What Do Children Need Most?
Mother’s Day, 2018
Dr. Joel Patton
Text: 1 Timothy 3:4-5 & Ephesians 6:4
When you have a baby, you wonder about lots of things: What’s my kid going to look like? [CUTE KID]
Will he look like his mom, or will he look like me? [KID PICKING NOSE]
Is he going to behave well or misbehave terribly? [KID SMILING]
But sometimes you wonder about deeper—and yes, even crazier—things.
Like – What have I gotten myself into? [SLIDE]
Seriously? How did this happen? I mean, you know how this “happened,” but . . . now, you have a kid! Or you have a second kid! Or you can’t seem to stop having kids (Jamie and Trina)! Which means . . .
Your eyes are bloodshot from sleepless nights.
Your house is cluttered with bottles, diapers, and plastic toys.
You wear spit-up on your shoulder like an accessory.
And so you wonder….. What have I gotten myself into?
Well, what you have gotten yourself into is a relationship
With a human being.
Granted, right now it’s a very small human being, but it’s a relationship, nonetheless.
And this relationship is complicated. There’s a lot of pressure to get it right. You’ve probably gotten some pretty crazy advice, right?
But let me go ahead and clear something up: there is no perfect way to parent. And not only that, but you’re going to make some mistakes as a parent. And that’s okay.
Because here’s the deal: Your relationship with your child is more important than getting everything right.
All of the “stuff” that comes with having a baby—all the schedules, devices, and theories—pale in comparison to the relationship you build over time with that little human being.
That’s why parenting is so wonderful…..and on this Mother’s Day…that’s why being a Mother is so wonderful….
Someone once wrote: You Know You’ve Turned Into A Mom When:
– You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
– You find yourself humming Disney songs as you do the dishes.
– You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
– You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!
Someone also wrote about: Some Things Our Mothers Taught Us:
– My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
– My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
– My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
– My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until your father get’s home"
– My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to stay like that."
– My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You act just like your father."
– My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
So – as Parents…we may wonder what we have gotten ourselves into…but Here’s something else you might wonder:
What Does My Child Need Most?
Well, as you think about that on this Special Day we call Mother’s Day…..let me tell you that what your children needs the most are the same things we all need.
When I am counseling with families in my office, I tell the parents that their children have 3 Basic Needs….I call them the 3 S’s.
Security – Stability and a Savior!
But due to time restraints this morning, I’m only going to have time to cover the most important of those 3 and that is a Savior.
While we are all aware that we are to Discipline our children, we are also to Disciple our children.
When we discipline our children, we teach them how to act and speak properly, and hopefully how to exercise proper control over themselves.
But when we disciple our children, we teach them that God loves them and introduce them to a relationship with Jesus.
So, to Disciple our children, I want us to look at 3 Key Steps in Introducing our Children to what they need most….a Relationship with Jesus as their Savior!
And the First Step in this Discipleship process is:
Lead them Skillfully
In 1 Timothy 3:4-5 we read, “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?).”
While this passage is directed to Fathers….it is certainly good advice for both parents.
Those parents who Disciple their children skillfully will be able to teach them to cooperate and respect them.
To disciple our children means to teach them, and teachers are leaders.
The Apostle Paul asks, “if someone does not know how to lead their family, how can they lead in the church?” I think that is an excellent question, and one we could apply to any other area of leadership.
Our children are the ones we have the chance to make the biggest impact on. If we lead them skillfully, they will follow us willingly. Children (like all people) need leadership.
Parents are the people who eliminate for our kids some of the scary uncertainty of the world.
And That’s what leaders do, my friends. Leaders bring clarity out of chaos.
When others stand around saying, “What do we do now,” leaders are the ones who say, “Here’s what we’ll do.”
This doesn’t mean leaders always know for sure that they are right – parenthood often seems like trial and error, doesn’t it?
But because of this uncertainty, some parents just don’t lead……and so they say things like, “I don’t want to restrict him unnecessarily.” OR “All her friends at school have parents who let them watch those movies and listen to that music – maybe I’m too uptight.”
Parents, please hear this – our children cannot bear the weight of our insecurities, nor should they have to pay the price for them.
Leadership doesn’t require always knowing the answers, but it always requires willingness to make decisions with firmness and confidence, and to bear the weight of disagreement and argument that is sure to come.
As parents we must know our own values, know what we feel deepest in our hearts, and set limits accordingly. We must never forfeit the responsibility of leading our children.
The next thing we need to know about Discipling our children is that we need to:
Lead Them Tenderly
We find this instruction in Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Again, this is directed to Fathers, but is tremendous advice for both parents.
In this verse, the original Greek communicates that this training and instruction is to be done in a caring and tender manner. Because, if we don’t, we will exasperate or frustrate our children.
In other words…. They will come to resent us and possibly even resent God.
So, Whatever we do as parents, we can and must do tenderly.
Tenderness is not weakness, it is an attitude that comes from a respect for our kids’ growing personality.
Whatever we do with our children, if we do it tenderly, with compassion, they will sense our love for them, even when they do not agree, and they will feel deeply secure as they seek the Savior.
We will disciple and teach them by what we Tenderly say, but as you already know, we will disciple them mostly by what we do. So,
Lead them by Example
This is the 3rd lesson to learn as we Disciple our Children.
How do we do this? By taking them to church? Sure.
But mostly by how we respond to them in everyday situations.
When Your nine year old gets up at 3 in the morning scared of monsters in her bedroom.
Or Your teenager comes to you devastated about a painful ending to a friendship.
Does God have a place in those conversations?
Will you pray over them, with them, and for them? Will you reassure them frequently not only of your love for them but God’s also? Will you bring God into the center of your family life?
Parents, this is critical.
And what happens if we do not do this? Our kids often grow up and say, “I was raised in a religious home,” but they have no personal relationship with God.
They see Christ as something that decorated the edges of their life during childhood, but someone they easily shook off in college.
But we are reminded in Deuteronomy 11:18-20 “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,”
(Tech – Go to next slide here….)
If your child is going to value God, you will have to value God.
If your child is going to live to serve others, you must live to serve others.
To disciple your child, to teach them about God, you do not need to be a Bible scholar – you just need to have faith that God loves you and your child, and wants to live in close relationship to you, and then convey that to your child as clearly and consistently as you can.
CONCLUSION:
So, Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and everyone else….the thing our Children need the most is a Savior…..and it is all of our responsibility to help in this process….but parent’s the Primary Responsibility is Yours!
So, Lead your Children Skillfully –Tenderly and by Example all the way to The Savior!
Let them see who you are and who God is to you. Let them see that peace, happiness, joy, grace, love and contentment are only found when we know Jesus.
Will you pray with me?
God, nothing gets to our hearts like the issue of parenting. We love our children so much, and we don’t want to fail them. May we honor you in this unbelievably important relationship, so that our children will grow to know you, love you, and serve you faithfully all of their lives. Amen.