize their social development, understanding of the world they inhabit, and, ultimately, their happiness.
In his column, "You're a Muslim who's not supposed to date. How do you find love?" Shirin Jaafari describes an encounter he had with a gentleman whose marriage was arranged. The man, named Arif Shaikh describes a situation where courtship was something he was not allowed to worry about. "At home 'there was no such thing as the words dating or relationships. It was just something that was non-existent" (Jaafari). He went as far as to say that "practicing Muslims are not supposed to date…in its Western sense". Before getting into the reasons the Western idea of dating and courtship is more beneficial, it is important to understand the logic and reasoning behind arranged marriages, in the first place. There are numerous aspects that go into arranged marriages that are not, necessarily, weighed in the same way in Western society. For example, physical attraction, in addition to intellectual and emotional compatibility play a huge role in the strength of the relationship in Western society. However, when it comes to traditional arranged marriages, the priorities of those arranging the marriages are prioritized much more heavily than in the West. Specifically, family reputation, prestige, and wealth are all weighed more heavily than what the son or daughter may think of their prospective mate, in order to ensure the longevity of the family's position in society. Taking all of this into account, it becomes difficult to understand where the social development of the child is prioritized.
According to Dr. Jefferson Fish, a psychologist studying the effects arranged marriages have on the psychological development of an individual, there are cultures in the world that keep males and females separate throughout their lives, until it is time to get married, to minimize the sexual temptation they could experience should they find themselves in the company of someone of the opposite sex (Fish). However, contrary to popular belief, sexual intercourse is not all that goes into a romantic relationship. Dating allows men and women to network, experiment, and, ultimately, help people get to know themselves. Without the ability to date, there are concerns about the social development of children growing up under these cultural guidelines (Jaafari). Many young adults share similar concerns, in that, when they come of age and begin to get married off, they do not necessarily know how to react or behave around the opposite sex, because of the fact that they were sheltered so much (Jaafari). Furthermore, when an individual is permitted to date without placing any restrictions or limitations on them, they gain an entirely new and unique perspective of the world and its inhabitants, thus allowing them to become a much more well-rounded and knowledgeable person than they would have been with restrictions and limitations placed on their dating lives.
As mentioned, other societal entities play a hand in determining the dating lives of young adults in the Middle East. Due to the hand that governments play in their constituents' social lives in the Middle East, they have yet to catch up to the progressive American society. Homosexuality has become a popular Although "homosocial" behavior is often encouraged so long as there is "no chance for any temptation", countries such as Iran, for example, threaten execution for anyone found guilty of sodomy (Whitaker). In other countries, such as Algeria, Kuwait, and Bahrain, sodomy is punishable by up to ten years in prison (Whitaker). While enforcement is a bit shaky, these laws indicate a significant lack of respect and approval for the lifestyles of its citizens (Whitaker). It is completely ignorant and close-minded to have laws that ban the lifestyle choices of an individual simply because one does not agree. This is a simply preferential and has no effect on the morality of the person at hand.
As the product of a biracial marriage, I have been blessed with the opportunity to be raised with knowledge of multiple cultures and perspectives of the world. My parents have not been shy about sharing the story behind our unique heritage which has attributed to my upbringing and the choices that I have made, just as any other upbringing would have. However, because I am sensitive to the racial discrimination my father went through throughout the 1900s and aware of the privilege I possess as a light skinned individual, my perspective on life has allowed me to own the side of me that is African American and delve into the deep and enriching history my father's family possesses while using my Caucasian appearance to further the efforts to alleviate the racial tension between Caucasian Americans and African Americans. Intercultural relationships have many benefits, most of which I have been blessed enough to experience throughout my short life. For starters, an intercultural relationship is the easiest, and one of the most immersive ways to gain an entirely new perspective on another culture or religion (University Blues). This isn't to say that it is necessary to forget about or ignore the aspects of your own culture; it is a way to open up and begin to understand that there are more aspects to life than what one is originally exposed to growing up. While Islam does allow for the potential of an intercultural marriage, they are limited to men and even with this provision, immersion into another culture is not, necessarily, on top of the priority list for those who arrange the relationships. As stated, though, an understanding of different cultures and even coexistence with an individual from a different background could open the door for the advancement of the Middle East and its people socially.
As society has become more modernized, so too has the foundation of arranged marriages. Although not everyone is so inclined as to follow these new customs, increasingly more people are beginning to adopt these new customs. Due to the large influence that Western culture has had on the Middle East, some young Muslims have begun to search for their own partners, using a type of courtship called "Halal Dating" (Rashid). In his article explaining the nuances of "Halal Dating" Neha Rashid describes an experience where the desire to find love is overshadowed by the desire to be a good Muslim, due to the fact that, to many, regardless of the, supposed, innocence of the relationship, dating in the Western sense is accompanied by the temptation of premarital sex. However, at least at the surface level, by adding the term Halal, many feel as if it is guaranteeing the absence of anything haram (Rashid). This has led to the introduction of many dating applications such as Muzmatch, Salaam Swipe, and Minder, all of which are becoming increasingly successful as the idea of Halal Dating becomes more popular (Rashid). This phenomenon is the first step of many in modernizing dating in the Middle East.
As stated, as our world becomes increasingly more advanced, the need to keep up with technological, educational, and social advancements becomes increasingly more important, especially for the countries that are already stuck in their traditional ways. There is nothing wrong with tradition, however, even the most sacred of traditions, such as the celebration of holidays, have been adjusted to keep up with the times. Dating needs to be viewed in the same light. As of today, limitations on the courtship in the middle east have prevented its people from stepping into modern day society, keeping their minds closed off from the potential perspectives they could gain by dating outside of what is familiar to them. This is not to say that the entire system needs to be overhauled, however, in order to advance as a society, the chains placed upon the concept of dating in Middle Eastern culture must be broken.
 
Works Cited
“Al-Qur'an Al-Kareem – القرآن الكريم.†Surah Al-Ma'idah [5:5], quran.com/5/5.
Fish, Jefferson M. “Arranged Marriages.†Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/looking-in-the-cultural-mirror/201004/arranged-marriages.
Fullerton.edu. Benefits of an Interracial Relationship, www.fullerton.edu/universityblues/interracial/benefits.htm.
Horrocks, Ashleigh. “Teens, Dating, and Courtship.†A Guide to Arab Relationship Customs, 21 Nov. 2008, byuimiddleeast.wordpress.com/dating/.
Jaafari, Shirin. “You're a Muslim Who's Not Supposed to Date. How Do You Find Love?†Public Radio International, www.pri.org/stories/2015-03-13/youre-muslim-whos-not-supposed-date-how-do-you-find-love.
Rashid, Neha. “How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves.†NPR, NPR, 20 Apr. 2017, www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/04/20/502461218/how-young-muslims-define-halal-dating-for-themselves.
Whitaker, Brian. “Everything You Need to Know about Being Gay in Muslim Countries.†The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 21 June 2016, www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/21/gay-lgbt-muslim-countries-middle-east.