In this essay I will be discussing the subject on grief and loss. I will be researching into theorists such as Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, five stages of grief model and William Wordon’s four tasks of grieving theory.
For the cause of this essay I will be using personal experience from my workplace and for confidential purposes I will be keeping the resident anonymous. I will be researching into two different organisations (a hospital and residential home) and studying the policies and procedures concerned with death, additionally I will be exploring religion and traditions concerning death.
According to (Axelrod, 2014) Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief was initially outlined to support dying patients and to also help others involved with the individual cope through this transition.
The five stages of the model are as follows, denial (a defence mechanism we all have when dealing with a traumatic change/ event), anger (one of the many emotions individuals display when dealing with emotional upset),
bargaining (individuals often feel powerless because of the things they didn’t do and what they should have done for that individual),
depression (this shows that the person has started to deal with the acceptance of the death and departure of their loved family member. The individual may feel strong feeling of sadness, regret and fear) and acceptance (this stage shows emotional detachment. Also the person going through this can enter this stage well before the people they leave behind).
Furthermore (Mann, 2015) explains James William Worden outlines grief as a four task model. The first of these tasks is acceptance, which is similar to Kubler-Ross, Wordon’s way of explaining this is by highlighting feelings (such as denial) are over powering and people need help to overcome this to move on.
Task two is stated as, experiencing the pain of grief; through this task you will experience a range of emotions and that there is no time frame to work through these. Adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing, this third task can take a prolonged period of time and often involves taking on new roles (roles that the deceased was responsible for), this task can often be the most difficult especially if the loss is a spouse.
The final task of Wordon’s model is, withdrawing emotional energy and reinvesting it in another relationship; this often is establishing a link with the deceased but also being able to move on with your life, this last task can be the most difficult for people to accomplish.
Worden also explains that you do not need to complete any of these tasks in order (for example, you may be experience task three before you fully complete task two as you may have a family to take care of), or you cannot re visit them, as when grieving this can often happen.
Many different events in life can cause grief. But the most in which I think can have a massive impact on individuals is death itself, more so the death of someone who is very close to you.
For example once hearing the news about either your mother or father being in a serious accident and they have died, a child’s natural reaction is to believe that what they are hearing is not true (denial the first stage of Kubler-Ross’s grief model), you would also then feel distressed and could vent your frustrations out on your family, friends or even the deceased themselves (anger- the second stage).
Throughout my working practice I have had to help residents and their families through one of the most distressing periods in a person’s life, the end of life. When I was supporting one of my residents through this transition one of her daughters frequently came in to visit her.
Near to the end of her mother’s life she and I had a conversation about her and her mother’s relationship, she explained that with her mother’s progressive illness (Alzheimer’s disease) she had long ago accepted that the woman who was in front of her was no longer her mother; this is consistent with William Worden’s fourth task and that she had accepted this transition of her mother. However she told me that she still loves her mother but that it was different, you could see that she was still grieving as she often cried, but she said herself that she still could not accept that this really was the end (task two; experiencing the pain of grief).
Going through a grieving process does not necessarily apply to death itself. For instance, upon hearing the news of you losing your job you sit and think to yourself that what your hearing isn’t true, that in fact they may be talking about someone else; Kubler-ross’s first stage. You then experience anger and think that in fact this isn’t your fault and you blame your colleague, (second stage), some people may think “oh dear god, why me?” (Third stage). Afterward it has hit home that they have no job, no source of income and will have magnified feelings of, for example, failure (fourth stage).
Soon after they have dealt with the event of losing their job they have now got to pick themselves back up and to apply for a new job; this demonstrates Kubler-ross’s final stage as this shows emotional detachment from their previous job and have moved on.
I have suffered the loss of my Mother through an illness. I was raised by my Father and eldest sister, and in most recent years my step-mother. From a young age I had developed the sense of acceptance that my mother would never get better from her illness (William Worden’s task one) as my father had exhausted all means of support for her. When I was a child I (and still to this day) have strong feelings of emptiness and sadness due to her absence (task two). From early years in my childhood I had to help, along with my sisters, cater to the role of my mother, such chores would include doing the washing up, cleaning the bathroom and doing the hoovering (task three).
When my Father finally met my step-mother I was very cautious at first but after a few years of my Fathers and her relationship I had grown quite fond of her and she became a part and major influence in my life; here is task four explained as I have emotionally detached myself form my mother, I have invested that energy in to another relationship.
There are many social service providers where death can occur, one of the most profound would be in a hospital. For example in any ward in a hospital where an individual has passed on, a member of the medical staff needs to state life is inexistent and contact a General Practitioner (GP) and they would provide as this is required before you contact a funeral director and document it in a medical record, they would also need to contact relevant others involved with that individual for example, their family, doctor and other involved professionals.
Additionally, members of medical staff would also be expected to wash and dress the individual and perform any other rituals for example leaving the bible open beside an open window at verse 1 Thessalonians 4:14-17 and also contact a funeral director. (Palliative Care for Health Professionals, 1)
Another social care setting that death entails to the service regularly is residential care homes for older adults, which is also my place of work. During the time of death the nurse who’s on duty will examine the body and determine if there is no life in the individual and will proceed to contact a GP to certify the death and then contact the families and funeral directors (similar to procedures in the hospital). (Policies and Procedures, n.d.)
In comparison to the procedures in a hospital care homes follow the same but on their own company policy and follow the care plan of the resident, in the care plan will have a section on what the individual wants in the event of their death for example what they want to wear and if they have any religious beliefs.
As a professional these could be difficult times to deal with but you have to deal with the current events. To help the individual who has passed away and to their families and co-workers you could benefit them by helping filling in their paperwork relating to their death if within your job role or some family members find it unbearable to pack the belongings of the deceased so it might be beneficial to them if you carry out this task.
During the time where a loved one passes what their family experiences and feels could be the hardest time of their life, you should be trying to support them and offer them knowledge if they want and listen to what the members of family are saying to you and also speaking in a calm tone will help keep individuals, or even set up a room where they could go into during this time.
Many individuals find death one of the hardest events to come to terms with in life, there are many agencies in the different sectors of care that provide additional support to people who are not managing to cope with the loss of their loved one.
In the statutory sector one strategy would be to make an appointment see your GP they would refer you to a counsellor or give you access to informative websites and even in some cases provide medication if appropriate. (Dealing with Loss, 2014)
Secondly you could visit a private psychiatrist, however this service is usually very expensive but also don’t have long waiting lists (in comparison to services provided by the NHS) and so could gain access quicker.
There are also voluntary agencies such as COSCA (counselling and psychotherapy in Scotland) offers a range of counselling services available in relation to finding information on effective counselling that’s right for you and they will contact other relevant professionals to meet your needs. (COSCA, n.d.)
Lastly when working with the aspect of end of life care as a worker you need to understand that not only this time period is hard for families but it can also be hard for your co-workers. Personally in my place of work if an individual of the workforce is struggling to cope with a death within the home or even if it’s one of their family members there are always support networks within the work, as you would usually discuss your problems with the Care Co-Ordinator if you feel you are struggling.
Over the past century or so the management, cultural attitudes and the process of grieving have changed. According to Professor Richard J Evans in the Victorian times deaths and funerals were very dark and ghoulish. In the 19th Century a traditional funeral would consist of the deceased being held in a strong wooden coffin, carted in a black carriage towed by black horses and the grievers who were usually fully dressed in black, would follow the coach to the ceremony of the funeral. Additionally Richard J Evans explains that the grieving process in the Victorian era was that if your spouse or close family member passed away it was in the culture to wear black for two years, after this phase of grieving the individuals would proceed to wear grey or lavender for 6 months.
In the 21st Century death is more perceived to be a celebration of life and that modern society has moved away from the idea that death is to be a dark time. To present day many individuals plan their funerals ahead of their time, from personal experience when I attended my grandfather’s funeral you were not to wear all black as he wanted to celebrate his life rather than his death. In relation to my personal experience, (All media scotland , 2015) states there has been an increase in bright clothes being worn to funerals and there has been a rise in having no religion present also many do not have a funeral in a church.
Funeral traditions vary widely in different religions. In Judaism once the individual has died their funeral is most likely to be held that day, the funerals are traditionally held in a synagogue or temple (a place of religious worship) and it is normal for people to speak during these ceremony’s for example a Rabbi (a Jewish religious leader). When the ceremony comes to an end it is custom for each individual to help fill the grave as this suggests closure. Mourning in Judaism is connected with a period of time and celebrations and other social get together’s must not be attended and other acts such as not washing or wearing jewellery are also affected.
In Hinduism the rituals performed for the deceased may differ as the funeral depends on which social group you are part of, status and location. However these may differ there are generally four stages of ritual for the deceased and the first one is the ritual for example, cleansing (where water is sprinkled on the body), is performed while the dead is dying. The second step is rituals carried out for when the deceased is dead such rituals are putting pindas (rice balls) in the deceased’s coffin, the third step is performing rituals this is usually followed out by the deceased being cremated as this allows the spirit reach their ancestors and lastly the last ritual is in honour of their ancestors. Usually in Hinduism these acts are performed throughout a ten to eleven day period as it is believed that it takes this amount of time for the soul to cross over to their ancestors.
However in Buddhism, death is the carriage to cross over to the next life and be reborn into another being, the energy that the deceased gathers throughout their life span is now triggered and is used to form the rebirth; this is one of the major concepts of Buddhism and shows the teachings of impermanence. The Urban dharma website explains the ritual Buddhists practice is that the monks (spiritual men or sometimes leader) would all gather round the deceased and chant hymns from the Buddhist scripture and this should be the last thing a monk hears on his death bed.
The belief and ritual which surrounds Islam has factors in common as that of Hinduism and Judaism. Such factors would consist of how the body is cleansed an wrapped and placed in a coffin (sans casket) whilst religious men (Muslims) say a prayer for the deceased parting this world, while the funeral takes place it is also custom that only men are allowed onto the burial ground from where the deceased lies.
Wicca or Pagan witchcraft tradition according to the BBC website, Wicca has a similar belief towards death as Buddhism however the point of reincarnation (rebirth) is to live life over and over again until all the knowledge has been taken in and only then will your spirit enter the realm called ‘the land of youth’. During death the deceased is wrapped in cloth (also similar to the religions stated above) while the priest and others chant hymns associated with death, then a candle is lit in remembrance to the deceased and then placed in a grave, often the body is not placed in a coffin as this creates a barrier for reincarnation.
A non-religious response to death is that involving Humanism, where the ceremony looks at the individual’s life as a reflection and it creates a place for people to support one another through this time, there would often be a eulogy taken place and you are allowed to play any music of the deceased choice. New ageism is also a non-religious custom to death as similar to other religions they believe that the body and soul will be reincarnated into the next life and that death should not be seen as an end but as a stepping stone for the next life.