Masculinity has always been prominent in our society. Most of us can think of characteristics or traits that relate to masculinity. When someone tells you to “act like a man” or to “man up” it means that you shouldn’t cry, be scared, act tough, and so on. This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff is a memoir all about a boy’s struggle trying to become a man and falling to the ideals of what a man is supposed to be. Men just like women have to conform to society’s ideas about how a man is supposed to look like or act. The myths of gender, most importantly the myth of masculinity is prominent in the memoir by Jack’s struggle to find himself and trying to prove himself to all of the men that are in his life.
Wolff’s memoir is all about how men were perceived and how that attributed to what is known as masculinity today. Men have always had to embrace their masculinity by acting in certain ways. The myths of gender have contributed to what masculinity is supposed to be. An example of someone who proved to be what a man was supposed to be was Roy. Jack referred to Roy as “…handsome in the conventional way that appeals to boys” (14). In Jack’s terms, he was the spitting image of what a man was. Everything about him was something that boys fawned to be. Another instance is when Jack’s mom, Rosemary, also views him like that. “ I thought Roy was what a man should be. My mother must have thought so too, once”(14). Most of the men in this story are the epitome of what a man is supposed to be according to the myths of gender. Kenneth is another reflection just like how Jack describes him “Kenneth was ambitious. On the other hand, nobody liked him” (146). When a man is ambitious and does things for himself it seems to excuse all of the other bad qualities about him. It makes others view him as someone to look up to because he knows what he wants and he will do anything to get it. In Norma’s case, she would rather be financially stable than being happy with Bobby Crow even though he didn’t provide like how Kenneth did. Most of these men are just very superficial but their attitudes were as ugly as they could possibly be.
Men think of excuses as unmanly but why? It could perhaps be that they are seen as something that women tend to use. Jack is also someone who feels like he doesn’t need to give an excuse because then that makes him see himself as something less. Men want to be as upfront as they possibly can. Almost like he can’t see his actions as how they are. Jack refers to how “ I believed that there was no difference between explanations and excuses and that excuses were unmanly. So were feelings, especially complicated feelings”(247). According to the myths of gender, men aren’t supposed to have feelings at all. The only feelings that are allowed are to be angry, and well that’s pretty much it. Men have always had trouble showing their emotions in fear of being called something like a “sissy”. Something else that men/boys (especially pre-teen boys) really struggle is being compared to a girl/woman. In Jack’s case someone who had the same name as him “ A girl named Toby had joined my class before I left Florida, and this had caused both of us scalding humiliation”(8). Men see themselves as these strong all-mighty beings and when they are compared to a woman, who is typically seen as a weaker being, it hurts a man’s ego. Jack felt like if he changed his name, it would give him a tougher appearance in a way. When it comes to excuses, even though most men don’t like them, they will try to come up with something if it means trying to protect their ego, they will. Dwight is someone who does this frequently “ He claimed that the Remington target rifle he’d bought was imperfectly balanced. He bought another, and when that also proved defective he bought a third” (130). When a man goes against a woman in a predominantly male activity and loses, they try to come up with some kind of logic about how they could have won if it wasn’t for x,y,z reason.
Masculinity is something that a boy or man feels like needs to be proven so that others will view them with an almost “god-like” perception. The myth of gender has given both genders roles that they have to follow. Just like how women should act or look, it’s the same for men. An example of this is when Jack refers to “ I still felt bad about being afraid of the beaver, and I didn’t want to get in more trouble” (89). This contributes to the idea of how men aren’t supposed to be scared of anything. They are “supposed” to be the ones who are brave and just face situations like that head-on. When men are scared, other men are usually there to make fun of them and strip them of their manhood. Another example is when a man demeans or makes fun of another man by calling them something insulting. “And at that moment it came to me that although everyone referred to Arthur as a sissy, I had never heard anyone actually use the word in front of him”(109). This is just another example of demeaning a man by calling him something that references to women. The myths of gender also explain how men are supposed to be seen as aggressive and trying to pick fights. Most men are taught how to fight by having father figures teach them how to defend themselves and how to win a fight. Dwight even though he was a poor father figure to Jack when he had just had his first fight was a representation of that. “ He taught me how to stand and shuffle my feet and guard myself. He showed me how to throw a punch…”(114). Boys are taught how to behave and act especially with harder forms of discipline. An idea could be that there has to be a man in a household to teach the boys how to act because when a woman is the only one in the picture, people tend to view it as something bad. It’s something like the term “momma’s boy”.
Jack throughout the memoir is someone who can’t seem to grasp the idea of what a man is supposed to be. He does many things that would be seen as taboo in a sense. Typical gender roles for men would be something like don’t show emotion, be fearless, play with women, etc… Jack recalled “ One night he kissed me, or I kissed him, or we kissed each other” (159). Back in those times men couldn’t be seen or feel like they could have feelings for another man. This is the opposite of what the myth of gender roles states. It’s obvious that they would try to dismiss what happened to them by playing it off and in their case, they become hostile towards each other. They just tended to play rougher because they felt like they had become closer. Jack tends to disprove some of the things that the myths of gender states. Jack refers to something that his friends did “ When they found a new one they shared her. They tried to fix me up with some of them, but I always backed out” (187). Men usually would jump at the opportunity if they were offered a girl but why did Jack not want to be like the others? Jack answered the question with this “And I didn’t want it to be like that, squalid and public, with a stranger. I wanted it to be with the girl I loved”(187). When a boy has feelings for a woman and other boys find out, they are usually said to be “whipped” and made fun of.
The cultural myth of gender, specifically masculinity is represented through Wolff’s memoir by the idea of how men are supposed to look and act like. Jack’s struggle with trying to find himself didn’t help as he was surrounded by these figures in his life that tries to sculpt him into something that was like them. Men especially boys feel like they constantly have to be proving themselves to other men. The ideas of the myths of gender are toxic in one's upbringing. Jack felt like changing his name and by moving frequently would help him build his persona and be able to present it to others proudly. Men are taught how to act from a very young age by introducing them to things like cars and guns. Wolff’s memoir is something that many boys struggle with when they are growing up. According to the myth, men are supposed to be adventurous, tough, don’t cry, among many other attributes.
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