THE JOY OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Kazzie Dawson
Com 215
April Curtis
July 8, 2018
Chapter one
Fairy tales and myths of our childhood
The fairy tales and myths of our childhood each have a representation for each one of us. The tale and myth have a huge impact on us that contributes to our growth. They assist us to relate to the activities and circumstances that surround us. They help us to understand our problems in relation to them being a repetition of occurrences that have happened in the tales that we have heard in our childhood making it easier for us. They also help us in relating to the existence of different characters in people that surround us. Nothing really seems new. One is also able to view their conflicts in a wider manner and be able to choose the best way in which to solve the problem. There is an opportunity to know your role in the conflict and one avoids much argument and is able to maintain the relationship.
Roles in a conflict
In any chance of a conflict, there are three characters that appear which are inclusive of the victim, villain and the hero. All these three characters play a role in being part of the conflict. The victim is usually the perceived innocent person in the conflict. They get into the conflict due to their naïve nature or having self-esteem issues or ego. They do not have the power to defend themselves and are always waiting on someone to defend them. They get much attention out of sympathy and neglect responsibility in the conflict as they think that they do not have anything to do as they are the victims and the villain should be the one to change. At the end of the conflict they are most likely to facilitate resolution out of their goodness. There is then the hero who usually brings out the character of being bold and selfless and is usually determined to bring justice in the conflict. They take charge of the situation. Even though they solve conflicts they are brought out as self-righteous characters that may use their position so as to clear their bad character. The final role is on the villain who is usually the bad one in the conflict. They take advantage of the victim for their personal benefits and are usually evil. They fight to their level best to ensure that they are never defeated. They do not easily let go of the conflict even after it has been resolved.
Drama Triangle
It is referred to as a drama triangle as it entails of different characters each with their role. One thing comes up after the other from the victim, villain and the hero and therefore creating the triangle from the drama by each character involved. The triangle works through the three-character involved and how they portray their roles one after the other. The blame games being thrown from one to the other. The victim blaming the villain, the villain harassing the victim, the hero sympathizing with the victim and the hero fighting the injustice by the villain.
Importance of asking directly
It is usually important to ask matters that bother a person directly to the person involved than keeping them in silence or telling them to other people in whispers. This is because one becomes frustrated and stressed out while the person who caused it is relaxing and not aware of their frustrations. Probably it would have been an easy issue that would be resolved fast. This works in a person’s life in that they do not get a chance to be victims of matters that would have been solved. They also do not get to collide with anyone and avoid conflicts. They are able to avoid esteem issues as they can speak for themselves and do not have to blame on people.
Abandoning the need to control
Abandoning the need to control is a good idea as the people involved in the conflict get to forego the issue of concern and move on with their lives. There are usually no drama triangles created and no one gets to feels as the winner in the conflict while another feels inferior. It ends at a fair level as no one wins. The abandoning idea could also be a bad idea as there are usually grudges left out and the relationships are not mended but broken. The problem may tend to repeat itself as it was not looked into and brought to an end.
Circle of resolution
Circle of resolution is when every person involved in the conflict takes responsibility for their character. In this case, everyone gets what he or she wanted without having any losers. The different roles are set aside as that of the victim takes responsibility for their reactions when there is a conflict by not feeling weak but being responsible for them. There could be the elimination of the hero character that feels self-righteous and attacks the villain creating more conflict. The villain, on the other hand, should stop feeling all powerful and work together with the others in problem-solving. Basically, everyone should let go of his or her roles in the entire conflict and work with each other towards solving the problem.
Hero role
In most circumstances, I am likely to embody the hero character where there is more of problem-solving and courageous character. In this case, one is involved more in looking more into a solution that will settle the issue as much as the hero tends to be fighting against one side of the villain. However, at the end of the conflict, the problem is solved and there is fairness.
I agree with the text on every issue raised. I think the text is well elaborated with an explanation of the different roles played during a conflict and the characters that are involved in the conflict. The text then gives a better way in which the matter should be solved to avoid the entire conflict by each role player which way better.
Chapter two
Competition as habit
Competition in the text is described as a habit. The author explains that habit comes as a result of things that people get used to as from childhood in a regular manner and seeing and hearing it from others. Habit can hardly be let go as it becomes part of an individual due to doing it over and over again. The author says that habit can hardly die meaning it is not easy to stop. Habits are also likely to be learned from others. Most people will solve conflicts as to how they saw people solve them as they grew up and adopt the same as a habit.
Independence
From the example given by the author on independence, it clearly brings out conflict bring brought about as a result of one party being independent. This is where one believes in what they know and the decisions they make to be right than anyone else and no one can change that. They do not look into their responsibilities and other people’s responsibilities but consider their positions to make them powerful and at the same villains that want their desires accomplished at the expense of others. The text generally shows that independence could be a cause of conflict which comes out as one individual is selfish and wants things done in their way and in favor of them. It does not consider factors whether the opponent is right or not. For instance, the girl asking for the crayon each and every time shows independence that is selfish and could bring about the conflict.
Importance of recognition to human beings
Recognition gives an individual identity. It makes one feel their value and importance in their area of specialization or in what they do. Recognition increases the morale of an individual to give their best in there are of production and make an increase in productivity. It also brings about improvement in what a person does they will tend to do it better over the recognition so as it may not fade away. It builds the confidence of an individual as they feel respected and honored by people surrounding them.
Identity needs
Identity needs are what individuals get from whom they are perceived to be. The first one is an opportunity to be independent and proof of independence. This is where one acts to be all-powerful and could be given the character of the villain. One becomes problematic and wants everything to be done in their way or rather if a problem is to be solved, they should come out the winners. The second is the feeling of belonging. This is involving yourself as part of a group. They do not work on their own and would want to work entirely as a team even during conflicts. In conflicts, they gang up against the villains to defend themselves as they are many and can easily talk as they know they have back up. Hence the sense of belonging. Finally, is attention where people surrounding the individual get to stop what they are doing or everyone has to know what he or she are involved in. people would come up with conflicts so as to gather up attention all around them over the matter of conflict.
Someone becoming defensive
Becoming defensive is when one has actually done a mistake but they have to justify themselves or make everyone feel that what he or she did was for a good course and it was not wrong. Mainly one escapes from the mistake they have done. In this case is the cause of the conflict. One may become defensive by not listening and talking all through. One does not give the chance for others to give their side of the story and will try and talk more of what they did and did not to prove they are not in any side of the conflict. One becomes so personal and only talks about what they did on their own even if they were with someone else or were part of a certain group. One does not give space for criticism. One does not give room for other people to give a response to what they say or even give their view on what the individual has done. A defensive person generally wants to be listened to and forces people to believe in what they are saying and only them. They can also be described as independent as they only want what they say to be it and nothing else.
Conflict as its own reward
Conflict is its own reward for individuals that need attention and seek something out of the conflict. For instance, from the text the works that are rarely given attention in the company. Once they create conflict even over nothing, it comes with a handful of attention not only from the management but also from the fellow employees. If the conflict is over an issue and would be solved in favor of what they wanted it would also be a reward from conflict. It creates an opportunity to get the feeling of independence, sense of belonging and the attention. Hence, conflict is a reward in its own so long as one is on the winning team.
Theory to practice page 20
An instance of an event when we were a group and had to make a decision on what way to follow between two so as to get to our destination. So, a colleague suggests we go west to get to a horse show and I suggest we go east and insist it is the best. I get so better over the issue and insist that it really has to be the east that we follow. I don’t say much more to the person that opposes my suggestion. Over this issue, it was not necessarily that we get into the conflict because either way the distance was similar and would both lead us to the same destination. The main issue is that I wanted to get there faster because driving makes me extremely anxious and it is very hard for me to sit long. But I wasn’t going to share that information because it is a professional setting. The theme of the conflict would be independence bringing about the conflict.
Chapter three
Importance of perspective in conflict
Perspective is very important in a conflict as it is a platform where everyone is given a chance to speak out their opinion and what they know on the matter. Perspective is important as it lowers the chance of anyone having self-esteem problem as there are people to listen to them. Secondly, it creates an opportunity to get into detail on exactly what transpired for there to be a conflict. This is because everyone involved in the conflict is given a chance to speak out and then everyone’s say is weighed so as to come to a conclusion on how to solve the conflict. Perspective creates an opportunity to calm the conflict for some time and the order is created as everyone explains themselves. It creates an opportunity to solve the problem. Perspective also is a better method of conflict resolution as the people involved get to listen to each other and understand why someone did or said something. This is important as at the end of the resolution the relationship will be back as each would have understood the other.
Difference between identifying and understanding the conflict
Identifying conflict
Identifying conflict is when one realizes exactly what the matter is that has brought about the conflict. That is what exactly the conflict is. For instance, if there are two people in agreement and have gone silent on each other, probably on an issue like both of them wanted to sit on a certain chair. The conflict there is the two fighting over the chair. There are questions that one requires to ask so as to identify the conflict. First, why are the two not talking to each other? This already would be a realization that there is a conflict between the two. Second, why are they crumbling over the seat? Meaning that the seat is the center of the conflict. Identifying conflict can easily be done through observation and listening in case the issue at hand is verbal.
Understanding conflict
Understanding conflict is getting to the basis of every detail on exactly what happened and the cause of the conflict. In understanding is when perspective comes in place where one has to listen to everyone so as to get to the roots of exactly what transpired. For instance, if two people are fighting A and B, you listen to both A and B to know the reason for their fight. Understanding requires more of listening to both parties.
Why judge after understanding
It is important to judge the conflict after understanding as there is usually fairness in the judgment. This is because one has listened to either sides or all participants of the conflict and will know where the problem started and how to solve it. It reduces any chances of corruption especially if one side is weak and cannot defend themselves since the other is more powerful. When one has understood the conflict, they are able to know the best method to use in solving the conflict depending on what had happened.
Unmet need as a theme in conflict
Unmet need is an expectation that one has that has not been fulfilled. This in relation to the conflict would happen if an individual expected another to do something but it was not done to the standards that they required or was not done at all. This would create conflict. For example, a manager of a company enquires the accountant about the books of account and requests that they are needed for an annual general meeting in a month’s time but on the day that the manager asks for it, it is not available. The manager would have an unmet need which is the books of account and there would be a conflict between the manager and the accountant. Hence unmet needs would cause conflict.
Internal conflict
Internal conflict is when an individual is fighting against his own problems majorly emotional. The individual becomes inquisitive of things that have happened to them, for instance, a broken relationship or abandonment. Those not accepting the problems they have faced and moving on can be referred to as internal conflict. For instance, if a child is abandoned by the parents as they grow up and the child gets to adulthood, the individual thinking and question themselves on why they were abandoned and getting depressed about it is referred to as internal conflict. They cannot let go of the feeling of being abandoned.
Interpersonal conflict
Interpersonal conflict is when a group of individuals combines efforts to stop the achievements of an individual. This could happen for example in a company where on well-performing employee’s needs to be promoted to a higher position. There could be chances of other employees not liking the individual and hence they combine efforts to ensure that the person is not promoted. This could be through the behavior of the group where they physically harass the individual by maybe hiding his documents and messing up his work. There could also be cognitively where the group decides not to support any of the ideas that the individual brings to the table to be worked on. Finally, is the effective component where there is an argument between colleagues leading to stress which pulls one back from achieving their goals.
The conflict being a play
The author describes the conflict as being a play as there is too much drama that takes place and there are many characters involved. In a play, there are usually characters where each has a role to play and there is a theme to which he or she gets his or her characters from. Same case in a conflict there are characters such as the victim, hero and the villain each with a role to play and having the theme of the conflict.
Reactions of an addict to conflict
An addict to conflict will always talk a lot during the conflict and is most likely to be the villain in the conflict. They are usually powerful as they are used to defending themselves on arising conflicts. They do not accept defeat in most cases and may want to have listened to more on how to solve the conflict too.
Chapter four
Conflict and resolving
An incidence occurs when my mom and dad get into an agreement and for some time go silent on each other. We had visited dad’s mom on the previous visit and now we were supposed to go to mom’s place this time around but dad refuses and says that we have to go to their place because he says so and he is the head. We all know that we truly should go to mom’s place and even dad knows. However, he would want to feel independent on him being the head and what he says it so shall be.
The second instance is on the interpersonal conflict on effective impact. It happens that I and my colleague are in a conflict after I pour a cup of coffee coincidentally as we go past each other. She throws harsh words at me and I feel bad about. Being close to her and being partners on a project I had invented that would lead to my promotion, it gets hard for me as I cannot work on my own. I get under stress and can no longer concentrate on the project. This then leads to a downfall on my project and the promotion.
The third instance is when my manager when I was at the hospital requires that there should be a summary of the project that had been proposed for that year within a the next few days. It happens that there is too much workload and by the time is given I was not done with the summary. My manager got mad at me and we had an unmet need for conflict.
On the first incidence, the person to resolve the conflict should listen to both perspectives of my dad and mom. During this moment, my dad would have calmed down and would be able to understand why the mother persisted that it was time to go to their place. Mother would also get the chance to understand father too.
In the second instance, I should be able to apologize to my colleague. Going silent on her does not help and she loses nothing as it is not her project and she does not seek any promotion. I should have apologized and given her time to calm down and then go talk to her.
In the third instance, communication is key. I was supposed to communicate on a delay of the requirement to the manager instead of disappointing him on the due date. That would have helped in finding another way out rather than the due date (Harper, 2004).