Arranged marriages are not a common thing people come across when living and growing up in western countries. The way partners for a marriage are selected have changed and varied across time. With modernisation, westernisation, arranged marriages are increasingly replaced by self- determination, self fulfilment or the so-called “love marriages”, where people alone get to choose whom to marry, mostly out of love for a person. However this does not mean that arranged marriages do not exist anymore. To understand arranged marriages, one has to know that there are many kinds. Arranged exogamous marriage is when a third party, most common being parents, chooses a bride or groom out of their social groups. This creates political, economic and social alliances between two different groups, that might have been uneasy before. Another marriage would be the endogamous marriage, where a third party chooses a bride or groom within a specific social group. This might be within the same class, religion, nationality or race. A type of endogamous marriage is the consanguineous marriage. This is a marriage where the bride and groom share a close relative. Most common consanguineous marriages are with first cousins or uncles and nieces. In most of Europe consanguineous marriages are against the law. In the United Kingdom uncle-niece marriages are illegal, but first cousin marriages are allowed. What most people forget, is that there is a difference between arranged- and forced marriages. In an arranged marriage, the bride and groom have the right to consent to the marriage, whereas if not it is labelled as a forced marriage. Forced marriages and the associated rights, will not be part of this essay. In this essay I would like to discuss whether or not arranged marriages are becoming a thing of the past or are still a common tradition within various cultures, by addressing arranged marriage cultures within the Islamic, Oriental and Indian culture.
To begin with the topic of arranged marriage in the Islamic culture, one should know that the Islam is a growing religion with nearly 1 billion Muslims, therefore the second largest religion in the world, only overtaken by the Christian religion (Rasheed et al. 2004). Arranged marriages are the most common types of marriages for many muslims across the world (Zuberi 2011).
In Zuberi’s article, she discusses that arranged marriages should not be confused with forced marriages. Since most Muslims do not “date” like in the western culture, many families look to arranged marriages to fulfil the need to find a partner. It is believed, that a “seed for love” is planted and will continue to grow after the marriage. In those arranged marriages, families decide together as a group, who the potential spouse should be, so that the couple will have a fulfilled life together. Zuberi also mentions, that couples do not see themselves as just them two, but rather their relationship being something bigger connecting two families. She states that her cousin has had a fully arranged marriage, meaning she did not meet her husband until the day they were married. She claims that they are one of the happiest couples she knows. However she decided to take a different route, and married her college love, but with consent of her parents. Zuberi shows that forced marriages are not seen as the rightful way to marry. Marriage in Islam requires proposal and acceptance, which is completely violated in the case of forced marriages. It is Islamic law that prohibits anyone at any age to marrying against his/her will. Families resort to threatening, blackmailing and bribing the other party into a marriage. This marriage is then entirely forced, and held against will and without consent.
Furthermore to be mentioned is Polygamy that can result of arranged marriages. Polygamy is defined by the Oxford dictionary as “The practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time”. In traditional islamic law in contradiction to western jurisdiction polygamy is allowed and accepted, but recent years have shown that muslim societies have started to restrict the practice of polygamy (Hinchcliffe et al. 1978). Research findings have indicated that polygamy among Muslim Americans and abuse can sometimes be more than correlated to each other (Hassouneh-Phillips 2001). Hassouneh-Phillips found that abuse and unequal treatment was reported more often when in a polygamous relationship. However most of the women questioned did not feel the need to leave the marriage, because it keeps their families together, which is often regarded as more important.
Interesting to look at is the marriage market in Japan called the Omiai. As explained in the article: “Omiai: The Culture of Arranged Marriage in Japan” by Fasai, the Omiai is a modern marriage market that helps find a suitable partner for someone. Different to other cultures where parents search for the ideal groom, Japanese parents are able to take their children to the marriage market, where professional marriage brokers pick out an ideal partner for them. Omiai means “see-meeting”, indicating that there is a period of time where bride and groom can get to know each other, mostly in the course over a few months. In the first meeting parents mostly accompany their children, due to family being very important in the Japanese culture. Most young adults that chose to take the Omiai way say that it benefits them in many ways. Some simply do not have the time to go out looking for a marriage partner, due to their careers (Yoshida 1990). Others say, that Japanese adults are not good in approaching a suitable partner (Yoshida 1990). Furthermore it should be said that there is a certain amount of pressure on young adults, that results them in having to seek arranged marriages. In order to be perceived as a full adult one has to marry. The age for women is between 22 and 25, and the age for men is between 26-30 (Applbaum 1995). Women who remain unmarried past the given age, are treated unfairly and becoming less wanted the older they get. A men who is unmarried after the age of 30 is seen as untrustworthy thus creating for both men and women pressure to seek a marriage as soon as possible (Applbaum 1995).
Modern China however, has moved away from arranged marriages after Chinese Communists came to national power in 1949 (Xiaohe et al. 1990) and promoted the freedom of mate choice. The marriage is supposed to be willing by both parties without compulsion or interference by any third party. In spite of that, marriages markets do exist in China. The most popular marriage market is the marriage market in Shanghai. In an article by Huffington Post it is described how this market can be seen as the real life “Tinder”. It runs for five hours each weekend afternoon, and attracts many families that seek a relationship for their child. This can somewhat be seen as an arranged marriage by parents, however potential partners have more say in whom to date and whom not to date than in an arranged marriage.
India also has a long history of arranged marriages. 88.5% of the marriages in India are arranged. As with other cultures already mentioned, families choose a suitable partner for their child. The process of the Indian arranged marriages can take up a vast amount of time. As elaborated in a Cultural India article this process may take months but also years. Once a suitable match is found the elders of the family meet up to judge financial and cultural stands of one another. The Criteria for a suitable match is high and listed as following: Religion is very important, meaning that both parties should follow the same religion. Profession is very important, mostly only for the female side, to see whether or not the partner has a stable job and income to support his future family. Physical appearance plays a rather important role as well. Partners prefer their future wives to be fair-skinned and efficient in domestic chores. At last important for the finalising of a marriage agreement is the horoscope. In India, most people believe that the horoscope is a key to important life events.
To conclude, one can say that arranged marriages relate heavily to one’s obligations to the immediate and extended family, and that this has more priority than self-interest, -determination, -fulfilment or actual love. Arranged marriages are definitely not a thing of the past, even with westernisation in the rising. One may believe that arranged marriages are uncommon and rare, but this only depends on where you are from and where you grew up. Growing up in a western society can result in someone not knowing anyone who is in an arranged marriage. But growing up somewhere else could mean that arranged marriages are the norm. I believe that arranged marriages are not a bad thing, if completely voluntary and in accordance with human rights law. It can help people, who have difficulties approaching others, find someone to spend the rest of their life with. However if arranged marriage tend to be forced in any way this should definitely not be allowed nor supported.