Case Study: Child of Divorce
Jane Smith
Background Information
Jane Smith is a 20-year-old African American female. She was born in Kennesaw, Georgia and has three siblings. Jane’s parents divorced when she was 8 years old. Jane was interviewed by Malia Davis on May 23rd at her place of residence.
Marital Relationship before separation
Jane expressed that she did not know much before her parent’s separation. Jane Smith remembered her parents met when they were in college in Mississippi. They were only together for two to three years before they decided to get married. Before they got married they had conceived their first child. They officially got married and then Jane’s mom had the first child. Soon after the family moved to Kennesaw, Georgia. Five years after they had their first child the couple had another child, two years later had Jane, and two years later had their final child together. Jane’s parents were married for 17 years before their separation.
Integration. According to Demo and Fine, there is a main red flag that predicted that this couple would get divorced (72). The main reason is that they conceived right before marriage and had their first child within the first couple of months of marriage. This causes a financial strain, taking the number of people that need to be supported from two to three. Financial strain also correlates with higher levels of stress. Throughout the class, the amount of time that a person is together before they decide to get married plays a big role in whether they will stay together or not.
Separation Phase
Jane said that there were multiple things that led to her parent’s separation. Her parents started to argue a lot more. She said that her father was having an extramarital affair. During this period of her mom finding out, Jane said her father started to become very agitated every day. Her parents were very passive aggressive with each other throughout the day in front of the kids. Jane said she usually heard them argue during the night. Eventually Jane said that she started to see her father come around less and less. Eventually her parents decided to separate without going to court.
Integration. It is common for African Americans to seek separations without getting divorced. This applied to Jane’s case because her parents chose not to go to the courts at first. Also according to Demo and Fine, affairs are one of the most common causes of divorce or separation (77). Research shows that any involvement outside of a relationship brings characteristics like doubt in self and in partner, anger, and depression. Another parallel with Jane’s story and the Demo and Fine research, is that Gottman’s research on the bids of affection slowly stopped. These bids most likely stopped due to the extramarital affair that the father was in.
Reaction to the Separation
Jane found out about the when her mom asked her to get something out her parent’s bedroom closet. When she went to go get what her mother asked for, all of her father’s belongings were gone. When she found out she did not know the extent of the situation. She said that her big sister knew the extent because she was older, and her sister starting taking on responsibilities to comfort and care for her siblings. Jane and her brothers were oblivious to the situation. She also said that her parents did not try to comfort her. They handled the separation as something that should be “swept under the rug”. The topic could be talked about but the parents never introduced the situation formally to their children.
Integration. According to Demo and Fine and class lectures, it is very common that a child takes on certain roles following a separation. This was exemplified with Jane’s older sister, when she took charge in comforting her younger siblings. It also exemplifies how there are also positive outcomes when separation happens. It can also promote a sense of maturation (134). In contrast to what the Demo and Fine books says, age can be a huge role into how a child takes divorce. Jane said that she was very oblivious to the situation but that could have been due to age and not knowing much about separation or divorce.
Separation Transitions
During the separation phase the father moved in with his friend and her children. The mother and the children got evicted from their apartment because the father stopped paying the rent. Eventually the children and the mom moved to a hotel. The mother did not have much money during the separation to afford a home, so they would move from home to home with church friends and pastor. After the moving around, the mother and the children moved to Mississippi to move in with their grandmother. Jane said that this transition was hard on all of the children. It was a hard adjustment but academically it did not affect her overall performance.
Integration. In contrast to what was in the book, children whose parents are divorced are more likely to do poorly in school (125). In Jane’s case academically she said that she was not affected negatively, if anything she felt like she did better in school. Also Jane and her siblings had to transition a lot, moving from house to hotel to different locations resulting in high fluidity. In comparison to lectures, grandparents can play a major role when children are adjusting to separation and divorce. Grandparents can be a constant to their grandchildren when these situations are happening which can help a child be more open to adjustment.
Divorce/Custody
Mother got to keep her car and she received sole physical custody because dad did not want physical custody. The parents also had joint legal custody. In some way the father had won financially because he won everything else. Later on the father lost his portion of legal custody and the mom was granted sole legal custody.
Integration. She did not go in depth about the divorce or custody hearing. In correlation to the lectures, the way that custody is usually set up, the mother gets sole physical custody. Also it is very common for mothers to have power when it comes to custody and fathers have financial power.
Post-Divorce Transition
After the divorce, Jane’s mother and siblings moved to stay with their grandmother permanently. Jane said it was a hard transition to not have their father around at all. She grew to have resentment for mother because she did not replace her father figure. Jane’s dad stayed in Georgia and lived with his friend who later turned into his girlfriend. Jane and her siblings made only two visits to see their father. Jane said that the father’s girlfriend took them on trips and treated her and her siblings really good.
Integration. In correlation to the lectures and books, jane had a couple adjustments to make. The adjustment to having a two-parent home to a single-parent home was the hardest for Jane. She always thought that her parents would eventually work it out or come back together which is very common for children who see their parent’s relationship fall apart, according to class lectures.
Long-Term effects on Jane
Jane said that this experience has shaped how she views men differently, she is unable to make connections and friends. She also said she feels very guarded around people and does not like how it feels to be vulnerable. She also said that she does not believe marriage is obtainable for her. She does not want any children in the future because she does not want to break someone else because she feels broken. In conclusion of the interview, she expressed that if her father did not love her then no one will be able to.
Integration. In the Demo and Fine text, they explain how it is more likely to jump into intimate relationships. In contrast to that information Jane has completely strayed away from relationships. She finds it hard to connect with other people and she does not look for anything in another person. There is however a parallel with woman of divorce parents usually respond more cautiously with intimate relationships.