Riley Ballard
Stephan Flores
ENG 475
4 May 2018
At Odds with Herself;
Examining Internal and External Conflict Through Representations of Aesthetic and Metaphor.
In Otessa Mosfegh’s Eileen, the use of image as it relates to the self and others is key to the narrative. While the protagonist of the text grapples with her interior struggles, it is also the exterior that she presents that lends readers insight to her personality and understanding of her surroundings. A close examination of Eileen, her father, Randy, and Rebecca with detailed attention to their presentation shows a subtextual dialogue with the individuals in the novel, involving themes of mental health and personal agency.
In the opening paragraph, Eileen states that “I looked like a girl you’d expect to see on a city bus, reading some clothbound book from a library about plants or geography, perhaps wearing a net over my light brown hair… I looked like nothing special”. The protagonist describes herself as “strange, young and mousy…thin…jagged, my movements pointy and hesitant, my posture stiff” (Mosfegh, Eileen). Not only do these statements beg the questions of whether she is special, (contrary to her perceived perception by others) and why she describes herself so unfavorably, but they also hint to a degree of performed normalcy and dissociation from herself, displaying an outward identity which does not belong to her at all. According to Jean Zimmerman in a review on Eileen, “Eileen hates almost everything, and is unhappy and angry just about all the time”, a statement that truly captures the need to be content with one’s life, something that Eileen cannot manage to do, but is still hidden by her public persona of the uptight local woman. This idea is supported as she states that she has “acne scars blurring whatever delight or madness lay beneath that cold and deadly New England exterior” (Mosfegh, Eileen 1). Eileen continues to assert that, in retrospect, she “was a prude” who fastened her clothing up as far as possible out of a perception that she was “ugly, disgusting, unfit for the world” (Mosfegh, Eileen 2). In response to this, one might draw a connection between her guarded, prim presentation to her residence in her hometown, X-ville, which, for the majority of the book, encapsulates Eileen’s identity and actions within its bounds. The parallel between Eileen’s form of dress and her surroundings is, to an extent, applicable upon several layers. Her remark that she is comforted in some way by the thought of pulling her brain out through her nose like yarn (in the manner that was used for Egyptian mummification candidates), attributing it to her feeling of disorganization when it comes to her mental state. Just as the mummy would be tightly wrapped in cloth, so too would Eileen in her clothes. Her insistence on containing and guarding herself is telling of a great deal of guardedness, which is troubled by her comparison of her body to “an empty vessel” (Mosfegh, Eileen 9). Mosfegh herself writes from experience, in an interview in 2015, she stated:
“I’ve had eating issues since adolescence and there’s nothing in my work that I haven’t thoroughly researched privately.” And the problematic relationship between food and the body that features in her writing? “I’ve had eating issues since adolescence, and while I don’t enjoy speaking about this publicly, I can say that there’s nothing in my work that I haven’t thoroughly researched privately.” As for Eileen’s body obsession, she has said it’s hardly surprising, even inevitable: we “live in a culture of objectification … women are judged by appearance first. (‘Eileen started out as a joke).
It is clear that just as Eileen covers herself, there is also pressure for women to conform physically to an unfair cultural ideal, leading many to develop unhealthy expectations of their selves. This leads to health issues,
In a similar way, the car that Eileen drives has become so rusted that the floorboards are no longer entirely solid. Within the glovebox, however, she keeps a dead field mouse which she had found on her porch one winter’s morning. In this detail, we see the continued parallel of the contained and concealed body (and physical (the car’s exterior) and mental presence (the glovebox)), but also the idea that regardless of the perceived emptiness of her body, there is also a grotesque but defining quality that Eileen keeps locked out of view. One should also not neglect to notice the detail that the outer body is rapidly decaying and the inner body fails to give in so easily (Mosfegh, Eileen). This may hint at a degree of persistence in Eileen that just might allow her to escape the town she loves.
As Eileen continues to discuss the car, she states that there was a problem with the exhaust coming into the cab, causing her to drive it with the windows open, even in winter. She describes it as her “only means of escape”, and states that she is afraid that her complaint of its poor condition would remove it from her possession (Mosfegh, Eileen 10). Often tasked with buying her father alcohol, she muses on the characteristics of her hometown “quaint, you’d call it.”. Her further musings on the inability of the liquor to freeze (“It’s the one thing in the place that simply refused the cold”) hints at her father’s means of existence after the death of his wife, subject to an addiction that creates for him a stability, if a very unhealthy and expensive one (Mosfegh, Eileen 11). Eileen’s father was once a policeman, and now that he is no longer working, it would stand to reason that his pension is what keeps him in good financial shape as he exercises his drinking habit. In light of the attitude displayed by our main character to her hometown, as well as her description of seemingly inhospitable X-ville as “cold”, one can draw the conclusion that where Eileen bundles herself away to avoid the stressors of social judgement, her father drinks to escape his discomfort (Mosfegh, Eileen 11).
In a stroke of independence from her father, Eileen holds a job at a local juvenile detention facility, where she performs basic administrative work and assists with visitations. In her characteristic way, she despises the other secretaries, who don’t speak to her anyways. Eileen makes a point of mentioning that in the face of the “misery and shame” around her, she resorts to using a “death mask”, a facial position modeled after the death masks of great men. Behind the smooth exterior, however, there is turmoil occurring, as she does admit that “The boys at Moorehead… frightened me at the time because I felt they didn’t like me, didn’t find me attractive. Some of them were grown, tall and handsome. I was not immune to those boys either” (Mosfegh, Eileen 16,17). Here (and in the case of the prison guard, Randy) we have a manifestation of Eileen’s repression, showing a binary split between the old and the young, but only upon the more rebellious end of Eileen’s perceived spectrum of potential suitors. Randy is described as wearing “hair that gleamed in a high ducktail… the standard starched gray uniform, well-oiled motorcycle boots, a heavy set of keys clipped onto his belt loop” (Mosfegh, Eileen 14, 30). Where Eileen’s personal tastes totally contradict the aesthetic impression given by Randy, it could just be that Eileen feels trapped within her presentation and the polarity of Randy’s tastes in comparison to her own gives her a sense of comfort via a perception of comparative normalcy. Where Randy only wears a short sleeve shirt to work, Eileen remarks on her wearing “layers of cotton underthings, a blouse, a wool jacket” (Mosfegh, Eileen 17). She also later states that she wears lipstick in order to avoid any perception of the color of her nipples. “At twenty-four I would give nothing to aid any imagining of my naked body”, writes the obsessive Eileen. Eileen’s perception of guilt regarding matters that she cannot control extends further to her class status, as, while passing through a poor neighborhood, she “feel(s) ashamed not to be so poor” (Mosfegh, Eileen 20). This idea is rendered unstable as, after entering a dress shop she muses: “It wasn’t fair. Others could wear nice things, so why not me? If I did, certainly people would pay me the attention I deserved” (Mosfegh 57). The latter statement in the quote immediately preceding is demonstrative of a different tack in Eileen’s self-perception. She doesn’t always feel as if she looks terrible, though it would stand to reason that due to her discomfort with her body and tendency to cover, the dresses that would allegedly gain her more favor would also place additional mental stress upon her. Eileen doesn’t seem comfortable with the general fashions and the processes of interpersonal interactions in day-to-day life, and while I should allow that she can function on a basic level in social situations, her discomfort seems to be a significant roadblock to her normal development of a healthy friendship bond. In addition, her perception of even “normalcy” is skewed, as at this time she specifically states that she doesn’t know that there are others who don’t fit in (Mosfegh 21). It would be fair to assume that if she were to connect with others that could Identify with her, she might have a better chance of overcoming her issues.
Eileen’s body image and social anxiety are sections of the larger, interconnected problem that she struggles with. It is through her assertion of agency in many cases that she retains her drive to continue, often in outright defiance to the aspects of society that she does not wholly identify with, but yet takes troubled part in. In light of an article published by Psychiatric Quarterly, the perception that one’s body is not socially acceptable or generally attractive can be accompanied in some instances by obsessive behaviors that significantly detract from the person’s quality of life.
“some people… are preoccupied with nonexistent or slight defects in appearance and experience significant distress or impairment as a result…Under DSM-5 criteria, these patients can be diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) if they also perform repetitive, compulsive behaviors in response to appearance concerns (e.g., mirror checking or seeking reassurance from others) and the preoccupation is not better explained by an eating disorder (e.g., excessive concern with weight) [4]. (Blum, Redden and Grant).
While I don’t have any intention of suggesting or diagnosing the character with any condition or ailment, I would like to point out the severity of Eileen’s behavioral patterns, which do involve mirror-checking (Mosfegh, Eileen 87) and distress over people’s perception of her body, which she worries people can see through her (heavily layered) clothes. She once mentions that she would like to sit “on Dr. Frye’s couch… and confess… that my life was simply intolerable” (Mosfegh, Eileen 22). This suicidal thinking extends throughout her introspective moments. “One snagged vein, one late night skid on the icy interstate, one hop off the X-ville bridge. I could just walk into the Atlantic Ocean if I wanted to“ (Mosfegh, Eileen 55). It is clear that her mind is at least occasionally occupied with ideas of how to kill oneself, a sign, I would argue, that suggests an unhealthy mental fixation with the concept of death. She is kept from committing such an act for much the same reason that her father is seen to her as a hypocrite, namely, the concept of an afterlife. “I didn’t believe in heaven, but I did believe in hell” (Mosfegh, Eileen 55).
Even forbidding herself from smiling, (as she thought the interior of her mouth far too similar to the interior of her genitals) Eileen decided to train herself to keep her mouth closed at all times if possible, keeping a bottle of Listerine to ward off bad breath, and swallowing it if she felt she would have to talk to someone before getting to the women’s restroom (Mosfegh, Eileen 24). The severity of her need to cover is definitely harmful to her self-perception , and indicates an unhealthy fixation with the perception of others. This principle also works in reverse, in that Eileen mentions her distaste for seeing films due to the perceived beauty of the actresses and the way in which they were able to operate with others, totally contrary to Eileen’s expressed perception of being “a doormat, a blank wall, someone desperate enough to do anything” (Mosfegh, Eileen 55). While Eileen’s self-consciousness is partially a product of her father’s abuse and alcohol-fueled insults, the two characters do coexist. In fact, Eileen and her father do share a touching, if bizarre connection occasionally, especially in the instance of Eileen’s return from the movies, where she says to her father “”Doris Day’s a fat hack””, eliciting the response of “Waste of time going to the movies if you ask me.” The two drink together and converse in about as smooth a conversation as can be had with Eileen’s father, affected as he is by heavy alcohol use (Mosfegh 62).
Inspecting this lighter aspect of Eileen’s interactions as they impinge upon her view of the female body, there comes a time in the text in which Eileen is empowered by a newcomer to Moorehead, one Rebecca Saint John, who remarks in support of Eileen “I prefer being sort of flat chested, don’t you? Women with big bosoms are always so bashful. That, or else they think their figures are all that matters. Pathetic.” (Mosfegh, Eileen 96). In this moment, Rebecca takes the sensitive Eileen under her wing, reassuring her that embarrassment isn’t necessary. This sole moment allows Eileen to break her shell and peek out for the first time, felling, as she describes it “my body, my very being, was justified. Such solidarity and awe I felt, you’d think I’d never had a friend before. And really, I hadn’t.” (Mosfegh, Eileen 96). Soon, caught under the spell of her liberator, she would begin to envision the phrases she would use to continue to draw in her newfound friend. She begins to put down her guard slightly, evidenced by her potentially unwitting error of focusing a spotlight at the prison wardens’ crotch during his announcements at the Christmas pageant at Moorehead.
Her recovery from the heavily repressed state isn’t instant, however, as she feels embarrassed for purchasing sanitary napkins shortly after she leaves work. Her recovery soon resumes as she talks with Rebecca about cigarette smoking “Nasty habit…but that’s why I like it. Not very becoming of a lady, though. It turns your teeth yellow. See?” after opening her mouth for Eileen’s inspection of her tobacco-stained mouth, Eileen is brought into the fold further, given a demonstration that it is acceptable to buck your conservative sensibilities and be comfortable around people. Eileen’s discomfort centered around the mouth is evidence of her heavily repressed sexuality, and seeing another woman display the interior of her mouth is, in a way, a manner of expelling the awkwardness Eileen feels surrounding such matters (Mosfegh, Eileen 121). Throughout the ensuing conversation, we see Rebecca and Eileen having a sexually tinged conversation, with Eileen jumping at shadows to read Rebecca’s statements as flirtation or innuendo. In the end, Rebecca checks to make sure she remembers Eileen’s name correctly, undoubtedly a slight, but still a reassurance to Eileen’s hope of attaining a friendship.
In their next encounter, Rebecca asks Eileen to accompany her for cocktails at a local bar, but in a change of her usual manners, her question is described as feeling very scripted (Mosfegh, Eileen 137). Upon her arrival at the bar, Rebecca remarks that Eileen’s order of a beer is “neat”, hinting at the affluence that she was raised in and around, as well as what might be a lingering distaste for things that are perceived as lower class (Mosfegh 141). The reaction of Rebecca disappears soon, as she becomes friendly with some local men, one of whom proudly displays his missing teeth to the two women, a depiction of both masculinity as well as a further reassurance that Eileen’s discomfort is unfounded (Mosfegh 149). The newly-restored perception of Rebecca’s comfort among Eileen is only temporary, as Eileen is invited to meet Rebecca on Christmas Eve, at her house. The strangely-acting Rebecca feeds Eileen, and then explains her moral worldview in vague terms, stating that she doesn’t “believe in good and bad.” (Mosfegh, Eileen 214). She soon reveals to Eileen the truth about a murder case, the perpetrator of which lives in Moorehead, and explains that the boy killed his father in order to escape the reoccurring sexual assault he was experiencing by his father’s hand. “” What would drive someone to kill his own father?”…”Killing him,” I answered, “would be the only way out.”” (Mosfegh, Eileen 219). This exchange connects troubled relationships between Eileen and her father and Lee Polk and his father. While Eileen was never raped or sexually assaulted, the only way of escaping the abuse of a parent in these two cases is to kill the parent.
Further connections between Rebecca’s views and the dynamics displayed between characters in the text are brought to light as Rebecca state that “Most women hate one another. It’s only natural, all of us competing, mothers and daughters especially.” (Mosfegh, Eileen 220). This statement reaffirms Eileen’s distrust of other female figures as well as her internal and external selves, which had been influenced since childhood by abuse and a dysfunctional family life. As Eileen makes off with the drugged and wounded Mrs. Polk in the end of the book, she leaves her father behind, saying “good night” rather than “goodbye”. (Mosfegh, Eileen 255). This signals a rejection of the abusive and dysfunctional parenting system in which she was raised. Similarly, with Mrs. Polk, who was left by the side of the road in the running and exhaust-filled car, there was precious little done to convey the final sentiments of a child to a parent. Eileen’s decision to not say anything marks a final decision to exert her agency against the problematic manners in which she was raised. The assumption of responsibility by Eileen for Mrs. Polk’s death is a further assertion of her opposition to her upbringing as the quiet, shy, and downtrodden daughter of a policeman.
In conclusion, the dynamic between Eileen, her father, and Rebecca shows a dynamic of abused and mentally ill individuals, where Eileen raises herself from
Works Cited
Blum, Austin W., Sarah A Redden and Jon E Grant. "Neurocognitive Functioning in Young Adults with Subclinical Body Dysmorphic Disorder." Psychiatric Quarterly (2018): 45-52.
Mosfegh, Otessa. ‘Eileen started out as a joke – also I’m broke, also I want to be famous’ Paul Laity. 16 september 2016.
—. Eileen. New York, New York: Penguin, 2015.
Zimmerman, Jean. "'Eileen' Is Dark, Damaged Fun." NPR. 13 August 2015. online review.