The future is a vague term; it can mean anywhere from 5 seconds from now to 50 years from now. The thought of it can bring about feelings ranging from excitement to happiness to fear. Regardless of the distance or undertaken feelings, however, the future is unknown. (That is, unknown to me.) There is One who knows my next step, my next year, my lifetime – because He planned it. He formed every detail of my life, every coincidental situation, every seemingly inconvenient moment. It has been masterfully placed on The Timeline, that, if left alone, will bring Him all the glory. Unfortunately, that’s usually not the case. We, as confident, self-seeking humans, mess with our own timelines. We believe that we know best and that we know where our future should take us. We convince ourselves that we have control and we feed ourselves lies, sugarcoated in cute Pinterest quotes about “finding your own destiny” and selfishness to “discover all that you can be.” This is so far from the truth, but we are desperate for power that we believe it.
I am just as guilty. The idea of being in control of your own destiny is inviting, empowering, and motivating. And I do believe that taking steps to better yourself is very important. The problem lies within the motivation behind the action.
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Our sense of control is false. We want so badly to be in control, but we are flawed, and we know it. I honestly don’t know anyone who would actually claim to be perfect, never having made a single mistake. I understand that those who don’t believe the Bible will not share this thought, but, if we were created by an omnipotent God, why would we not trust Him? If He can divide the oceans with His voice, shouldn’t He be able to handle your schedule? Why don’t we let Him? Why don’t I let Him?
This is one of my biggest struggles – letting go of the reins. (When I never really even had the reins to begin with.) It is so hard for me to admit that I need help. I have convinced myself that asking for help shows weakness. Not in relation to physical strength, but weakness in that I am not good enough. Beyond admitting that I can’t do something, asking for help means that I actually have to accept help when it’s given. I have to trust that someone else knows better than I, and that their thoughts and methods are better than mine. It’s all pride. Pride that we actually teach and encourage from a young age. No, we don’t straight-up tell children that they should be prideful. But it’s like some unspoken rule in our culture that if you don’t understand something or if you need help, then clearly you’re not good enough. We would rather struggle on our own than face the humiliation of asking someone else for help.
This is so wrong, and so backwards.
We have a Heavenly Father with all the answers. (Literally all the answers because He created everything we are questioning.) Who is the real fool? The one who pretends to know everything just to avoid submission, or the one who humbly asks for the answer?
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
What a beautiful promise we’re given in this scripture. But this promise must be taken in context. Jesus is not saying, “If you pray and ask God for a million dollars, He will give it to you.” It’s about desiring God. We are promised that seeking God – and His will – is never in vain. If you seek Him, He won’t avoid you; He WANTS to be found by you. Jesus continues to say,
“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:11
I don’t have children, so I can’t relate to the feeling of giving to your own kids. But, I do know the feeling that comes from giving to people in general. “It is better to give than to receive” is such a true statement. Inside of our hearts is the desire to give to others and to see them light up at a thoughtful surprise. If we, imperfect people, love blessing our loved ones, how much more does our Heavenly Father, the perfect creator, want to bless us? But we have to allow Him. Because He is perfect and His will is perfect, He cannot bless us when we are actively chasing things outside of His will. He wants to give us all the good things, but we have to ask. We need to submit ourselves to Him.
My mind is kind of wandering and I’m not really on the same train of thought that I originally started with.
Back to destiny, fate, the timeline.
I’m about to start my senior year of high school. Sometimes I feel old and reminiscent. Sometimes I feel painfully young and inexperienced. In this stage of life, there are two topics on conversation. Careers and college. Neither of which I am prepared for; nevertheless, they’re coming. College is coming quicker.
Some nights, I lay awake thinking about my future. I know that sounds so cliché, but it’s true. Unfortunately, this isn’t cute, “plan your dream wedding” thinking. This is stress, and “think of all the worst possible outcomes” thinking. I work myself up with all the ifs and maybes. I know in my heart that I’m not big enough to handle my own future, but my pride refuses to let me believe that anyone else is either, including God.
The way my school works, you choose a “career academy” your freshman year and take electives within that academy to prepare for a certain career field. So, from freshman year you had better have a pretty good idea of what career you want to pursue. I sometimes feel behind, thinking that I have limited myself to one career path through this.
However, I am constantly reminded, through the Bible and other people, that my future rests in God’s hands. He has a perfect time and place for every moment of my life. I’ve been praying that His will for me would be revealed. Really, I just want a big neon flashing sign that says “Maya, this is exactly what I want you to do for the rest of your life.” That hasn’t really popped up anywhere. Yet.
But, today has been strangely comforting. I recently read a section from the book My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers entitled “The Key To Missionary Devotion.”
*Side Note: No, I’m not about to say that I feel called to missions in a 3rd world country. Don’t worry, mom.*
The devotion referenced 3 John 7, which begins with “For His name’s sake they went forth…”
In this section, Chambers said “Our Lord has told us how Love to Him is to manifest itself… ‘identify yourself with My interests in other people, not, identify Me with your interests in other people’.” This has been running through my head since I read it. In church this morning, the service was dedicated to our missionaries in other countries, with testimonies from them. Once again, this is not the moment when I reveal that I have felt my life called to overseas missions. But, something else hit my heart.
I have been involved in animal “stuff” for pretty much my entire life. From volunteering with shelter animals to rehabilitating injured wildlife to, most recently, becoming involved in veterinary medicine, I have experienced a broad range of this field. Veterinary medicine in particular has struck an interest with me. I love it. I feel blessed to have found an activity that I enjoy, that I’m somewhat good at, that can become a lifelong career. The problem is, I love nearly every aspect of it. This field is too broad. Do I want to work with small or large animals? Do I want to specialize or work general practice? Do I want to become board certified? Do I want to own a private practice? Do I want to work in research or public health? I have no idea. I feel like I’m in a sea of opportunity but I’m drowning because I can’t pick one.
I want a career that I love, but I also want it to step in line with God’s will for my life. So often I, and many others, assume that those can’t mix. We assume that you can either follow your dreams OR follow God’s path. This morning it finally clicked – those can be the same thing. I have been trying to fit God into my plans. Like, okay God, give me this career and I will try to live as a witness in my chosen profession. Or, God, if you just let me have this awesome job, I promise to use it to glorify you. Yes, those are nice goals, but the motivation is wrong.
This is what clicked this morning:
I have been trying to align God’s interests with myself, trying to fit His will into my plans. But it needs to be the other way around. I must align myself with His interests and find myself in Him, because I am in Him – I’m His. My thoughts and my pride can’t change that, but they do get in the way of my obedience. I can’t truly fulfill all He has for me to do, and I can’t fully enjoy Him if I still think in the back of my mind that I know best.
All this being said: No, I don’t have exact plans for what I want to do. But I do know that it can’t be about me. I don’t want it to be a job; I want it to be ministry. I can’t give it purpose on my own. I don’t know if I want to work for a large specialty clinic or for a private general practice set-up. I don’t know if I want to treat large or small or mixed animals. I’m really not overly concerned with that anymore. I don’t know what my next steps will be, but I do know that He does because “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17
I don’t have to be afraid of the future.
I don’t know every little detail of what I want to do, but if it’s for Him, I know I’ll love it.