Essay: Embracing My Sin

I believe that all African Americans are created equal regardless of the color of their skin. At a young age, my mom instilled the idea that God created all humans the same. I’m constantly reminded of the scripture saying that humans are created in the image of God. This makes no sense when African Americans are seen as a sin in the image of God’s people. Slave masters used religion to justify their brutal actions against slaves so it wouldn’t seem as unjust. The whip isn’t present but the scars are still left on my black skin. I remember being 6 years old, and my mother explaining to me that because I was black I wouldn’t receive the same privileges or sometimes that I’d be hated due to my skin color. I even remember having dreams of myself being hung or lynched in KKK assemblies. At times, I would fear even going to sleep because it all felt so real. I’ve concluded that all African Americans are created equal, regardless of race, hatred, but racism specifically towards African Americans, will never end.
Race is a political construct that was created to start division and have superiority over a nation or culture. Race was used to divide and conquer people in inferior societies. When images of the riots danced across my screen, and the Mike Brown shooting happened, my whole perspective towards white people and cops changed from leaders to killers. Now, every day, I walk or drive around the city of St. Louis fearfully. The white kids don’t understand or know the fear of being pulled over by a white man. Every sudden move I make can cause me to possibly lose my life. I mentally prepare myself, everyday praying to God for protection. No one understands the fear my mom has for my life because she thinks I could be another Trayvon Martin. Trayvon Martin, Florida resident, was killed while walking home from the corner store. Every time I go to places with cops, I try to talk more proper than white people, and I try to be on my best behavior. I have dreams of my body and slaves’ bodies lying on the ground because someone from a hate group has attacked me. I don’t know if God is sending me a warning or a message but I am tired of being scared. Sometimes I wonder if God is white and that is why white supremacists use religion as a mantle for hate against black people. I know that God cannot be white, however, because Jesus lived in the Middle East, which means God has to have some color to his skin. Slavery happened over 100 years ago, and I feel like even though we are not beaten or treated in that extreme manner, the way we are seen and discriminated against is still prevalent. Maybe that’s the message God sending. How could the creator if the universe creates evil people with massive influence? I walk around trying to love everyone but yet I question my love for white people. I know that not all white people are racist; however, I believe racism lies in them. When I was little, I remember being called a nxxxxx when I was playing basketball. I felt like there was a need to please white people. How could God’s children judge me when the bible says judgement is a sin? I hate I felt the need for acceptance from white people. Maybe this was the goal of racism and segregation originally, which is to break the African Americans so that their mind will feel as if their alone due to the absence of an eternal God.
African Americans in the world are equal despite the color of their skin. I believe once humans realize that no race is superior and that we should instead unite at one, then racism, hatred, discrimination, and stereotyping will be nonexistent. But I believe that no one will ever understand what it feels like to be a black, or better yet a black man in America.