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Essay: The Dominant Fantasies of Love often contradict ‘reality’ (reflective)

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  • Subject area(s): Sociology essays
  • Reading time: 12 minutes
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  • Published: September 2, 2021*
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  • Words: 3,540 (approx)
  • Number of pages: 15 (approx)
  • Tags: Reflective essay examples
  • The Dominant Fantasies of Love often contradict ‘reality’ (reflective)
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Love can mean different things to different people, but many do not understand what love really means. Some believe in different ways of love from the way they live their life. Love is patient, love is kind, love is caring, but love is not abusive, love is not anger, love is not hurtful. To some, they believe that the love they received rather abusive or not, they believe that it is the love that they shall receive. Love can be shown in any relationship, having friends is an important aspect of love within any friendship. Without love for one another, it cannot be true. It needs to have that emotional connection in any friendship in order to make the relationship work, just like having a significant other.
Throughout the course, one theme prominent that stood out to the group was the theme of Dominant Fantasies of love/relationships in meaning to one could be the demonstration through the cultural meaning of what love is and how it can be powerful among one. The group collaborative research project and presentation is a demonstration through the cultural meaning of abusive and non-abusive love and relationships. The group thesis is, “The Dominant Fantasies of Love often contradict ‘reality’. Based on these assumptions, those in abusive relationships believe violent acts are committed through love. These beliefs can often lead to a never-ending cycle of hardships or abuse”(Latina et al.1). Throughout this project, the group highlights the contrasts and shows a comparison of abusive and non-abusive; friendships, significant others, and family relationships. Within the course discussions of Dominant Fantasies of love can be in the form of an action, an expression, or the thoughts that you feel for another person through ways that humans interconnect with one another. Love is shown through the actions of the individual that make them feel good about who they are with their significant other. Within the friend environment, many people want friends that are supportive and helpful that express a form of love that makes the friendship stronger. Friends are what hold everyone together on in both sides of the friendship is not showing love they could be ruining other relationships that were formed within the friend group formed. Friendships grow when the two people open up and share many experiences together that help the bond get stronger over time. When forming a relationship with friends there needs to be the aspect of love in one form as it will make the bond that much stronger and closer with them.

From the beginning of the process of the group project/presentation, I contributed my thoughts and ideas to come to the conclusion of our topic and how we wanted to portray our theme and present our project. We all came to the conclusion of projecting our theme of Dominant Fantasies of love through a court discussion between abusive and non-abusive love/relationships. We decided to critically reflect on issues and themes of the course that interest us which was the Dominant Fantasies of love, this related to us as we are going through the stages of discovering what love truly is about and life experiences in multiple ways. The Dominant Fantasies of love/relationships is discussed throughout the course not as love but as a dominant fantasy in which it is a fantasy of fantasies that an entire culture understands to be the “truth” about their experience. It is what the western culture understands love to be and takes the meaning and switches it to explain in a different meaning. I also contributed to the making of our thesis and taking all our ideas and forming it into what we concluded as the thesis to be. Continuing, I also came together with Leanora and Natasha as we decided to take the incentive to create a visual aid to support our presentation and help fellow classmates understand the extreme difference between abusive and non-abusive relationships and how a relationship does not only subject to a romantic relationship. Also how a loving relationship is not just a romantic relationship it can also mean a relationship between friends and family. I brought out ideas to get everyone on the same track and asked questions to understand more clearly as to what we will be arguing and how we would be presenting our topic. We compare and contrast the meaning and importance of abusive vs non-abusive relationships and the difference of actual vs non-actual love.

As the process began, I have begun to understand more into what I needed to conclude and argue the aspects of an actual friendship and what it should be about. The role I took on that helps support our group project/presentation about the Dominant Fantasies of Love/Relationships is the part of the actual loving friend. I define and support arguments of what a healthy loving friendship should consist of and how comparing to an abusive friendship that this is how an actual friendship should be like. With that being said, an actual loving friendship is a friendship that expresses and accepts the actions of others that are seen as loving someone for being supportive and caring of their successes and life’s accomplishments, staying loyal to those they care about and always have their back no matter what, and being dependable for them when they need you the most. Using three main arguments to come to the conclusion of a thesis, using my insight and relating my sources to create three arguments. An actual loving friend should have three main aspects such as, being a supportive friend, being loyal, and being dependable. Being a supportive friend consists of always being supportive of the accomplishments that they achieve throughout their life whether it be in school or in work you keep motivating them to keep working hard for the goals they wish to achieve for themselves. Being a loyal friend consists of always having their back when they need someone to stand up for them and express their true self to the ones that do not see them as the type of person that they really are. A loyal friend is always there for them and does not side with anyone else but the ones that mean the most to them. A dependable friend is someone that you can always go to for guidance and help. It is someone that you can always go to and be there for you when you need them the most and when you feel like you are alone with no one to turn to other than them. I can also relate these three qualities of a friend to a course theme of identity and how aspiring these three qualities can create an identity for one and how being an actual loving friend can create a positive identity for oneself. Comparing actual loving friendship to abusive friendship helped me understand the importance of having love throughout a friendship as well as having someone to rely on when I need them throughout the hard times life. An abusive friendship would see one person use all the help for their own self and not be of any help to the other individual when they need them the most.

My relation to the group thesis is how an actual loving friendship contrasts to an abusive relationship as being in a never-ending cycle of abuse leads one to believe that this is the love they think they deserve, but that mentality should not exist as an actual loving friendship does not have the same aspects of an abusive friendship. The Dominant Fantasies of Love speaks volumes as it comes to not always speaking of love. People believe or do not see the type of “love” they are receiving. They do not see the hidden hardships of that relationship, they think to believe this is how a friendship should be like. But rather than taking themselves out of that position and leaving the abuse they stay because they believe nothing will be better. But with a friend one should always be supportive, dependable, and being loyal to each other. My arguments and relation to the group thesis coincide with taking what the thesis is proving a using that to project an actual loving friendship and showing the differences to what it should be. An actual loving friendship should be one that expresses the favourable qualities that people want others to see when they are with them and around them. Focusing in on my part within my group is the focus on how friends can form actual love between one another. As friendships arise there can also be the an abusive friendship that takes place in multiple ways. Some of the ways that an abusive friendship can take place is by not standing up for your friend in various situations that goes against loyalty. They are not there when you need them or are not available to assist you to help you learn and succeed in life. An abusive friendship would outline that the person only calls upon you to help them and they do not want to share and have any memories or help from them. They take the one person for granted for all the qualities that they have to offer them.

Some issues and question that I came upon in pursuit of my research of developing arguments that coincide with an actual loving friendship is how to define what an actual loving friendship should consist of, another question that pondered my mind as I was developing my arguments is how to decide which 3 aspects of being an actual loving friendship which best aspects are top three to argue. I also would question how can you define what an actual loving friendship should be like if it could mean different things to others, but taking from what we are arguing about abusive and non-abusive relationships, it is easy to define what an actual loving friendship should consist of, I am living in very healthy relationships in all aspects especially friendship right now. I used my own personal experience to come to the conclusion of what three arguments I should address as these three are the most important to me when it comes to having in a friend and what I want to bring to the table to my friends. Connecting my personal experience helped me concluded my three arguments, help me create my thesis, and help answer my thoughts and questions I had while in pursuit in my research and contribution to the collaborative research project/presentation. Using the theme of identity that has been discussed in class it helped me examine and relate the course to my arguments and role in the project as being a friend helps create an identity for oneself. Identity is the main theme that shows everyone the “true” self that you put out for everyone to see the great qualities that you possess and want to share with the people around you.
Within my role of the presentation aspect of the collaborative research project my role as the lawyer arguing the side of the actual loving friend. My role consists of arguing aspects of what makes an actual loving friend be an actual loving friend. Some ways I will be examining the three aspects I have chosen to argue will be my own experiences of being in multiple friendships, and how each one has benefited me and helped me understand what true friendship should consist of. Also, using my own observations in how seeing different types of friendships throughout high school and how many of them actually made it into university/adulthood. Seeing my own brother and sisters friendships and how they lasted into adulthood, using their experiences as well and seeing what the three main aspects of what people would expect from their friends. Using these experiences and observations, it helps me discuss and argue my side of the report of Dominant Fantasies of love/relationships. This also helps me to relate my side to course themes/issues as friendship can relate to many themes and issues we have discussed. Without friendship and having a well rounded benefiting friend in your life it can become difficult to enjoy, bringing in how people and western culture believe what is “true” of friendship can relate to themes and issues we have discussed. We can relate my side of actual loving friendship to one theme that stands out most to me which would be the theme of identity, it can relate as being in a friendship, being a friend, and having friends create an identity for oneself. Identity can be based on how one is a friend, what types of friends and friendships one has created and can create either a negative or positive identity for oneself. Having good qualities that you show and express from oneself helps you have and share moments with friends that see you for the positive qualities that you have to offer.

In conclusion, my own experiences helped me create my three arguments of being a supportive friend, a loyal friend, and a dependable friend. I used my own experiences and observations and examining them to discover my role and help me to define what an actual loving friend should be like. Also, relating to themes and issues that we have come across in discussion throughout lectures and tutorials, relating to a major theme of identity and how being either a loving friend or an abusive friend can create an identity for one. These identities and themes help me create and express the qualities that one actual friend would show and possess the qualities that would make them viewed in the eyes of others and aspire them to be a better person themselves. These three arguments are essential qualities that one should have to ensure that a good bond is formed with you and your friends. These qualities are a few of many that make your friends apart of your life accomplishments and everything that makes you into the person that you are and the person that you become.

Blumstein, Philip, and Peter Kollock. “Personal Relationships.” Annual Reviews, Aug. 1988, www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.so.14.080188.002343.
Throughout this article the main themes that are highlighted within the text include the main ways that friendship is evident through the close personal relationships that form when two people get to know each other and how they start to form a friendship over time. My group is showing the importance of an actual loving relationship within people’s lives. I will be discussing the main parts of friendship that relates to the group project. In this article Dr Philip Blumstein and Dr Peter Kollock both express the importance on how friendships are formed and grown within groups and individuals. The two doctors focus on the relationships interactions and actions of the individual throughout the time period that they become friends and the steps that are associated with them. The doctors also focus on the close friendships that are formed between two individuals that reflect and show the more loving side that is not as intimate with another friendship. The two doctors advocate and illustrate a comparative approach to personal relationships in which theoretically crucial relationship types are used to illuminate important substantive questions. These doctors are also worldwide researchers that study the patterns and behaviours of close friendships and relationships between individuals. These two doctors came up with the four main steps that are related with any friendship within two individuals or a group and they are buildup, continuation, deterioration, and ending. Philip Blumstein works primarily with municipalities, private corporations, and businesses on corporate affairs, Alaska Native law issues, and mergers and acquisitions for the continued research and studies of relationships between individuals. Peter Kollock received his B.A. in 1982, M.A in 1984, and Ph.D. in 1990 from the department of sociology at the University of Washington and is working on research to find information on the build up of relationships. The intended audience that is focused in this discussion is adolescence as well as young adults that are focusing on the later stages of the young adulthood that are transcending into the mature loving phase. This will allow all these adolescents to see how they achieve a positive friendship that will have a good effect on the others around them as well not just ones that benefit their own personal cause. This intended audience is primarily focused on the adolescents in this particular stage in their life. I considered this material as it expresses the importance of friendship love and healthy aspect of having a friendship love, and the aspects a friend should possess. It engages with the focus and approach that I am taking in my research for the collaborative research project/presentation as my position is the stand of actual loving friendship and arguing the aspects of what an actual loving friend should aspire to be or have those qualities within them. This article connects with being supportive within a relationship and never giving up on the person that you care about as they are always going to be there for you. It addresses the theme of dependable and loyal as well as it focuses on a “true friend and the aspects that they should possess and show that are beneficial to not only that one person but to all the friends within the group. Using this article to help support and find more information upon my approach for my part in the research project and presentation as it relates directly and address my arguments and gives me more material to expand on my arguments for the presentation. Using these methods these will help create a loving healthy relationship that will make the connections with friends even better then it was before.

Cookerly, Dr. J. Richard. “Friendship Love And Its Extraordinary Importance.” What Is LOVE, Dr. Cookerly?, 2010, www.whatislovedrcookerly.com/2018/02/friendship-love-and-its-extraordinary_4.html.
Within this article, it begins to discuss themes and issues pertaining to my work and group project/presentation as it explains friendship love and its importance to have good loving friendships in good and bad times throughout life. Relating these important themes of friendship love to my part in our group project as presenting and arguing actual loving friendship. Dr. Cookerly explains as to how having a good friendship love saves lives, it is the most important type of love to have as you can rely on them for anything through good times and bad, in times where one find themselves more comfortable with friends rather than a family member and/or partner. A good loving friendship may be hard to come by but in the end, will help one through life. Dr. J. Richard Cookerly is the founder of the Love Skills Initiative, author of books on healthy love, and is a successful professional in the counseling and therapy world. He also is a worldwide researcher of healthy love and false love, and with solving love problems. He was an honored graduate professor, trainer, a clinical supervisor and senior consultant in his profession. He is a man who is broadly enriched in multiple fields of his professional and has been very successful throughout his lifetime. He creates a high level of authority for himself as he is very well rounded in his profession and has done multiple grand things in his lifetime to reach his career peak. The way the material is being presented within this reading is an article format, explaining the importance of friendship and loving friendships and how they benefit one’s life. The intended audience for Dr. Cookerly’s Friendship Love and its Extraordinary Importance, is suited for more of an older adolescence and adult audience as the article explains in depth the importance of friendship love and how it benefits oneself. It is suited for and older audience as it explains information and goes in depth of love and friendship which is seen as an older audience topic. I considered this material as it expresses the importance of friendship love and healthy aspect of having a friendship love, and the aspects a friend should possess. It engages with the focus and approach that I am taking in my research for the collaborative research project/presentation as my position is the stand of actual loving friendship and arguing the aspects of what an actual loving friend should aspire to be or have those qualities within them. It addresses the three arguments I address of being loyal, dependable, and supportive and how all three of these qualities create an actual love friend and friendship and how important these three qualities and much more create a healthier friend and friendship. Using this article to help support and find more information upon my approach for my part in the research project and presentation as it relates directly and address my arguments and gives me more material to expand on my arguments for the presentation.

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